Are You a Gold Digger because you want a man with money?
I have heard people (men mainly) throw around the term ‘gold digger’ for women who are interested in the financial status of the men they date. What do you think about the term? Who would you describe as a gold digger?
Here is what it says in the dictionary –
Webster says: : a woman who becomes or tries to become romantically involved with a rich man in order to get money and gifts from him
Informal – a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.
From urban dictionary: Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man. The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boytoy.
So, is a woman that has her own money but only wants to date a man who has more money than she does a gold digger?
As a dating coach, I meet with singles about their love lives. They tell me what they are looking for, what they need and want, and how things are going. Many of you ladies tell me that you would love it if a man makes at least as much as you do (and you are making a LOT!). Some of you want him to make more than you do. There is nothing wrong with this.
It is ALSO OK if you do not make a lot of money but want to date and marry someone that makes MORE than you do. That is not gold digging.
I believe that to be a gold digger, you must be trading or attempting to trade favors for monetary or material gain. That means that you are with a guy who can provide ‘benefits’ for you or pay for things for you when you don’t really like him. If you really do like him and not just with him for money, you are not a gold digger.
You are not a gold digger just because you go on dates with men and let them pay. That is just silly. (I had a woman tell me she never lets a man pay because one guy told her that women who go out with men and let them pay are just gold diggers. Hogwash!). A man should pay for your date, if he has invited you out on the date. (And don’t worry, men who have money are not bothered by paying for your dates. It is usually the broke men who want to call women gold diggers and derogatory names, when they don’t have any gold to dig anyway!). Now if you expect the man that you date to pay your bills, rent/mortgage or car note, that is something else entirely. Or if you think you are going to LIVE off the man you marry, despite what he wants, you may need to check your mindset. (If he wants you to be a stay-at-home wife and you want to, that is fine!)
Don’t let anyone try to make you feel bad for having financial standards in dating. If you make six figures and only want to date men who make six figures, that is your preference. It may narrow your pool a lot, but if you are fine with that, fine. If you make $40,000 per year and want to date men that make six figures, that is OK too, but keep in mind that they may want a woman that is similar to them is education, background and lifestyle. You may not be what they are looking for. But if you are, great!
Divas don’t play the gold digger role. I talk about this is my e-book, How Divas Date. A diva has her own finances and can support herself, usually very well. But on the other hand, I also have a podcast series called “Meeting a Man of Means” that I offer in my web store for women that are looking for a man of status and wealth as a partner/husband. Know what you want/need and stand by your decision, unapologetically. And don’t let the term ‘gold digger’ phase you if it really doesn’t apply.
What do you think? When is a woman a gold digger? And are men ever gold diggers, too? Comment here.