What Singles Can Do About Valentine’s Day

valentine's day

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching.  I know some wedding vendors who have a countdown clock on their websites since millions of couples get engaged on V Day.  It is an exciting time for women who have been in a relationship for a while, anticipating what the romantic day will bring – possibly even a RING!

But what if you are not dating anyone?  Are you dreading Valentine’s Day?  Is it just another reminder that other women are happily dating someone and you are not?

Fortunately, you can change your circumstances at any time!  Why shouldn’t your love life be as full and fabulous as all the other women getting engaged this V Day?  It can be!

There are a few changes to your current life that you can make to start improving your romantic outlook.

One is to work with a dating coach.  A coach can help you kick start your non-existent love life immediately.  I work with women who have been successful in their careers and other areas of their lives but who have not figured out why they have no love life nor know what to do about it.   Most of my clients came to me without any dating prospects.  They had no guy in their lives, no one pursuing them nor did they know where to go to meet a guy they might like.  In a few short months (sometimes immediately in the same month they started) these women were juggling two or three great guys that were looking for a serious relationship.

One of my clients is now engaged and we just started working together last September.  Here is her testimonial:

Enrolling in Kiki’s program was the best investment I ever made.  After listening to all my single girlfriends and reading the magazine articles about how it was impossible to find love after 50, I decided to be proactive and work with a proven professional.  In Kiki’s program, you first get to know yourself and then you understand better the partner you seek.  She has a very practical methodology for finding the right person.  And she is with you all the way.  The best part is she is a wonderful, caring person who also knows when to be honest to help break down the old barriers that may have prevented you from being successful with love in the past.  I am happy to say that within the first few months using her program, I am engaged to be married next fall.  Thank you Kiki!!  ~HK, 56 (Engaged)

To do something about your love life, my best advice to you is to start working with me ASAP.  I want you to be in a happy, healthy, committed relationship this time next year and on your way to engagement.  You can sign up for a FREE consultation about my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at kikistrickland.com/the-program.

Another thing you can do to improve your love life immediately is go online.  You may have tried it before and not had any success.  But that doesn’t mean it won’t work this time.  And this time you will do it better because you will have help!  You can sign up for Profile Writing & Online Dating Secrets session with me to find out how to date online successfully.  ORDER HERE.  Millions of couples are meeting online, so obviously online dating works.  But in order for it to work for you, you must know what you are doing, have a strategy and use the secrets I give my clients to make it fun, casual, easy and productive.

As this Valentine’s Day approaches, let’s use what V Day stirs up in you as a catalyst to propel you forward into your destiny.  You are meant to have love, affection, companionship and excitement in your life.  So let’s begin!

Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 
As featured in EBONY Magazine

Speaking engagements for Kiki this week:

  • Lord & Taylor Friendship Heights – February 6, 2016
  • Culture Coffee – February 6, 2016
  • Kingdom Ambassador Christian Center – February 12, 2016

Events:

  • Flirt Night (Columbia location) – February 5, 2016
  • Superbowl Flirt Night (DC) – February 7, 2016

 

Ask Kiki – “I feel like I’m his girlfriend…”

Ask Kiki banner2As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Question from Mina*

Hi!! I am writing to you as I am uncertain on what to do about my situation… I have been seeing my guy for a year now… We are exclusive and have both told each other we love each other but he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now… He says having a girlfriend will mean no free time… I feel like we are in a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship and he just doesn’t want to admit it… we have the best times hanging out together and the only times we do argue or fight is about the boyfriend / girlfriend situation… he keeps saying we are not in a relationship. But then I see both of us work on the little things we talk about to make us work out… I mean if we were not in a relationship why would either of us, especially him, work on trying to make it work, right? and then I tell myself that he knows I want a future with him and if he didn’t really want a relationship why would he still be around ? I guess I am confused on what I should do? I am usually a very strong woman but this craziness of we act like Boyfriend / girlfriend but he just won’t admit to it is making me insecure and very sad… Please help

Mina

Hi Mina,

Thank you for the question.  Unfortunately I have heard this all too frequently.  This is not going to be good news for you.  I am going to tell you what you are refusing to hear him say, even though he has told you directly to your face.   You started this question out saying ‘my guy’ but the truth is he is not your man.  Even though he is clear about what he wants and does NOT want, you are refusing to believe him because you want this to be a relationship.  It is not.  It is only a relationship when both people agree that it is.  You are living in a year-long one-night-stand that has not ended.   And it won’t end until you finally leave.  He does not want a girlfriend and he does not want a relationship.  He has said this over and over.  Yet you think that because he is sleeping with you and spending time with you and likes you a little bit that he will change his mind.  They usually do not change their mind.  One day you finally wake up and realize that he was never in a real relationship with you and you leave.

When we really want something badly, sometimes we refuse to look at the truth of it.  You are trying to make this into what you want.  But he is not going along with you.  He doesn’t see you as his woman and has clearly pointed out to you he does not want to be in a relationship.  You think he is confused, but it is you.  You have believed that because he is with you and maybe he has given you gifts, taken you on trips, possibly even said, “I love you.”  But even if he has done these things, if he still says “You are not my girlfriend” or “this is not a relationship” he means what he is saying.  He does not consider you his girlfriend nor think of the two of you as in a relationship.

You are going to have to decide whether or not you will stay in this type of non-relationship with you two ‘hanging out’ together but not being a couple.  If you want a real relationship with a man that wants you to be his woman and who wants to be your man, you will have to let go of this guy and find someone else.

I know this will not be easy to do, so I am here for you if you need assistance.  Value yourself more.  If a man does not want a real relationship with you, a committed and monogamous relationship, move on.

Good luck!

Kiki

Singles, send your questions to info@kikistrickland.com.  AND if you want to be married in the next two years or so, sign up for a FREE consultation on my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program

Happy Dating!

 

Ask Kiki – Is it Me or Them?

Ask Kiki bannerAs a dating coach, I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
photo
Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Question from Samantha

Hi Kiki,

I am a big fan of your blog. I have a few questions to ask you because I can’t get around my relationship dilemma.  I call it a dilemma because I have never dated someone for over a year, I don’t why.  Anyways, I always end up falling in love with a guy, and then after couple of months I start feeling like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.   This has been happening to me since my first high school sweetheart when I was 16 and I am now 22. Do you think I am the one with the problem? Please write back…

Samantha

Hi Samantha,

Thanks for the question.  Since I do not have any of the details about your relationships – how they started, whom approached whom, the dynamics of it, etc. – I cannot really speak to that part.  However, you did say you start to FEEL like the guy doesn’t want to be with you anymore and wonder if you are the problem.  My question to you is why do you feel like they don’t want you anymore?  Is it just a feeling?  Insecurity on your part?  Or are they pulling away, avoiding you or fading out of the relationship?   Is it hot and heavy at first, then just starts to cool off – which can be normal if it was just infatuation.  Is this a deeper problem with your own self-worth, confidence and belief in your ability to keep a man?  Please contact me offline for a dating coaching session so that we can get to the bottom of the issue before you enter into your next relationship.  

You are not alone.   Many women are afraid that once they are in a relationship, they will somehow ‘lose’ the guy.  Often times this is exactly what happens because the woman’s fear causes her to behave in ways that push the men away.  Let’s talk.  Contact me at info@kikistrickland.com.

Kiki

If you are enjoying my blog, please join me on my blogtalk radio show!

