You’re CRAZY to Date Him #2

This is the second installment of my new series, “You’re Crazy to Date Him!”  (Note, I am not calling any of you mentally unstable.  I am saying that it is temporary insanity to continue in this behavior).

Did you watch the new Lifetime movie on the life of Michel’le?  “Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel’le,” is the story of R&B singer Michel’le and her rise to fame.  I only was able to watch the first hour before having to go to an event, but what I saw had me boiling!

Why do we stay with a man who looks at us with hatred and hits us like we’re a man?

Even though I saw a family member go through something similar, I never understood it.  I saw her struggles and told myself at the tender age of 10 years old that no one would EVER treat me badly like that.  And no one ever has.

Michel’le stayed with Dre, and then went on to another relationship with Suge Knight that was also somewhat abusive.  Her own mother had a warped view of love and had told her when she was young that men hit because they love.  Young and confused about love, Michel’le said that she actually believed that the more he hit her, the more it meant he loved her.

That is a sad story!  Let me just make it clear:  that is hogwash!

You are CRAZY to stay with a man that puts his hands on you, hits you or hurts you in any way.  I know that sounds harsh and not politically correct to say.  But really, your self-esteem needs a major overhaul if you would allow that.  No one has the right to hit you.   You should not allow someone to hurt you.

The movie made me so mad.  I watched in horror at the abuse she suffered at the hands of her ‘boyfriend’ Dre.  There is something mentally wrong with a man that thinks it is OK to beat up a woman, especially one he is supposed to love.  He is definitely crazy, demented and more.  I think men who abuse need therapy AND jail time.  Assault charges can carry significant jail time in some cases.

What is Assault under Maryland Law?

Assault is the attempted touching of another person, without that person’s consent, and includes the act of placing someone in fear of an intentional touching. Battery is the unlawful and offensive touching of another person without that person’s consent.  Under Maryland law, an “Assault” encompasses the crimes of assault, battery, and assault and battery.  From www.maryland-defense-lawyer.com/assault/

Beating/hitting someone is a CRIME!  It is against the law.  A crime has been committed against you.

Michel’le said that based on what she saw and was taught growing up, when Dre beat her up for the first time, she was terrified and GRATEFUL because she thought it meant he really loved her.

I believe both people in an abusive relationship need to get counseling/therapy.  And those in their lives probably need to be a part of a support group for the abused and their families.

If the man you are seeing belittles you in any way, makes you feel less than, ridicules you, talks down to you or calls you names, or hits, pushes, kicks or in any way physically harms you, LEAVE HIM.  Immediately.  If you keep going back to or staying with someone who continues to beat you up, you are CONSENTING to being assaulted and abused.  You are telling the person it is OK to do that to you.  You must stand up for yourself.  Get help and leave!

Nor should you hit anyone.   If you are hitting a man, he is crazy to stay with YOU.  You both have issues and need counseling.

I think back to the whole Ray Rice story and his fiance being knocked out by him in the elevator that time.  And if that was an incident made public because of the elevator cameras, just think of all the incidents that they must have had that were not made public.  I do not believe these incidents are one-time events.  If a man hits you once, it very likely that it will continue unless you get help.

I believe they are still together and about to have a baby.

I hope they are both getting the help they need.

Ray and Janay Rice

To read more about the Michel’le story:

http://www.ibtimes.com/surviving-compton-exposes-michelles-abuse-dr-dre-relationship-suge-knight-16-things-2428963

Have you ever been afraid of a man you were dating?  Did you ever stay in a relationship that felt scary or unhealthy?  Has a man ever hit you or threatened to?  Leave your comments below if you want to share.

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Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

You’re CRAZY to date him!

Check out the new series from Dating Coach Kiki Strickland called “You’re Crazy to date Him!”

photo credit Essence.com

As a dating coach, I meet with women who are seeking to improve their love lives and finally meet the Right One, get engaged and start a family.  Over the years I have heard all kinds of stories.  One frequent story I hear from ladies looking for Mr. Right is that they have been wrapped up in a warped relationship with Mr. Wrong!

And sadly sometimes this relationship is with a MARRIED MAN.

They know this is wrong and that they should never have given him the time of day (unless they didn’t know that he was married initially, in which case they were fooled) but usually they are having a hard time ending the relationship with him.  In some cases they have been seeing him for YEARS.

And they realize on some level that being with him, or rather NOT being with him in the relationship that they want and need from a man, is one of the reasons that they have not been able to find the right man.

