He’s been married TWICE before…!

wedding cake coupleI recently heard a woman say, “I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life than to be someone’s THIRD wife!”  She had just met a man that told her he has been divorced twice.

Be careful with statements like these.  It probably stems from your need for everything to be perfect, movie-like or fairy tale-like.  The reality is your future husband MAY have been married before.  And that is OK.

It is not a red flag that he has been married before.  The REASON that it did not work out, however, could be a red flag.

People get divorced.  Sometimes the fault is on one of them.  Sometimes it is both of them.

People learn from their mistakes.  Some men are BETTER husbands because they know exactly what they did wrong in their previous marriage.

You can have a preference on wanting someone who hasn’t been married before.  But I recommend never ruling out an entire category of people by saying “I will NEVER date” so and so.  Not wise.

You don’t know the package that your mate will come in.  You also do not know what he will have endured, gone through, suffered or overcome.  But he will be a great fit for you NOW, despite his past.  So give him a chance and don’t prejudge anyone.  Find out more before you decide anything.

That is all I am asking.  Ask the questions and see what you learn before you decide.

Check out this show I did a few years ago with a life coach that works with divorced men.  LISTEN HERE

And don’t forget, you are also not perfect.  Your guy will have to put up with and deal with your former mistakes, issues and areas.  But hopefully you have grown and matured from your past.  Give him the same courtesy.

Isn’t it time for YOU to find LOVE?  Join Kiki in her Married in 2 Years or Less Program.  Visit http://www.kikistrickland.com/program for more information.

As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797
a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

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Ask Kiki – I want to break up but my family loves him…

runaway bride

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Question from Haley*:

Hi Kiki, This is very hard for me because I feel like my family is going to throw a fit when I tell them I want to break up with my boyfriend.  They think he is The One for me.  But I don’t.  I would like to see other people but I know everyone, including him, my parents, my brother and the dog (LOL) is going to be upset with me.  He is a nice guy and I understand that but I don’t love him. Everyone is hoping we will get married, except me.  What should I do?  Thanks.

Hi Haley,

Thank you for the question.  I will get right to the point.  Even though I recommend going out on a few dates with someone you are not initially attracted to see if any chemistry develops, I do not believe in continuing long-term with someone that you are not feeling.

Don’t marry him.  If you are not feeling it, it does not matter what anyone else wants.  Your parents, brother, dog, neighbor, etc. will not be the one in the marriage to him.  It will be YOU and him.  And if you are not down with this program, you need to let him know and stop wasting his time.  If he is open to backing up and seeing other people, do it.  But if he says it’s all or nothing, be prepared for your family to be confused and upset.  But they will get over it.

Now if there really is nothing wrong with him and the problem is YOU, we need to talk.  If you are always running from great guys and hooking with the guys who are NOT good for you, that is another story and we should work together to find out why you keep doing that and if you have some fears surrounding marriage/commitment.  You could be sabotaging yourself, as many women do.  That is what a dating coach is for – to help you navigate this thing called dating to get you to where you really want to ultimately be in your love life.

But if it is not you, move on from this guy.  Good luck with finding the One you do want to marry.  Keep me posted!

Thanks,

Kiki

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!

 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
photo
Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Check out our events coming up, including our Love Attraction Retreat – a cruise in December!!!  Visit http://www.kikistrickland.com for more information.

How she met her husband

weddingcouple2

Hi Ladies,

I am doing a new series for my blogtalk show “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland.”  For this series I am interviewing married women on how they met their hubbies.  I know many of you single ladies want to know HOW to find your Mr. Right and that is what I am here for.  In my coaching practice we figure out WHERE the type of men you want to date are and how to meet and start dating them.  I am there every step of the way to help you navigate the process from dating to engagement to marriage.

This new series will provide you with more knowledge on where and how YOU can meet your future mate.  It always helps to hear others’ stories, be inspired and know that it WILL happen to you next.

Listen to the first show HERE with owner of Caressence Therapeutic Massage, Mrs. Nichole Ruffin and how she met her husband Lewis on Saturday at 9AM.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

Meeting men while travelling

travellers

I just returned from a trip to Paris.  I LOVED Paris.  I am making plans to return next year so stay tuned for how you can join us!

While in Paris I met several men.  One I asked for directions and he ended up walking me half way to my destination, chatting and showing me photos of his family and their home in Morocco.  He was so nice that we ended up exchanging business cards.  We were expecting the French to be standoffish but were pleasantly surprised the people were so friendly.  Especially the men.  Two ladies on the trip with me got asked out on dates.  I want to talk about meeting men while traveling.

You should be meeting new people EVERYWHERE you go.  When you are open and friendly, people are drawn to you.  That should never stop.  Always be polite and cordial and make eye contact with those around you.

One of the women asked out while in Paris asked me what I thought.  Should she go?  And if so, should she take her friend with her?

I think it is fine to go out on a date while in another country!  Of course!  Why not?  As long as you are using wisdom (don’t ever get into a guy’s car or go to his place on the first date) and being safe, it is perfectly fine to meet him at a restaurant or cafe/coffee shop to find out more about him.  In the case with the woman on my trip, she could have brought her girlfriend along to the restaurant and her friend could have sat at the bar while they got a table and chatted.  It would not be kosher to bring a friend along on a date and let the friend join you.  But yes, the friend could have sat elsewhere until the date was over.  Then when the date is over, you leave with your friend, not the guy!

You never want a stranger to know where you are staying.  It is gentlemanly for him to offer to walk or drive you back but decline.  He can hail a cab for you or walk you to the subway, though.

Now some of you may be thinking, but if I am not interested in a long distance relationship, why would I go out with a man while I am travelling?  Because it is not your job to figure out if it would have to be a long distance relationship.  That’s his job.  If he likes you, he will have to figure out how to make it work.  You don’t know everything about him yet.  He may have a house or relatives in the States.  He may own his own business and be able to work from anywhere.  It is not your job to assume anything.  Just find out.  And that is what the date is for, to learn more about him.

Opportunities pass us by because we do not take advantage of them or recognize them. Or we sabotage ourselves by talking ourselves OUT of opportunities before they can really even materialize.  If he seems like a decent guy, at least commit to learning more.  Give him your email address so he can follow up with you when you return.

I know an American woman that met her husband while vacationing in London.  Now they both live here in the States.  He wooed her, found a job here in the US and proposed.  She was not open to dating him across ‘the pond’ so he found a way to make it happen for them.  When a man is in love, he finds a way!  They are now married with two kids.

We will be headed back to Paris next April, so if you would like to join us, send me an email to info@kikistrickland.com to find out more.  We are also going to Italy in 2017.  My retreats have thus far been domestic, but that may change, so check out my retreat page at kikistrickland.com.

Happy Dating!

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

 

Never beg a man to marry you

Some of you watch the Real Housewives of Potomac so you know who I am about to write about.  I just watched The Reunion Part 2 of the show and found out that Katie is no longer engaged to Andrew.  We all watched during the season as she hinted, harped on, prodded and poked Andrew about getting engaged.

katie

Turns out that he DID propose at the end of the season, but by the time the reunion aired the relationship was already over.

I want to talk about this because as a dating coach with a program called “Married in 2 Years or Less” many think that I advocate rushing into marriage or trying to get the ring immediately or by any means necessary.  No way.  Not at all!  I was just as surprised by Katie’s behavior as the rest of you viewers.  While it is OK, of course, to want engagement and want to move into the next phase of your relationship, continuously asking your man or hinting you think it should happen doesn’t usually work well.

Here is what I believe and teach:  You only need to say things once.  And then if it doesn’t happen, you remove yourself.  Nagging never produces the results you really want.  I call my program “Married in 2 Years or Less” because I don’t believe you should DATE someone for longer than two years without the ring coming, if marriage is your goal and you are over 30.  If neither you nor your man feel like you two are the right fit by then, move on.  If you feel like you are the right fit but he doesn’t, move on.  More time does not usually convince him.  I believe you should say in the beginning of your relationship, such as when he brings up the two of you becoming exclusive, that you only believe in dating a couple of years at most before knowing if you want to make it permanent or not.  You should only say it then before the relationship really gets started so he knows up front.

Hopefully he realizes he has two years to get it together and propose.

But if he doesn’t…

Around the two year mark if he has not brought up getting engaged or looking at rings or anything like that, you can mention it one more time only.  You can say it even in a joking way, like “Hmmm…we’ve been dating almost two years.  I guess we only have three more months to decide on what we want to do.”

He may ask what you mean, if he has forgotten.  So you re-iterate that you don’t believe in dating for YEARS and YEARS and that if you two do not think you want to take the next steps after two years, maybe it means the two of you aren’t sure about each other.  Most women are afraid to rock the boat.  They are afraid that if they stick to their own time line, he will walk.  Or they are like Katie and start to wine and nag about getting engaged.  But if you take the more practical approach I have suggested, you can have a real conversation about where you both are.  If he is really in love with you, this will cause him to reassure you on his intentions.  If he is not (believe me, he already knows whether he wants to marry you or not), he will not want to talk about it or act indifferent or get upset.  Any of those answers means you will have to walk away before you waste any more time.

It is better to walk away than stay for a few more years with the same result.  Men know very quickly if they feel like you are the One or not.  They may not be ready for marriage despite knowing you are the One for them, but it is not your job to wait around until they get ready.  They tend to get ready quicker when you walk.

I hope it works out for Katie, either with Andrew or a new man.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

Ask Kiki – He doesn’t want anyone to know I’m his girlfriend…

Dear Kiki,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now but it is starting to bother me that no one else on his side knows about us.  All my friends know I have a man but they have never met him.  He doesn’t want to come to anything public.  He doesn’t even want any photos of us on Facebook.  Should I be bothered by this?  I feel like he loves me and when we are together everything is great, so maybe I should just be happy, right?

Amelia*

Hi Amelia,

What is his reason for this?  Does he know that this is bothering you?  Those are the two questions that need to be answered.  You did not mention his reasoning behind your relationship really being somewhat of a secret.  Is he unsure where the relationship is going?  Are you even sure that the two of you are really in an exclusive, committed relationship?

Is he really private in general?   Does he not post anything at all to Facebook?

I can’t really speak to his actions specifically but I will say that in general when a man is happy and feeling in love, he does let other people know.  He is not ‘hiding’ the relationship or pretending you two aren’t together.  Most guys know that it makes us happy to post pics (they really don’t care about all that public stuff themselves and wouldn’t even take photos if not for us).  They know that we females like to attend events together and have our guy meet our friends.

When a guy is serious about a woman he usually wants her to meet the important people in his life.  But that doesn’t mean it happens right away.  Since it has been a year, though, I would question how serious he is about you.  He has been dating you a year and no one he hangs out with knows you?  Let him know that you feel like it is time to meet some of his family and friends.  I am assuming he has family and friends, because if not, there may be an even bigger problem.

If he is more of a loner, doesn’t really have friends and is not close to his family, that is a different story.  But you two still must have a conversation about this.  You do not want to be in a “relationship” with someone that may not be comfortable enough with it to share it with others.

Hope this helps!

If you want to be on the path to marriage in two years or less, join my Married in 2 Years or Less Program.  Details are at http://www.kikistrickland.com

Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 
As featured in EBONY Magazine

Ask Kiki – I’ve been seeing this guy for 5 months and he still won’t make it official..

Ask Kiki banner2

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
photo
Kiki Strickland
“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach
 

Question from Wendy*

Hi I saw an article online that you had written, 5 reasons he won’t commit in YourTango.com. I’ve been seeing this guy for 5 months and he still won’t make it official.. I’ve brought it up several times and we end up fighting. Last time I brought it up he said it was me, that since I didn’t give him head he couldn’t see me being his girlfriend. It’s not a big deal to me so I said I would etc… Then I asked again same convo and he said what’s it going to change? I ended up breaking it off and he texted me a few hours later saying how he cares about me etc. Still nothing… I don’t know what to do, I really like him, more than any other guy I’ve ever been with. He treats me like We are together.. We hang out 3-4 times a week. We go on dates, go to the beach, took me on a great outing for my birthday. I’m confused and I don’t know if I should continue giving him time or leave for good.. Some background.. He won’t do sleep overs (I’m 24 and he is 28) even though we live 2 min down the road from each other. We don’t talk on the phone, and I’m the one who has to ask to hang out.. He says he likes to feel loved… Ugh, I would really like some professional answers and not from friends and family… Thank you!!

Hi Wendy,
There was a similar question a few weeks ago from a woman who said that she felt like she was in a relationship but the man she was seeing kept saying they were not.  And guess what?  They were not.   If a man says you are not his girlfriend, believe him.

The dynamics are all wrong in your relationship. It sounds like you have been doing the pursuing.  You said you are the one that asks to hang out with him.  He doesn’t even sound very interested in you.  Yes, when you are together, he is fun and you enjoy yourself.  But he doesn’t call you or ask you out or want to stay over.

Women tend to think that if a man has a good time with her and likes having sex with her, he is considering her for a real relationship.  No!  He wants nothing more than to have sex and spend a little time with you…that is all.  If he said he can’t see you as his girlfriend or doesn’t want to talk about it, that is your answer. You are wasting your time with him.   Cut him off.  Unless he comes back to you ready to commit, there is no reason to continue with him.

It is a hard truth to take, but you must or you will keep wasting your time on him instead of finding the man that does want to commit to you and you only.

Let me know if you need to do a phone session, which is available on my website at www.kikistrickland.com.  Good luck!
Kiki

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006