Saturday’s topic will be “Let’s Talk About Dating!” at 9:30AM on Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland.  Listen HERE.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

 

Ask Kiki – Dating Q and A – Jen

Ask Kiki banner2

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names* to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
photo
Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Question from Jen*

Hi there ma’am. I’m Jen, 18yrs old from Philippines. I have read some of your articles while I was browsing in google. Like, how to get over his past. It was really a big help for me. It helped me to overcome my insecurities with his ex girlfriend. Thank you for that. Since before having relationship with him, I promise to myself that I want to be the right girlfriend for him. But eventually, I’m really getting worse and worse. I’m becoming possessive and it’s really hard for me to cure it. I always want to prove him that I can change my possessiveness to be a more loving girlfriend, but I always fail. I really need someone to give me advise. I do really love him, and I dont want to lose him.
Whenever, he’s talking to other girls, like his classmates, schoolmates, or friends, i always feel like i want to punch those girls in the face. I know it’s really mean to do. I think i also have problem with self-esteem. Sometimes we even argue because of small things, or I even start fight with non sense things. Please help me. I want to be a better girlfriend for him.

Jen

Kiki:  Hi Jen! Thanks for the email. Yes, it does sound like it is your own insecurity that is getting in your way of a good relationship.  If you have no reason to suspect him of cheating or doing anything wrong with these women, be confident that he has chosen YOU as his girlfriend and allow him the space to have friendships with others.  It is a hard thing to do when you fear someone else can take him away from you.  But since that has not happened, it is unfounded and just a distraction to keep you from being happy.  Don’t let it!

I think you should also talk to someone about your jealousy issues.  You should not want to fight a woman just because she is talking to your guy.  There is a self-esteem issue, just like you suspected, and you can get help for that from a therapist or counselor.  Why are you insecure?  Why is your self-esteem low?  There are reasons and you must address those in order to begin to see your own self-worth and become more confident in who you are and your ability to attract and keep a good man.  You are only 18 – you have plenty of time to work on yourself and your confidence.  We can do a few sessions together to start heading you in the right direction.  Contact me at info@kikistrickland.com for more info.

Good luck!

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Chemistry vs Compatibility

In my dating coaching business, one of the main obstacles to overcome with clients is the perception that chemistry is more important than any thing else.  Clients tell me that if they do not feel a spark or fireworks or something strong on that first meeting/date, they are not interested in seeing the guy again.

“But what if he has ALL of the qualities that you are looking for?”

Here is what women say (in the beginning), “Well, that doesn’t matter if I am not attracted to him.”

WRONG!

Attraction can grow.  Chemistry can grow.  Chemistry and attraction can even get stronger over time.  What you have been looking for, incorrectly in my opinion, is a strong chemistry FIRST.  You want to have that instant, immediate sexual attraction and physical chemistry first and that is why you overlook the best guys for you.  Some of the best marriages started out as friendships or didn’t have that much attraction initially (for the woman).  But some of you don’t know this.   Even women that had that strong sexual attraction with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband are still looking for that again – even though they know that wasn’t enough to sustain the relationship.

I teach my clients to know what they really NEED for the relationship to work.  Shared values, similar goals and lifestyles, compatible faiths, integrity, comfortable and enjoyable time together, financial stability, etc.  When you are putting too much value on physical chemistry, you may start to overlook these more important factors.  But these factors are what will make the relationship work well over time.  NOT the physical.  You can be physically attracted to the wrong type of man.  You can be physically attracted to men in the wrong age group.  But what you NEED is more than that.

Yes, you will need to be attracted to your husband.  But you don’t need to be instantly attracted to the man that will become your husband.  You may find him more attractive after you get to know him.  People start to look better the nicer they treat you!  It’s true.  If he is a good man with the qualities you have been looking for, the fact that you didn’t initially notice him in a crowd should not matter.

So get this, because it is very important and may be the reason that you are still single.  Stop judging men on instant chemistry.  Start looking for compatibility.  Wiktionary defines compatibility as

 The state of being compatible; in which two or more things are able to exist or perform together in combination without problems or conflict.

This is what you really want.  So forget about physical chemistry for the first couple of dates and find out if there is compatibility first.   If there is, see if the man starts to look and feel better for you.  Give it a little time.  If you feel absolutely nothing for him by the third date, you don’t have to have a fourth, but at least you gave it a real chance.

Sign up for a FREE consultation for my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

Christmas shopping…and MEN!

men shopping

Man shopping for clothes
Man shopping for clothes

Ladies, today is the day before Christmas Eve and it will be a BIG shopping day!  Tomorrow will be, too.  And guess what?  The men will be out in droves!  Men are notorious for being 11th Hour shoppers, AKA last minute shoppers.  I was in Best Buy one year on the day before Christmas Eve and I was shocked at how many men were there.  The store was packed with men.  I was looking for a laptop at the time and I remember getting several guys’ opinion on which one I should buy.

I think you single ladies may want to go out tonight and tomorrow night (wherever you are) and do a little man watching.  Go to the popular town center in your area (make sure there are gadget stores like Best Buy, Apple, Game Stop, etc) and mingle.  Yes, some will be married, but many won’t.  Ask for an opinion about a particular gadget if you don’t see a ring on his finger.   And also go on the day AFTER Christmas, which is also known to be the biggest return and shopping day, as well.

Don’t forget if you are traveling for Christmas, BE FRIENDLY with those traveling with you.  Sit near a hottie while you are waiting at the gate at the airport.  Make small talk if there is a long wait.

And start planning for New Year’s Eve, which will be the biggest flirt night bonanza of all nights!  Get a slammin’ dress, your hair ‘did’ and flirt, flirt, flirt!

More on this next week, so stay tuned!

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Sign up for a FREE consultation at http://www.kikistrickland.com
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

Get a Love Life!

black-couple-on-a-date

Last night I spoke to a group of women on Love Life 101.  Get a love life – you should have one!  Most say they do not have a love life at all.  They do not go out or meet anyone, they are not doing online dating….NOTHING!   That should not be.  Not only should you have an active love life, you should be going out on at least one date a month.

There are a couple of VALID reasons that a woman may not have a love life at the moment and I shared what those are:

  1. The only reason you should not have a love life is when you are on a brief hiatus while you are working on yourself (or getting yourself together in therapy), taking care of or dealing with some issues, concerns or problems that you need to fix.
  2. or if you just got out of a relationship and need time to HEAL from it.  (If you don’t need time to heal, then keep on dating).

Other than these reasons, you should have a healthy love life.

The Cambridge Dictionary describes LOVE LIFE as the ​romanticrelationships in a person’s ​life.

So start on your love life NOW by going to a few holiday parties!  Like I said last week, there are plenty of holiday parties happening right now.  This is the time to do it.  Be friendly and mingle.  Meet at least THREE guys while you are there.

Last night I also talked about ONE aspect that may be holding you back from a successful love life.

One main reason why you may not have a love life is because you are still living in the past.

In the past maybe you only dated a certain type of guy – same look, same career, same attitude.  And even though that did not WORK for you, you are still seeking the same type.  That is a mistake.  Stop living in the past – try something different now!

Another way that we live in the past is to let bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness take over our lives and hold us back.  I recently read a novel by Danielle Steele in which the main character had held on to her anger at her ex-husband for 10 years.  Her years of hating her ex had closed her heart to men.  She had not been in a relationship since her divorce and had serious walls up around her heart.  She was afraid to let anyone hurt her again.  It was not until she finally was able to forgive him and let it go that she met a wonderful man whom she ended up marrying.

And yet another way to live in the past is to keep ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands or men who won’t commit to you around – wasting your time, waiting for him to commit or act right or make you his woman.  This is a huge mistake.  If a man has told you to your face that you are not The One, believe him.  If he has already divorced you, he left!  Don’t let the old guy keep you from a NEW MAN!  He is wasting your precious time, energy and love.

To hear the tele-class on this topic that I gave yesterday, LISTEN HERE

 

And if you would like to work together, get a FREE consultation on my Program “MARRIED IN 2 YEARS or LESS”at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program so that I can send you the link to schedule the consultation.  2 clients got married this year, more clients are in serious relationships headed toward marriage, and YOU CAN BE, TOO!  Get professional assistance with your love life – don’t leave things to chance anymore.

Happy Dating!

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach