Are You a Gold Digger for Wanting a Man with Money?

gold digger

Are You a Gold Digger because you want a man with money?

I have heard people (men mainly) throw around the term ‘gold digger’ for women who are interested in the financial status of the men they date.  What do you think about the term?  Who would you describe as a gold digger?

Here is what it says in the dictionary –

Webster says:  : a woman who becomes or tries to become romantically involved with a rich man in order to get money and gifts from him

Informal – a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.

From urban dictionary:  Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits.  A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man.   The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boytoy.

So, is a woman that has her own money but only wants to date a man who has more money than she does a gold digger?

No.

As a dating coach, I meet with singles about their love lives.  They tell me what they are looking for, what they need and want, and how things are going.   Many of you ladies tell me that you would love it if a man makes at least as much as you do (and you are making a LOT!).   Some of you want him to make more than you do.   There is nothing wrong with this.

It is ALSO OK if you do not make a lot of money but want to date and marry someone that makes MORE than you do.  That is not gold digging.

I believe that to be a gold digger, you must be trading or attempting to trade favors for monetary or material gain.  That means that you are with a guy who can provide ‘benefits’ for you or pay for things for you when you don’t really like him.  If you really do like him and not just with him for money, you are not a gold digger.

You are not a gold digger just because you go on dates with men and let them pay.  That is just silly.  (I had a woman tell me she never lets a man pay because one guy told her that women who go out with men and let them pay are just gold diggers.  Hogwash!).  A man should pay for your date, if he has invited you out on the date.  (And don’t worry, men who have money are not bothered by paying for your dates.  It is usually the broke men who want to call women gold diggers and derogatory names, when they don’t have any gold to dig anyway!).  Now if you expect the man that you date to pay your bills, rent/mortgage or car note, that is something else entirely.  Or if you think you are going to LIVE off the man you marry, despite what he wants, you may need to check your mindset.   (If he wants you to be a stay-at-home wife and you want to, that is fine!)

Don’t let anyone try to make you feel bad for having financial standards in dating.  If you make six figures and only want to date men who make six figures, that is your preference.  It may narrow your pool a lot, but if you are fine with that, fine.  If you make $40,000 per year and want to date men that make six figures, that is OK too, but keep in mind that they may want a woman that is similar to them is education, background and lifestyle.  You may not be what they are looking for.  But if you are, great!

Divas don’t play the gold digger role.  I talk about this is my e-book, How Divas Date.  A diva has her own finances and can support herself, usually very well.  But on the other hand, I also have a podcast series called “Meeting a Man of Means” that I offer in my web store for women that are looking for a man of status and wealth as a partner/husband.  Know what you want/need and stand by your decision, unapologetically.  And don’t let the term ‘gold digger’ phase you if it really doesn’t apply.

What do you think?  When is a woman a gold digger?  And are men ever gold diggers, too?  Comment here.

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

 

Match His Level of Interest

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In the world of dating, I see women making many mistakes.  A major one is to get ahead of the guy in the relationship.  You are already acting like his girlfriend, expecting him to do things like he is your man, and you get upset if he isn’t.  You are being impatient.  Don’t get invested in him or the relationship (there isn’t one yet!) until he is invested.  If he is only casually interested in you, be casually interested in him.  If he only calls you once a week, respond once a week.
Do not put the cart before the horse, as they say.  Nor should you put all your eggs in one basket.  Sometimes the reason you are so enamored and impatient about him is because he is the only one you are seeing.  Date other men!  Do not become focused on one man unless/until he has made it clear (by a conversation with you) that he is focusing only on you.  Until then, assume he is also dating other women.  And you should date other men!
Gone are the days when singles focused only on one person at a time in dating – only going out with one person for a few months (trying it out) then moving on and focusing on another person a few months.   NO!  You should be getting to know SEVERAL different guys, casually.  It is OK to go out with Mark on Friday and Rick on Saturday.  You are not invested in either of them and you are not sleeping with them either!  That would be a huge mistake.
Let the guy set the pace, within reason, of course.  If he is moving too fast and you don’t want him to, by all means, slow it down.  But also if he is as slow as molasses, go with the flow, if he is someone you think you like.   You can do this when you have others to date and when your heart is not invested yet.
DO NOT INVEST YOUR BODY OR HEART BEFORE HE COMMITS TO YOU. 
The last thing you want to do is to be sharing him sexually with another woman!  That is unsafe.
So unless he has brought up exclusivity with only you, he is NOT your man and you are not his woman.  Stay out of his bedroom!
And if he is just calling sometimes or taking you out once a month, be content with that and enjoy it – since he is NOT your man yet.  He obviously has some interest in you or he wouldn’t be taking you out monthly.   Let him go at his own pace…but do your own thing, too, until it becomes more.
Happy Dating!
If you need help with your love life, sign up for a FREE 15 minute consultation with Kiki Strickland at http://www.kikistrickland.com
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

