Divas Don’t Pursue Men…and other don’ts

divas dont pursue2

I did a seminar this month on UNDERSTANDING MEN.  There were nine ladies in attendance and boy, did we cover a lot!

I talked about men and dating, men and money, men and sex and how they view these three things very differently than we do.  Great topic!  I will definitely repeat this topic again in the Fall for those ladies that did not make it.

It is very important to understand how men think, what they want (and don’t want), what matters to them and what they really value when it comes to dating, being in a relationship, and of course, ultimately marriage.  All the mistakes I see women making in relationships mainly stem from this lack of understanding the male mind and how different it is from ours.

One of my e-books, How Divas Date, covers the do’s and don’ts in dealing with men.  For example, a diva knows her self-worth and is confident in who she is, so she knows that SHE IS THE PRIZE.  She does not chase after men (if you are chasing them they are not chasing you) or try to get them to date her.  She knows that if a man is interested, he will let her know.  Men are still wooing women.  They woo the women that don’t woo them and whom they are really interested in.

Now this is different from flirting.  If you are confused about flirting, come to one of my FLIRT NIGHTS on a Friday in DC.  We are also implementing a Saturday Night Flirt Night beginning in August 2015.  Divas do flirt.  They are friendly and confident and will strike up a conversation with a man.  But they will NOT ask a man out or throw themselves at him.  They know that the man must still be the pursuer.  While a diva is friendly and outgoing and will talk to a man she does not know (flirting), if he does not take things further or express any interest, she moves on.  She is not going to call him, email him, invite him to something she is going to or otherwise pursue him.

Here are a few other don’ts in my e-book:

Divas DO NOT sit around waiting by the phone

Divas don’t do long distance relationships for long

Divas don’t do dutch dates

Divas don’t buy things for dudes

Divas do NOT go back to the Ex

Divas don’t do rebounds

Divas don’t kiss & tell

Divas don’t do jealousy

To learn more, pick it up at my website HERE.

And don’t forget to check my EVENT page for my next UNDERSTANDING MEN seminar this Fall.

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

Why Matchmaking Alone Doesn’t Work

cupidDid you see the WJLA (ABC) News report last night?  The Cost of Cupid: Does expensive, customized matchmaking work?

The report profiled a company called DC Singles, saying the company charges $2500 for a certain number of matches but had complaining customers who felt they did not deliver on the matches.  One woman had paid for seven matches and felt that none of the men measured up to her standards.  Another woman paid for four matches (paid the same price for fewer matches – was race a factor?) and did like one guy.  But the report also pointed out that DC Singles appeared to be a local company when in fact it is a national company with local offices with a very low consumer satisfaction rating.

This doesn’t surprise me.  As a matchmaker and dating coach, I know that people think finding a singles company that will introduce them to their Prince Charming is all that they need.  They are willing to spend thousands of dollars on matches and go in with the misconception that they will be able to ‘order up’ the perfect match.  For example, most women are looking for a 6’4, slender, making over six figures man who looks like The Rock (Dewayne Johnson).

Unfortunately matchmaking does not work that way.  There are very few Dewayne Johnsons out there – and he probably doesn’t use a matchmaker.  The singles agency is only going to have those men and women that have signed up with their company, and possibly other sister companies that may work with them.  This can work – suitable matches can be found depending on the agency’s clientele.  But there is another reason why matchmaking alone does not work.

Singles think they are READY for a relationship and that they KNOW how to date, when often they are not and do not!  The reality is finding you a suitable match means nothing if you don’t know how to make a relationship work.  If you, as a single woman or man, have not dealt with your issues, developed your relationship skills, know how to communicate and compromise, know how to receive and give love – it doesn’t matter how many matches you get.

I became a dating coach because I realized after a while that only matching singles was not enough.  Even singles that LIKED their match and wanted to make the relationship work DID NOT KNOW HOW.  I would introduce them to a perfectly suitable and attractive person, the two would like each other, but a month or two later, they would be back in my office asking for another match.

“What happened?” I would ask, and the answer was always something trivial that turned into a communication problem or a miscommunication, a perceived slight, an argument, etc.  I realized that a lot of people are single because they really just do not know how to be a part of a couple or date successfully.

Dating coaching helps with this.  Coaching allows you to finally LEARN how to date, how to be in a relationship, how to SUCCEED in relationships.

Without this, matchmaking, speed dating, online dating and any other way you find matches, won’t work.

If you do not know what to do with the perfect match for you, how you found the match is irrelevant.

This is why I believe that matchmaking services should only come with dating coaching.  There is no point in trying to set someone up on a date if they do not know how to date and are not really ready for a relationship.  Coaching determines your readiness, your abilities and skills at dating and helps you be ready for the relationship and the One.

Without this, there is not much success.

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and dating coach.  Check out her services, programs for single women, podcasts, blogtalk show and more at http://www.kikistrickland.com.

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

The Reality of Dating Shows

match made in heavenMatch Made in Heaven

The Bachelor

Millionaire Matchmaker

Married at 1st Sight

There are numerous reality dating shows on the air right now.  But just how REAL are they?

Not very.

I am often asked if I operate like or if I am personally like the Millionaire Matchmaker.  The answer is no.    Patti Stanger is a reality star.  Almost everything that you see is orchestrated and edited by PRODUCERS, those in charge of the show.  They are always coming up with new ways to match, new first dates for the clients to go on, etc.  That is all orchestrated for television.

Real matchmaking clients do not want to be matched at a ‘mixer’ where they are on display and have to talk to a room full of the opposite sex.  Men that come for matchmaking are usually not that attention-seeking.  They do not want that type of setup.  They are nice, decent, quiet guys that want to find Ms. Right – not be on television or display (even in front of the women).

Who do you think will come for an open ‘casting call’ like the ones on Patti’s show?  People who want to be on television.  Most are actors on the side and want to be seen by millions of people.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But that also makes the pool that she has to choose from very different from average people.

And add in the fact that you ARE on television with millions of people watching.  How would you act?  Wouldn’t you want to be picked by the bachelor?  Even if you have no attraction to him?  Just because it is a competition?  (some of these shows are actually classified by the networks as a GAME SHOW).  YES!  I think in REAL LIFE, most of those ladies wouldn’t even WANT to go out with the millionaire/bachelor.  But because there is a camera in your face and bright lights, you are smiling and hoping that you will be picked.   You want to be the WINNER.  I think some of those ladies have no intention of really dating Patti’s client.  They get their ten seconds of fame and hope a producer discovers them.  Or at least they get to say they were on TV.

Can you really find love on the air?

I don’t really think so.  I think it is hard enough to really connect with a person, let alone when there is a producer telling you where to stand and what to say.  How can you be your authenic self when someone else is orchestrating some of your actions?  And you know the other person’s motives may not be pure?  You are both behaving well for the cameras and making sure your best side is portrayed/shown.  That is not reality.

The season finale of Match Made in Heaven aired this week.  It was heartbreaking and confusing to see what the bachelor said to one of the women.  He said he loved her and would hate to see her with someone else.  It sounded like he was choosing her.  Then he dropped the bomb.  He said his heart was with someone else.  She was flabbergasted.  As were we.

I laugh at shows like this.  The Bachelor/Bachelorette style ‘reality’ show (and I use the term reality loosely), is crazy to see.  A man is pretending to like SEVERAL women at the same time.  In every episode he is kissing and touching one of them, sometimes more than one in the same day.  He is constantly telling each one, as well as the audience watching, that he is falling in love with her.  Why do women support these shows?  I hope it is because they know it is FICTION.  You would NEVER allow a man to date you and several other ladies at the same time, especially right in your face.  So I hope seeing him do that on the Big Screen is just a huge laugh.

You have to know that the ladies are playing along and just acting.  I sincerely hope so!  Each of them allows the producers to tell them what to say.  More than once they can be heard saying the standard line: “I’m really falling for him!”

I do understand why people watch.  It is like a mystery, where you are trying to figure out who he really does like.  Except it may not be any of them.  And in the end you are rewarded with the final answer.  Which girl did he REALLY like?  If anyone?

And people love to see drama – the fights, the crying, the crazies.

These shows survive because you watch.

But no, it is not reality.  Matchmakers do not usually match in the public eye.  It is a private, discrete, one-on-one process.  And first dates are usually not jumping out of a plane or a boxing lesson with a retired boxing champion.  And a man does not choose a bride by rushing through over-the-top dates orchestrated by TV people who want to sell commercial space and win the ratings sweep.

That is just entertainment.

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker & dating coach in Washington, DC (DC-VA-MD) who has worked with singles since 2006.  Let her know what your favorite reality dating show is and why at info@kikistrickland.com.

 

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

Using March Madness to Meet Men!

march madness Ladies, this weekend is the Big East Championship!  If you don’t even know what I am talking about, you should have joined us at the “March Madness Basics” seminar I had on Sunday.  Just like for Super Bowl Sunday and the championship games that happened before Super Bowl, men will be out in droves to watch, especially if Georgetown makes it.   This is exactly where you should be to meet them!

We are having a March Madness Flirt Night for this very reason, where you can practice your flirting where all the men ARE.  It’s Saturday, March 14, starting at 6:30PM (for the Big East Championship).  Sign up today to get the Art of Flirting podcast to start preparing.  FLIRT NIGHT

Here are some of the tips we learned at my March Madness Basics seminar that will be useful in flirting. While watching the game you can ask him: “Do you think either of these teams can take it all?” “How many teams do you think the Big East will send to the DANCE?”  (the Dance is the National Tournament).

Before going to the game this Saturday, Google the top five teams of the Big East so you can add little nuggets to the conversation.

Here are the Big East teams playing this week (again, the championship game is this Saturday!):bigeast-tourney-bracket

Even if you are not joining us for Flirt Night, go to a nearby sports bar or restaurant in your area on Saturday evening and check out the men who are there.   Be friendly and sociable!  Wear sports attire but look cute!

Next Sunday is Selection Sunday, when the teams are selected for the National Tournament/Dance.

You can use these flirt questions below after Selection Sunday has taken place and the games have begun:

Ask him who his ‘cinderella team’ is.  A ‘cinderella team’ or ‘sleeper’ is the underdog that may do better than expected and take it all.

Ask him who is in his Elite 8 or Final 4.

Ask him who he thinks will take it all.

Also, if any local teams are in it (Georgetown or Maryland for the DMV area), ask how he thinks that team will do.

Make sure you do your own brackets so you can answer questions about who YOU have picked.

We will have another March Madness Flirt Night when it is down to the Final Four on April 4th so JOIN US!!!

Happy Dating, ladies!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

The COST of Valentine’s Day

happy valentines dayThere was an article in the TIMES this month about how much couples spend on Valentine’s Day and it was a whooping $19 billion dollars!!!

“The National Retail Federation predicts that Americans will spend a total of $19 billion on Valentine’s giving this year. That averages out to $142 per person celebrating the holiday.”  Read more at  http://time.com/3703157/valentines-day-single-is-better/

But that is for couples!  You are single so how much will you spend?  Nothing, you say?  You are not seeing anyone so why would you have to spend any money on February 14th?  I will tell you why.  I recommend that you attend an event for singles, which may have a small cost.

This year is the first that I have gotten so many emails about events for singles.  This is great.  On a day when a lot of singles feel depressed and frustrated about their love lives for not having anyone to share it with, THIS year singles are going to be out having fun, meeting potentials and cutting a rug.  (see below for a sample of events)

 

Here are a few of the events I’ve seen advertised:

Mix, Mingle & Match – Speed Dating in the Art District

The Art of Romance Committee

Saturday, February 14, 2015 from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM (EST)

Mount Rainier, MD

 

Valentine’s Day Virginia Winery Tour

Wine Pro Tours

Saturday, February 14, 2015 from 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM (EST)

Arlington, VA

 

Valentine’s Day Poetry Slam

America’s Future Workforce

Friday, February 13, 2015 from 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM (EST)

Washington, DC

 

Valentine’s Day Sweetheart Ball

Thrift Chapter #12

Saturday, February 14, 2015 at 8:00 PM – Sunday, February 15, 2015 at 12:00 AM (EST)

Upper Marlboro, MD

 

The Velvet Rope Affair – An Affair to Remember

The Art of Romance Committee

Saturday, February 14, 2015 at 9:00 PM – Sunday, February 15, 2015 at 12:00 AM (EST)

Mount Rainier, MD

 

And of course my own flirt instructors will be teaching singles how to mingle and flirt with the opposite sex at our COED FLIRT NIGHT for $20 in Chinatown on Friday, Feb. 13.  Join them by registering HERE!

Check out Eventbrite  and other event sites for events in your area and DO SOMETHING FUN this Valentine’s Day.  Spending $40 or $50 should be in your dating budget for this holiday.   The Day is about LOVE and celebrating the possibility of romance.  It is coming for you….so embrace it!

 

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

Why you’re no good at dating

Lovers on a date

Some of you are TERRIBLE at dating.  And you want to know why?

You never do it!

When was the last time you went out on the date?  Think hard.  This is 2015. How long has it been?  And WHY aren’t you doing something about the fact that you haven’t been asked out in a year, two years, a decade?

Well, there is no time like the present to start getting back out there.   Date!  Go out with a man!

Feed your funnel.

Like in marketing for business, you need to make sure that you have a continuous stream of potentials  coming in.  Otherwise, WHO are you going to date?

Here is where you can find potentials:

  • Try online dating sites
  • Work with a matchmaker/dating coach
  • Go to events
  • Try speed dating
  • Stop by happy hours after work
  • Join organizations
  • Do stuff you like and stuff you don’t like!  Do it all…at least once.  Skiing, hiking, biking, spades tournaments, etc.
  • Meet men while out and about and don’t turn them down! (Someone I know met her husband at a gas station)
  • Accept a hookup from someone else (not a sexual one, just an introduction)
  • Use Facebook to reach out to your friend’s friends

And more!

The new year has kicked off and it is TIME for you to finally start working on your love life.

Join my Meeting Mr. Right group for the next 3-months if you need assistance and want to meet and bond with other women who are also working on improving their love lives and finding The One.  Find out more at http://www.kikistrickland.com.  There is a LOT that you can do and you need to start doing it!

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
photo
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

New Year’s Eve Flirting Tips

Group of friends celebrating new year   Original Filename: 84372820.jpgA client of mine went to a wedding recently in the Virgin Islands.  Turns out the couple had met at a New Year’s Eve party!  Yes, people will meet tonight all over the WORLD at galas, casino nights, parties and church services.  It can happen for you, if you are prepared and ready!!!

Here are some tips for you:

1 – Pick the right party.  Know what type of men you want to meet and go where they are going to go.  Be careful, though, about other people’s perceptions of parties.  Someone who didn’t meet anyone at last year’s party may complain about it being lame or full of old dudes but that may be because they focused on only the negatives.  Another person at the same party may have met guys their age and had a wonderful time.

That brings me to my next point:

2 – Put out positive energy no matter WHERE you go!  Even if it is true that the clientele where you end up is older that you are interested in, look for the younger people.  Don’t give up and sulk in a seat somewhere.  Younger men usually arrive closer to midnight, so dance the night away happily and be found enjoying yourself when they arrive, not looking bored or sulking in a corner.  Be friendly with all the men, even the older ones!  Keep smiling.

3 – Preparation – how you look and feel is going to play a huge part in the night.  When you get glamourous and love your dress, you walk taller, smile brighter and the endorphins are pumping.  You want to dance and have a great time.  If you are self-conscious about your dress or look or don’t feel you look your best, your whole night will be different.

4 – Talk to him!  There will be lots of men hanging around, dancing or eating.  Here are some conversation starters you can use if you are not great with flirting naturally (come to one of my Flirt Nights to get in the practice that you need!):

“How was your 2014?”

“What was the most exciting thing that happened to you this year?”

“What did you do last New Year’s Eve?”

“What are you plans for 2015?”

“What is the one thing that you have to do this year?”

It’s New Year’s Eve.  It is quite easy to talk about how the year was and all the things you want to do in the future.  No need for the regular boring small talk.  Keep the conversation centered around this special time.

5 – Ask Him to Dance – it is perfectly OK to pick out a guy who is alone or standing with a group of guys and single him out.  “Hey, want to dance?”  Don’t be afraid of rejection.  If he says no, on to the next one!  Maybe he can’t dance or maybe he has a girlfriend.  Nothing lost, but you were bold and took the initiative!  And if he says yes, great!  Just dance and let him do the talking.  You don’t need to do anything else but dance.  If he is interested, he will do the rest.

Wherever you are going tonight to celebrate, have FUN!  Dance with five guys, even if you have to ask them.  Talk to at least one guy in depth about his year and future plans for the New Year.

Decide for yourself that this coming year will be different for your love life and set out to make it happen!

Join us for a Flirt Night in 2015 to become a pro at flirting and meeting new men!  Click HERE for more info.

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine