You’re CRAZY to Date Him #2

michel-le

This is the second installment of my new series, “You’re Crazy to Date Him!”  (Note, I am not calling any of you mentally unstable.  I am saying that it is temporary insanity to continue in this behavior).

Did you watch the new Lifetime movie on the life of Michel’le?  “Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel’le,” is the story of R&B singer Michel’le and her rise to fame.  I only was able to watch the first hour before having to go to an event, but what I saw had me boiling!

Why do we stay with a man who looks at us with hatred and hits us like we’re a man?

Even though I saw a family member go through something similar, I never understood it.  I saw her struggles and told myself at the tender age of 10 years old that no one would EVER treat me badly like that.  And no one ever has.

Michel’le stayed with Dre, and then went on to another relationship with Suge Knight that was also somewhat abusive.  Her own mother had a warped view of love and had told her when she was young that men hit because they love.  Young and confused about love, Michel’le said that she actually believed that the more he hit her, the more it meant he loved her.

That is a sad story!  Let me just make it clear:  that is hogwash!

You are CRAZY to stay with a man that puts his hands on you, hits you or hurts you in any way.  I know that sounds harsh and not politically correct to say.  But really, your self-esteem needs a major overhaul if you would allow that.  No one has the right to hit you.   You should not allow someone to hurt you.

The movie made me so mad.  I watched in horror at the abuse she suffered at the hands of her ‘boyfriend’ Dre.  There is something mentally wrong with a man that thinks it is OK to beat up a woman, especially one he is supposed to love.  He is definitely crazy, demented and more.  I think men who abuse need therapy AND jail time.  Assault charges can carry significant jail time in some cases.

What is Assault under Maryland Law?
Assault is the attempted touching of another person, without that person’s consent, and includes the act of placing someone in fear of an intentional touching. Battery is the unlawful and offensive touching of another person without that person’s consent.  Under Maryland law, an “Assault” encompasses the crimes of assault, battery, and assault and battery.  From www.maryland-defense-lawyer.com/assault/

Beating/hitting someone is a CRIME!  It is against the law.  A crime has been committed against you.

Michel’le said that based on what she saw and was taught growing up, when Dre beat her up for the first time, she was terrified and GRATEFUL because she thought it meant he really loved her.

I believe both people in an abusive relationship need to get counseling/therapy.  And those in their lives probably need to be a part of a support group for the abused and their families.

If the man you are seeing belittles you in any way, makes you feel less than, ridicules you, talks down to you or calls you names, or hits, pushes, kicks or in any way physically harms you, LEAVE HIM.  Immediately.  If you keep going back to or staying with someone who continues to beat you up, you are CONSENTING to being assaulted and abused.  You are telling the person it is OK to do that to you.  You must stand up for yourself.  Get help and leave!

Nor should you hit anyone.   If you are hitting a man, he is crazy to stay with YOU.  You both have issues and need counseling.

I think back to the whole Ray Rice story and his fiance being knocked out by him in the elevator that time.  And if that was an incident made public because of the elevator cameras, just think of all the incidents that they must have had that were not made public.  I do not believe these incidents are one-time events.  If a man hits you once, it very likely that it will continue unless you get help.

I believe they are still together and about to have a baby.

I hope they are both getting the help they need.

Ray and Janay Riceray-rice

To read more about the Michel’le story:

http://www.ibtimes.com/surviving-compton-exposes-michelles-abuse-dr-dre-relationship-suge-knight-16-things-2428963

Have you ever been afraid of a man you were dating?  Did you ever stay in a relationship that felt scary or unhealthy?  Has a man ever hit you or threatened to?  Leave your comments below if you want to share.

As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 
If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!

You’re CRAZY to date him!

Check out the new series from Dating Coach Kiki Strickland called “You’re Crazy to date Him!”essence-com-photo
photo credit Essence.com
As a dating coach, I meet with women who are seeking to improve their love lives and finally meet the Right One, get engaged and start a family.  Over the years I have heard all kinds of stories.  One frequent story I hear from ladies looking for Mr. Right is that they have been wrapped up in a warped relationship with Mr. Wrong!
And sadly sometimes this relationship is with a MARRIED MAN.
They know this is wrong and that they should never have given him the time of day (unless they didn’t know that he was married initially, in which case they were fooled) but usually they are having a hard time ending the relationship with him.  In some cases they have been seeing him for YEARS.
And they realize on some level that being with him, or rather NOT being with him in the relationship that they want and need from a man, is one of the reasons that they have not been able to find the right man.
If there is any situation where you are crazy to keep seeing him, this is the one!
Here is what I say about you with married men:
– he had the nerve to give another woman YOUR ring and make a commitment to HER not you, then tries to come around you PART-TIME while giving her full-time love.
You are a secret
You get his leftovers
You don’t think highly enough of yourself to demand 1st place in a man’s heart
You have accepted second place
You believe in a man who has made lying a daily thing (to his family and to you.  Don’t think for a second that he is 100% honest with you about their relationship, he isn’t.)
Neither of you are being respected and cherished by him
You deserve better
To all the ladies that come to me caught up in a cycle with a taken man – whether he has a girlfriend or a fiance or a wife or he just won’t commit to you after all this time – I advise them to cut it off immediately.  The relationship has been a waste of precious time.
How can God bring you the gift he has for you when you are involved in the degradation of a marriage?  What room do you have for the man that is going to love and cherish you and commit to you when your heart is entangled with a cheater?  It does not end well.  End it now before it gets worse.
Once you set yourself FREE from that dead end relationship, you will come alive again, your spirit will soar, the blinders will be taken off and you will finally be on your way to true happiness with the RIGHT person.  Amen!
If you want to be married within the next two years, join me in my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program.
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

Marriage is INDEED an accomplishment!

There was an article in the Huffington Post by a newly engaged woman who said that she was surprised at how excited everyone was about her recent engagement.  She said these people had not expressed such excitement over her graduation from college or promotions at work.  She said that while she was happy to be getting married, it was not like marriage is an accomplishment or anything!

I beg to differ!  Marriage, certainly a GOOD marriage, is indeed an accomplishment.  We are also in a day and age where marriage, even getting engaged, is no longer a GIVEN.  There are many that will never marry.  There are singles who are now in their 60’s and 70’s and never found the love of their lives.  So those of you that do make it down the aisle have indeed accomplished something.

Finding someone to love and who also loves you back enough to MARRY you is not easy, as evidenced by the need for my dating coaching business.  Online dating sites make millions each year on singles who want to find true love.  And you, single readers, are seeking it but haven’t yet found it.  But you will – thankfully!

People celebrate love and believe in love.  That is why they will travel thousands of miles to attend your wedding, even if they did not do so for your graduation.  In another article a woman complained that her friends and family did not share her enthusiasm about passing the bar.  She said she couldn’t even find a group to attend her celebration and how one girlfriend even opted to work on her other friend’s engagement party instead of attending.   But it is not that people don’t VALUE degrees and awards and promotions and the like.  They do.   It is just that they realize that jobs come and go.  But when it is all said and done, your family and the family you created with the person you loved is all that is going to matter.  When your days are over, you will not think about your degree or whether you should have applied for that promotion or even what house you lived in.  You will want those who love you and whom you love to be with you.

And if you have had children, you hope that they will have been your greatest accomplishment.

So yes, get your degrees and pass the Bar, but don’t forget how valuable LOVE is!

Join me for my Strong, Successful, Single Woman Syndrome seminar this Friday at 1629 K Street NW Suite 300.  It’s FREE!  6:30PM

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

Where all the Black men are!

black-men

The biggest and most frequent question I get as a dating coach from Black women is WHERE can I find a good man?

Well…that is the million dollar question!  WHERE is the type of man that you like?  What are you looking for?  What do you need in a mate?  Where would that type of man hang out?  What kind of events does he attend?  What kind of organizations is he a part of?

Think on these things…

You are in luck this week if you are looking for a man that is professional and cares about the Black community.  He will be in town this week for CBC – the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Legislative Conference.  I used to think that CBC was just for politicians or activists, but upon attending my first ALC Conference, I realized it has a little bit for everyone.  From seminars on Cuba & Haiti to uterine fibroids to natural hair care to recidivism to Black Lives Matter, CBC has a little bit of everything and everyone (celebrities included!).

You may have missed the Flirting 101 class I did on CBC, but you are in luck!  I did a blogtalk show a couple of years ago on Meeting Mr. Right in Three Days or Less and I talked about meeting potentials at events, conferences and annual meetings, much like this one.  LISTEN HERE.  And CBC is one of the best places.  So if you have any vacation time, sick days or even an extended lunch hour, run by this Thursday or Friday and check out the scene.  And don’t forget the receptions that take place after the conference for fun and dancing.

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 
As featured in EBONY Magazine

How NOT to succeed at ONLINE DATING

virtually in love show

Have you seen the show “Virtually in Love” on the Oxygen Network?  I have watched two episodes and I must say it is online dating at its worst!

Here is the description of the show from USMagazine.com before it began:

Oxygen is launching an unscripted series called Virtually in Love that centers on online daters traveling great distances to finally meet their significant others in person, Us Weekly can exclusively reveal.
The series, premiering May 24, will show the face-to-face introductions, followed by the ups and downs as the pairs learn more about each other and meet the other’s family and friends. The couples will then decide whether to continue dating in the same city to further their real-life connection.

The problem with the show’s participants is that they have waited months, some times even years, to finally meet in person.  In most cases they have been chatting online or via phone every day and feel like they are in love.  They have carried on a ‘virtual’ relationship and now they are finally meeting face to face.  In both episodes that I have seen, once they did meet and got to know each other better, the relationship fell apart.  In almost all of the cases each had held back some pertinent information about themselves.  That is very easy to do when you are only talking to someone via phone, chat or SKYPE for an hour.

In order to get to know someone well, you must spend quality time with them.  I am an advocate for dating online or meeting over the internet but it is just a MEETING.  You should not ‘date’ them over the internet.  I believe you should meet the person as quickly as possible to see if there is any chemistry IN PERSON.  If distance keeps you from being able to frequently meet up in person, that is OK.  Do not decide to become exclusive until you have met FIRST in person and confirmed your true interest (compatibility, chemistry, attraction).   If after that you want to continue the relationship and it has to be virtual, it can still work.  But long distance relationships are difficult and need to have specific perimeters, timelines and goals.

I am doing a FREE tele-seminar on Online Dating this Saturday to teach you how to be better at meeting the opposite sex online and to finally start getting the results you want.   One of my clients who got married last year (2015) met her husband online.  And another one of my clients who just recently got engaged and will be married this year also met her fiance online.

Online dating websites and dating apps definitely work.  But only if you know how to work them.  Join me on Saturday for tips and strategies.

Sign up on my homepage to participate:  www.kikistrickland.com

Online Dating Secrets – Saturday, August 13, 2016 – 8AM – 8:30AM (you can listen later as long as you have registered)

If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

 

Ask Kiki – I want to break up but my family loves him…

runaway bride

As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Question from Haley*:

Hi Kiki, This is very hard for me because I feel like my family is going to throw a fit when I tell them I want to break up with my boyfriend.  They think he is The One for me.  But I don’t.  I would like to see other people but I know everyone, including him, my parents, my brother and the dog (LOL) is going to be upset with me.  He is a nice guy and I understand that but I don’t love him. Everyone is hoping we will get married, except me.  What should I do?  Thanks.

Hi Haley,

Thank you for the question.  I will get right to the point.  Even though I recommend going out on a few dates with someone you are not initially attracted to see if any chemistry develops, I do not believe in continuing long-term with someone that you are not feeling.

Don’t marry him.  If you are not feeling it, it does not matter what anyone else wants.  Your parents, brother, dog, neighbor, etc. will not be the one in the marriage to him.  It will be YOU and him.  And if you are not down with this program, you need to let him know and stop wasting his time.  If he is open to backing up and seeing other people, do it.  But if he says it’s all or nothing, be prepared for your family to be confused and upset.  But they will get over it.

Now if there really is nothing wrong with him and the problem is YOU, we need to talk.  If you are always running from great guys and hooking with the guys who are NOT good for you, that is another story and we should work together to find out why you keep doing that and if you have some fears surrounding marriage/commitment.  You could be sabotaging yourself, as many women do.  That is what a dating coach is for – to help you navigate this thing called dating to get you to where you really want to ultimately be in your love life.

But if it is not you, move on from this guy.  Good luck with finding the One you do want to marry.  Keep me posted!

Thanks,

Kiki

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!

 
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photo
Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach
 

Check out our events coming up, including our Love Attraction Retreat – a cruise in December!!!  Visit http://www.kikistrickland.com for more information.

Ask Kiki – I’m having trouble determining at the core if he’s truly interested in me or if I would end up like all of his exes if I were to date him.

teensAs a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through.  I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues.  I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved.  Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.

Question from Abby*Ask Kiki banner2

Hi Ms. Strickland! I just read your article about why guys may not want to commit, and I thought maybe you’d be able to offer some advice. I’m still in high school, so I don’t know how much help you’d be able to offer, given the nature of teenage relationships. I guess asking you is worth a shot, though. My best guy friend, whom I’ve known for years, is someone I’ve been interested in for a long time, and in whom within the last year I’ve taken a serious liking to. It’s plain that he’s at least been mildly interested in me, too. The problem is, he dates a lot of girls, and his relationships have lasted no more than two months each. I’m having trouble determining at the core if he’s truly interested in me or if I would end up like all of his exes if I were to date him. I’m going to try to make this as short as I can. The story goes like this: In these five years of being friends with this guy, I’ve gotten very close to him and his family. We’ve experienced the loss of his father, and grown closer through attending the same church. He and his family have been very generous. Anything I or my parents have ever needed, they’ve done for us, no questions asked. His family is not at all silent about how much they want the two of us to be together. He’s tried making sexual advances, all of which I’ve shut down because of my lack of readiness. I believe that shutting him down lead him to think I wasn’t interested in dating him, because he moved on to some other girl, though prior to that he mentioned more than once that we should date. When I saw that he was interested in another girl, it was then that I let him know that I liked him. I regret having been too timid to tell him I was interested before that. Anyway, they dated for two months before he dumped her. Later that month he invited me to stay over so that we could hunt early in the morning. Again he tried making advances, and again, I shut him down. Stupidly, I gave him an ultimatum, telling him that either we’re just best friends or we’re together; not fwb. I thought I’d scared him off, until over Christmas a month later he took me on what I think was a date (he asked me, paid, held the door, shared an appetizer, ignored his phone – the whole 9 yards). However, about two weeks later he started dating this girl he’d been talking to, who just the other day dumped him for her ex. All this while, no matter who he’s dated, we’ve been best friends, and I’ve always had the feeling that his feelings towards me have been more than friendship, and I’ve held on hope that we’ll be something more. He’s cared about me, and payed a great amount of attention to me, complimenting my looks, remembering things I say, and showing genuine interest in my life. My questions for you are: is he interested in me in that way, and if so, to what extent? Was it a date in December? And, what do I do next? Thank you for taking the time to read this and consider my questions. I’ve just got this feeling about this guy, and if I didn’t, I’d probably not be asking for advice on this.

Hi Abby. Thanks for reading my article and for the message. It does sound like your relationship is a little complicated and you will never know the answers to these questions unless you talk to him honestly about all this. Communication is key. He needs to know what you want from him (exclusivity? commitment? romance?) and you need to know what he really wants from you. If he is really a good friend, you should be able to sit down and have a straight heart-to-heart talk about what you both really want from each other, especially after so many years of friendship. Hope this helps!  Good luck. Kiki

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
 
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photo
Kiki Strickland
Married in 2 Years or Less Dating Coach