Sports Flirting…Do it!

NFLFemale

Ladies, it’s no secret that men like sports.  An easy way to get noticed is to wear a sports jersey.  I don’t know how many men talk to me when I am out running errands with a Redskins jersey or T-shirt on.  I bought my jersey at Target for $19.  I also bought one from a thrift store for $8!  No matter where I am, a man will stop and say he likes my jersey or ask if I am a real fan or something about the team or most recent game.  Ladies, this is the PERFECT opportunity to chat with men.  Get a jersey of your town’s team.  It doesn’t matter whether you like the sport or not.  It is just an icebreaker.  And if a good-looking guy says something to you about your jersey, smile and ask him if he follows the team.  Or if he goes to the games.  Or who his favorite player is.

I offer a Football basics seminar for ladies to teach them a little bit about football (I get a man to teach it, I don’t teach it myself!) so that they know enough to have a conversation.  You can pick up a little knowledge about any sport by reading about it on Wikipedia.  I also recommend watching the news (you should be doing that anyway to know what is happening in the world and your area) and paying attention to the sports news at the end.  Local news always highlight the latest sports news in your area so find out what’s new.  You will be able to have at least a short conversation about what you heard.

If you really want to be knowledgeable, watch ESPN a little bit to find out more about the players, teams and gossip!

Sports bars are also an easy place to meet men – if you are dressed properly and enjoy the game.  For sports bars you should wear that jersey I told you to get.  Do not go in dressed up.  Jeans or shorts and the jersey is perfect for this atmosphere.  Sit at the bar and start watching the game.  Don’t make too many comments, unless those around you are commenting a lot.  Just listen, smile and appear into the game.  If the men next to you start talking to you, engage them in the conversation, but mostly likely it will be about sports.  That is fine!  Just mention what you heard on the news or ESPN.

Men LOVE women that they can hang out with and enjoy sports with!  It is comfortable for them.  You are in their world!  If you are an attractive woman that can enjoy the game with them, you are golden!

Read more about this topic in my upcoming e-book, A Diva’s Guide to Flirting.  It will be available this September on Amazon Kindle and through my website.

Also register for our next Football Basics for Women & Flirting Tips on September 12, the day before the real NFL season begins!  REGISTER.

Preseason games start this Sunday so get out there and mingle!

Happy Flirting!redskins tshirt

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

 

Divas Don’t Pursue Men…and other don’ts

divas dont pursue2

I did a seminar this month on UNDERSTANDING MEN.  There were nine ladies in attendance and boy, did we cover a lot!

I talked about men and dating, men and money, men and sex and how they view these three things very differently than we do.  Great topic!  I will definitely repeat this topic again in the Fall for those ladies that did not make it.

It is very important to understand how men think, what they want (and don’t want), what matters to them and what they really value when it comes to dating, being in a relationship, and of course, ultimately marriage.  All the mistakes I see women making in relationships mainly stem from this lack of understanding the male mind and how different it is from ours.

One of my e-books, How Divas Date, covers the do’s and don’ts in dealing with men.  For example, a diva knows her self-worth and is confident in who she is, so she knows that SHE IS THE PRIZE.  She does not chase after men (if you are chasing them they are not chasing you) or try to get them to date her.  She knows that if a man is interested, he will let her know.  Men are still wooing women.  They woo the women that don’t woo them and whom they are really interested in.

Now this is different from flirting.  If you are confused about flirting, come to one of my FLIRT NIGHTS on a Friday in DC.  We are also implementing a Saturday Night Flirt Night beginning in August 2015.  Divas do flirt.  They are friendly and confident and will strike up a conversation with a man.  But they will NOT ask a man out or throw themselves at him.  They know that the man must still be the pursuer.  While a diva is friendly and outgoing and will talk to a man she does not know (flirting), if he does not take things further or express any interest, she moves on.  She is not going to call him, email him, invite him to something she is going to or otherwise pursue him.

Here are a few other don’ts in my e-book:

Divas DO NOT sit around waiting by the phone

Divas don’t do long distance relationships for long

Divas don’t do dutch dates

Divas don’t buy things for dudes

Divas do NOT go back to the Ex

Divas don’t do rebounds

Divas don’t kiss & tell

Divas don’t do jealousy

To learn more, pick it up at my website HERE.

And don’t forget to check my EVENT page for my next UNDERSTANDING MEN seminar this Fall.

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 

Why Matchmaking Alone Doesn’t Work

cupidDid you see the WJLA (ABC) News report last night?  The Cost of Cupid: Does expensive, customized matchmaking work?

The report profiled a company called DC Singles, saying the company charges $2500 for a certain number of matches but had complaining customers who felt they did not deliver on the matches.  One woman had paid for seven matches and felt that none of the men measured up to her standards.  Another woman paid for four matches (paid the same price for fewer matches – was race a factor?) and did like one guy.  But the report also pointed out that DC Singles appeared to be a local company when in fact it is a national company with local offices with a very low consumer satisfaction rating.

This doesn’t surprise me.  As a matchmaker and dating coach, I know that people think finding a singles company that will introduce them to their Prince Charming is all that they need.  They are willing to spend thousands of dollars on matches and go in with the misconception that they will be able to ‘order up’ the perfect match.  For example, most women are looking for a 6’4, slender, making over six figures man who looks like The Rock (Dewayne Johnson).

Unfortunately matchmaking does not work that way.  There are very few Dewayne Johnsons out there – and he probably doesn’t use a matchmaker.  The singles agency is only going to have those men and women that have signed up with their company, and possibly other sister companies that may work with them.  This can work – suitable matches can be found depending on the agency’s clientele.  But there is another reason why matchmaking alone does not work.

Singles think they are READY for a relationship and that they KNOW how to date, when often they are not and do not!  The reality is finding you a suitable match means nothing if you don’t know how to make a relationship work.  If you, as a single woman or man, have not dealt with your issues, developed your relationship skills, know how to communicate and compromise, know how to receive and give love – it doesn’t matter how many matches you get.

I became a dating coach because I realized after a while that only matching singles was not enough.  Even singles that LIKED their match and wanted to make the relationship work DID NOT KNOW HOW.  I would introduce them to a perfectly suitable and attractive person, the two would like each other, but a month or two later, they would be back in my office asking for another match.

“What happened?” I would ask, and the answer was always something trivial that turned into a communication problem or a miscommunication, a perceived slight, an argument, etc.  I realized that a lot of people are single because they really just do not know how to be a part of a couple or date successfully.

Dating coaching helps with this.  Coaching allows you to finally LEARN how to date, how to be in a relationship, how to SUCCEED in relationships.

Without this, matchmaking, speed dating, online dating and any other way you find matches, won’t work.

If you do not know what to do with the perfect match for you, how you found the match is irrelevant.

This is why I believe that matchmaking services should only come with dating coaching.  There is no point in trying to set someone up on a date if they do not know how to date and are not really ready for a relationship.  Coaching determines your readiness, your abilities and skills at dating and helps you be ready for the relationship and the One.

Without this, there is not much success.