If there is any situation where you are crazy to keep seeing him, this is the one!

Here is what I say about you with married men:

– he had the nerve to give another woman YOUR ring and make a commitment to HER not you, then tries to come around you PART-TIME while giving her full-time love.

You are a secret

You get his leftovers

You don’t think highly enough of yourself to demand 1st place in a man’s heart

You have accepted second place

You believe in a man who has made lying a daily thing (to his family and to you.  Don’t think for a second that he is 100% honest with you about their relationship, he isn’t.)

Neither of you are being respected and cherished by him

You deserve better

To all the ladies that come to me caught up in a cycle with a taken man – whether he has a girlfriend or a fiance or a wife or he just won’t commit to you after all this time – I advise them to cut it off immediately.  The relationship has been a waste of precious time.

How can God bring you the gift he has for you when you are involved in the degradation of a marriage?  What room do you have for the man that is going to love and cherish you and commit to you when your heart is entangled with a cheater?  It does not end well.  End it now before it gets worse.

Once you set yourself FREE from that dead end relationship, you will come alive again, your spirit will soar, the blinders will be taken off and you will finally be on your way to true happiness with the RIGHT person.  Amen!

If you want to be married within the next two years, join me in my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program.

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Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

Where all the Black men are!

The biggest and most frequent question I get as a dating coach from Black women is WHERE can I find a good man?

Well…that is the million dollar question!  WHERE is the type of man that you like?  What are you looking for?  What do you need in a mate?  Where would that type of man hang out?  What kind of events does he attend?  What kind of organizations is he a part of?

Think on these things…

You are in luck this week if you are looking for a man that is professional and cares about the Black community.  He will be in town this week for CBC – the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Legislative Conference.  I used to think that CBC was just for politicians or activists, but upon attending my first ALC Conference, I realized it has a little bit for everyone.  From seminars on Cuba & Haiti to uterine fibroids to natural hair care to recidivism to Black Lives Matter, CBC has a little bit of everything and everyone (celebrities included!).

You may have missed the Flirting 101 class I did on CBC, but you are in luck!  I did a blogtalk show a couple of years ago on “Meeting Mr. Right in Three Days or Less“ and I talked about meeting potentials at events, conferences and annual meetings, much like this one.  LISTEN HERE.  And CBC is one of the best places.  So if you have any vacation time, sick days or even an extended lunch hour, run by this Thursday or Friday and check out the scene.  And don’t forget the receptions that take place after the conference for fun and dancing.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

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How NOT to succeed at ONLINE DATING

Have you seen the show “Virtually in Love” on the Oxygen Network?  I have watched two episodes and I must say it is online dating at its worst!

Here is the description of the show from USMagazine.com before it began:

Oxygen is launching an unscripted series called Virtually in Love that centers on online daters traveling great distances to finally meet their significant others in person, Us Weekly can exclusively reveal.

The series, premiering May 24, will show the face-to-face introductions, followed by the ups and downs as the pairs learn more about each other and meet the other’s family and friends. The couples will then decide whether to continue dating in the same city to further their real-life connection.

The problem with the show’s participants is that they have waited months, some times even years, to finally meet in person.  In most cases they have been chatting online or via phone every day and feel like they are in love.  They have carried on a ‘virtual’ relationship and now they are finally meeting face to face.  In both episodes that I have seen, once they did meet and got to know each other better, the relationship fell apart.  In almost all of the cases each had held back some pertinent information about themselves.  That is very easy to do when you are only talking to someone via phone, chat or SKYPE for an hour.

In order to get to know someone well, you must spend quality time with them.  I am an advocate for dating online or meeting over the internet but it is just a MEETING.  You should not ‘date’ them over the internet.  I believe you should meet the person as quickly as possible to see if there is any chemistry IN PERSON.  If distance keeps you from being able to frequently meet up in person, that is OK.  Do not decide to become exclusive until you have met FIRST in person and confirmed your true interest (compatibility, chemistry, attraction).   If after that you want to continue the relationship and it has to be virtual, it can still work.  But long distance relationships are difficult and need to have specific perimeters, timelines and goals.

I am doing a FREE tele-seminar on Online Dating this Saturday to teach you how to be better at meeting the opposite sex online and to finally start getting the results you want.   One of my clients who got married last year (2015) met her husband online.  And another one of my clients who just recently got engaged and will be married this year also met her fiance online.

Online dating websites and dating apps definitely work.  But only if you know how to work them.  Join me on Saturday for tips and strategies.

Sign up on my homepage to participate:  www.kikistrickland.com

Online Dating Secrets – Saturday, August 13, 2016 – 8AM – 8:30AM (you can listen later as long as you have registered)

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

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Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

 

Ask Kiki – I want to break up but my family loves him…

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Question from Haley*:

Hi Kiki, This is very hard for me because I feel like my family is going to throw a fit when I tell them I want to break up with my boyfriend.  They think he is The One for me.  But I don’t.  I would like to see other people but I know everyone, including him, my parents, my brother and the dog (LOL) is going to be upset with me.  He is a nice guy and I understand that but I don’t love him. Everyone is hoping we will get married, except me.  What should I do?  Thanks.

Hi Haley,

Thank you for the question.  I will get right to the point.  Even though I recommend going out on a few dates with someone you are not initially attracted to see if any chemistry develops, I do not believe in continuing long-term with someone that you are not feeling.

Don’t marry him.  If you are not feeling it, it does not matter what anyone else wants.  Your parents, brother, dog, neighbor, etc. will not be the one in the marriage to him.  It will be YOU and him.  And if you are not down with this program, you need to let him know and stop wasting his time.  If he is open to backing up and seeing other people, do it.  But if he says it’s all or nothing, be prepared for your family to be confused and upset.  But they will get over it.

Now if there really is nothing wrong with him and the problem is YOU, we need to talk.  If you are always running from great guys and hooking with the guys who are NOT good for you, that is another story and we should work together to find out why you keep doing that and if you have some fears surrounding marriage/commitment.  You could be sabotaging yourself, as many women do.  That is what a dating coach is for – to help you navigate this thing called dating to get you to where you really want to ultimately be in your love life.

But if it is not you, move on from this guy.  Good luck with finding the One you do want to marry.  Keep me posted!

Thanks,

Kiki

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!

 

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Kiki Strickland Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach p:202-718-7797 | e:info@kikistrickland.com | w:www.kikistrickland.com

Check out our events coming up, including our Love Attraction Retreat – a cruise in December!!!  Visit http://www.kikistrickland.com for more information.

Ask Kiki – I’m having trouble determining at the core if he’s truly interested in me or if I would end up like all of his exes if I were to date him.

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Question from Abby*

Hi Ms. Strickland! I just read your article about why guys may not want to commit, and I thought maybe you’d be able to offer some advice. I’m still in high school, so I don’t know how much help you’d be able to offer, given the nature of teenage relationships. I guess asking you is worth a shot, though. My best guy friend, whom I’ve known for years, is someone I’ve been interested in for a long time, and in whom within the last year I’ve taken a serious liking to. It’s plain that he’s at least been mildly interested in me, too. The problem is, he dates a lot of girls, and his relationships have lasted no more than two months each. I’m having trouble determining at the core if he’s truly interested in me or if I would end up like all of his exes if I were to date him. I’m going to try to make this as short as I can. The story goes like this: In these five years of being friends with this guy, I’ve gotten very close to him and his family. We’ve experienced the loss of his father, and grown closer through attending the same church. He and his family have been very generous. Anything I or my parents have ever needed, they’ve done for us, no questions asked. His family is not at all silent about how much they want the two of us to be together. He’s tried making sexual advances, all of which I’ve shut down because of my lack of readiness. I believe that shutting him down lead him to think I wasn’t interested in dating him, because he moved on to some other girl, though prior to that he mentioned more than once that we should date. When I saw that he was interested in another girl, it was then that I let him know that I liked him. I regret having been too timid to tell him I was interested before that. Anyway, they dated for two months before he dumped her. Later that month he invited me to stay over so that we could hunt early in the morning. Again he tried making advances, and again, I shut him down. Stupidly, I gave him an ultimatum, telling him that either we’re just best friends or we’re together; not fwb. I thought I’d scared him off, until over Christmas a month later he took me on what I think was a date (he asked me, paid, held the door, shared an appetizer, ignored his phone – the whole 9 yards). However, about two weeks later he started dating this girl he’d been talking to, who just the other day dumped him for her ex. All this while, no matter who he’s dated, we’ve been best friends, and I’ve always had the feeling that his feelings towards me have been more than friendship, and I’ve held on hope that we’ll be something more. He’s cared about me, and payed a great amount of attention to me, complimenting my looks, remembering things I say, and showing genuine interest in my life. My questions for you are: is he interested in me in that way, and if so, to what extent? Was it a date in December? And, what do I do next? Thank you for taking the time to read this and consider my questions. I’ve just got this feeling about this guy, and if I didn’t, I’d probably not be asking for advice on this.

Hi Abby. Thanks for reading my article and for the message. It does sound like your relationship is a little complicated and you will never know the answers to these questions unless you talk to him honestly about all this. Communication is key. He needs to know what you want from him (exclusivity? commitment? romance?) and you need to know what he really wants from you. If he is really a good friend, you should be able to sit down and have a straight heart-to-heart talk about what you both really want from each other, especially after so many years of friendship. Hope this helps!  Good luck. Kiki

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!

 

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Kiki Strickland Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach p:202-718-7797 | e:info@kikistrickland.com | w:www.kikistrickland.com

How she met her husband

Hi Ladies,

I am doing a new series for my blogtalk show “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland.”  For this series I am interviewing married women on how they met their hubbies.  I know many of you single ladies want to know HOW to find your Mr. Right and that is what I am here for.  In my coaching practice we figure out WHERE the type of men you want to date are and how to meet and start dating them.  I am there every step of the way to help you navigate the process from dating to engagement to marriage.

This new series will provide you with more knowledge on where and how YOU can meet your future mate.  It always helps to hear others’ stories, be inspired and know that it WILL happen to you next.

Listen to the first show HERE with owner of Caressence Therapeutic Massage, Mrs. Nichole Ruffin and how she met her husband Lewis on Saturday at 9AM.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

As featured in EBONY Magazine

Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

Meeting men while travelling

I just returned from a trip to Paris.  I LOVED Paris.  I am making plans to return next year so stay tuned for how you can join us!

While in Paris I met several men.  One I asked for directions and he ended up walking me half way to my destination, chatting and showing me photos of his family and their home in Morocco.  He was so nice that we ended up exchanging business cards.  We were expecting the French to be standoffish but were pleasantly surprised the people were so friendly.  Especially the men.  Two ladies on the trip with me got asked out on dates.  I want to talk about meeting men while traveling.

You should be meeting new people EVERYWHERE you go.  When you are open and friendly, people are drawn to you.  That should never stop.  Always be polite and cordial and make eye contact with those around you.

One of the women asked out while in Paris asked me what I thought.  Should she go?  And if so, should she take her friend with her?

I think it is fine to go out on a date while in another country!  Of course!  Why not?  As long as you are using wisdom (don’t ever get into a guy’s car or go to his place on the first date) and being safe, it is perfectly fine to meet him at a restaurant or cafe/coffee shop to find out more about him.  In the case with the woman on my trip, she could have brought her girlfriend along to the restaurant and her friend could have sat at the bar while they got a table and chatted.  It would not be kosher to bring a friend along on a date and let the friend join you.  But yes, the friend could have sat elsewhere until the date was over.  Then when the date is over, you leave with your friend, not the guy!

You never want a stranger to know where you are staying.  It is gentlemanly for him to offer to walk or drive you back but decline.  He can hail a cab for you or walk you to the subway, though.

Now some of you may be thinking, but if I am not interested in a long distance relationship, why would I go out with a man while I am travelling?  Because it is not your job to figure out if it would have to be a long distance relationship.  That’s his job.  If he likes you, he will have to figure out how to make it work.  You don’t know everything about him yet.  He may have a house or relatives in the States.  He may own his own business and be able to work from anywhere.  It is not your job to assume anything.  Just find out.  And that is what the date is for, to learn more about him.

Opportunities pass us by because we do not take advantage of them or recognize them. Or we sabotage ourselves by talking ourselves OUT of opportunities before they can really even materialize.  If he seems like a decent guy, at least commit to learning more.  Give him your email address so he can follow up with you when you return.

I know an American woman that met her husband while vacationing in London.  Now they both live here in the States.  He wooed her, found a job here in the US and proposed.  She was not open to dating him across ‘the pond’ so he found a way to make it happen for them.  When a man is in love, he finds a way!  They are now married with two kids.

We will be headed back to Paris next April, so if you would like to join us, send me an email to info@kikistrickland.com to find out more.  We are also going to Italy in 2017.  My retreats have thus far been domestic, but that may change, so check out my retreat page at kikistrickland.com.

Happy Dating!

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

As featured in EBONY Magazine

Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

 

Never beg a man to marry you

Some of you watch the Real Housewives of Potomac so you know who I am about to write about.  I just watched The Reunion Part 2 of the show and found out that Katie is no longer engaged to Andrew.  We all watched during the season as she hinted, harped on, prodded and poked Andrew about getting engaged.

Turns out that he DID propose at the end of the season, but by the time the reunion aired the relationship was already over.

I want to talk about this because as a dating coach with a program called “Married in 2 Years or Less” many think that I advocate rushing into marriage or trying to get the ring immediately or by any means necessary.  No way.  Not at all!  I was just as surprised by Katie’s behavior as the rest of you viewers.  While it is OK, of course, to want engagement and want to move into the next phase of your relationship, continuously asking your man or hinting you think it should happen doesn’t usually work well.

Here is what I believe and teach:  You only need to say things once.  And then if it doesn’t happen, you remove yourself.  Nagging never produces the results you really want.  I call my program “Married in 2 Years or Less” because I don’t believe you should DATE someone for longer than two years without the ring coming, if marriage is your goal and you are over 30.  If neither you nor your man feel like you two are the right fit by then, move on.  If you feel like you are the right fit but he doesn’t, move on.  More time does not usually convince him.  I believe you should say in the beginning of your relationship, such as when he brings up the two of you becoming exclusive, that you only believe in dating a couple of years at most before knowing if you want to make it permanent or not.  You should only say it then before the relationship really gets started so he knows up front.

Hopefully he realizes he has two years to get it together and propose.

But if he doesn’t…

Around the two year mark if he has not brought up getting engaged or looking at rings or anything like that, you can mention it one more time only.  You can say it even in a joking way, like “Hmmm…we’ve been dating almost two years.  I guess we only have three more months to decide on what we want to do.”

He may ask what you mean, if he has forgotten.  So you re-iterate that you don’t believe in dating for YEARS and YEARS and that if you two do not think you want to take the next steps after two years, maybe it means the two of you aren’t sure about each other.  Most women are afraid to rock the boat.  They are afraid that if they stick to their own time line, he will walk.  Or they are like Katie and start to wine and nag about getting engaged.  But if you take the more practical approach I have suggested, you can have a real conversation about where you both are.  If he is really in love with you, this will cause him to reassure you on his intentions.  If he is not (believe me, he already knows whether he wants to marry you or not), he will not want to talk about it or act indifferent or get upset.  Any of those answers means you will have to walk away before you waste any more time.

It is better to walk away than stay for a few more years with the same result.  Men know very quickly if they feel like you are the One or not.  They may not be ready for marriage despite knowing you are the One for them, but it is not your job to wait around until they get ready.  They tend to get ready quicker when you walk.

I hope it works out for Katie, either with Andrew or a new man.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

As featured in EBONY Magazine

Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

Ask Kiki – He doesn’t want anyone to know I’m his girlfriend…

Dear Kiki,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now but it is starting to bother me that no one else on his side knows about us.  All my friends know I have a man but they have never met him.  He doesn’t want to come to anything public.  He doesn’t even want any photos of us on Facebook.  Should I be bothered by this?  I feel like he loves me and when we are together everything is great, so maybe I should just be happy, right?

Amelia*

Hi Amelia,

What is his reason for this?  Does he know that this is bothering you?  Those are the two questions that need to be answered.  You did not mention his reasoning behind your relationship really being somewhat of a secret.  Is he unsure where the relationship is going?  Are you even sure that the two of you are really in an exclusive, committed relationship?

Is he really private in general?   Does he not post anything at all to Facebook?

I can’t really speak to his actions specifically but I will say that in general when a man is happy and feeling in love, he does let other people know.  He is not ‘hiding’ the relationship or pretending you two aren’t together.  Most guys know that it makes us happy to post pics (they really don’t care about all that public stuff themselves and wouldn’t even take photos if not for us).  They know that we females like to attend events together and have our guy meet our friends.

When a guy is serious about a woman he usually wants her to meet the important people in his life.  But that doesn’t mean it happens right away.  Since it has been a year, though, I would question how serious he is about you.  He has been dating you a year and no one he hangs out with knows you?  Let him know that you feel like it is time to meet some of his family and friends.  I am assuming he has family and friends, because if not, there may be an even bigger problem.

If he is more of a loner, doesn’t really have friends and is not close to his family, that is a different story.  But you two still must have a conversation about this.  You do not want to be in a “relationship” with someone that may not be comfortable enough with it to share it with others.

Hope this helps!

If you want to be on the path to marriage in two years or less, join my Married in 2 Years or Less Program.  Details are at http://www.kikistrickland.com

Kiki Strickland “Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006 s: www.kikistrickland.com e: info@kikistrickland.com

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