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and dating coach.  Check out her services, programs for single women, podcasts, blogtalk show and more at http://www.kikistrickland.com.

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

The Reality of Dating Shows

match made in heavenMatch Made in Heaven

The Bachelor

Millionaire Matchmaker

Married at 1st Sight

There are numerous reality dating shows on the air right now.  But just how REAL are they?

Not very.

I am often asked if I operate like or if I am personally like the Millionaire Matchmaker.  The answer is no.    Patti Stanger is a reality star.  Almost everything that you see is orchestrated and edited by PRODUCERS, those in charge of the show.  They are always coming up with new ways to match, new first dates for the clients to go on, etc.  That is all orchestrated for television.

Real matchmaking clients do not want to be matched at a ‘mixer’ where they are on display and have to talk to a room full of the opposite sex.  Men that come for matchmaking are usually not that attention-seeking.  They do not want that type of setup.  They are nice, decent, quiet guys that want to find Ms. Right – not be on television or display (even in front of the women).

Who do you think will come for an open ‘casting call’ like the ones on Patti’s show?  People who want to be on television.  Most are actors on the side and want to be seen by millions of people.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But that also makes the pool that she has to choose from very different from average people.

And add in the fact that you ARE on television with millions of people watching.  How would you act?  Wouldn’t you want to be picked by the bachelor?  Even if you have no attraction to him?  Just because it is a competition?  (some of these shows are actually classified by the networks as a GAME SHOW).  YES!  I think in REAL LIFE, most of those ladies wouldn’t even WANT to go out with the millionaire/bachelor.  But because there is a camera in your face and bright lights, you are smiling and hoping that you will be picked.   You want to be the WINNER.  I think some of those ladies have no intention of really dating Patti’s client.  They get their ten seconds of fame and hope a producer discovers them.  Or at least they get to say they were on TV.

Can you really find love on the air?

I don’t really think so.  I think it is hard enough to really connect with a person, let alone when there is a producer telling you where to stand and what to say.  How can you be your authenic self when someone else is orchestrating some of your actions?  And you know the other person’s motives may not be pure?  You are both behaving well for the cameras and making sure your best side is portrayed/shown.  That is not reality.

The season finale of Match Made in Heaven aired this week.  It was heartbreaking and confusing to see what the bachelor said to one of the women.  He said he loved her and would hate to see her with someone else.  It sounded like he was choosing her.  Then he dropped the bomb.  He said his heart was with someone else.  She was flabbergasted.  As were we.

I laugh at shows like this.  The Bachelor/Bachelorette style ‘reality’ show (and I use the term reality loosely), is crazy to see.  A man is pretending to like SEVERAL women at the same time.  In every episode he is kissing and touching one of them, sometimes more than one in the same day.  He is constantly telling each one, as well as the audience watching, that he is falling in love with her.  Why do women support these shows?  I hope it is because they know it is FICTION.  You would NEVER allow a man to date you and several other ladies at the same time, especially right in your face.  So I hope seeing him do that on the Big Screen is just a huge laugh.

You have to know that the ladies are playing along and just acting.  I sincerely hope so!  Each of them allows the producers to tell them what to say.  More than once they can be heard saying the standard line: “I’m really falling for him!”

I do understand why people watch.  It is like a mystery, where you are trying to figure out who he really does like.  Except it may not be any of them.  And in the end you are rewarded with the final answer.  Which girl did he REALLY like?  If anyone?

And people love to see drama – the fights, the crying, the crazies.

These shows survive because you watch.

But no, it is not reality.  Matchmakers do not usually match in the public eye.  It is a private, discrete, one-on-one process.  And first dates are usually not jumping out of a plane or a boxing lesson with a retired boxing champion.  And a man does not choose a bride by rushing through over-the-top dates orchestrated by TV people who want to sell commercial space and win the ratings sweep.

That is just entertainment.

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker & dating coach in Washington, DC (DC-VA-MD) who has worked with singles since 2006.  Let her know what your favorite reality dating show is and why at info@kikistrickland.com.

 

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine

Using March Madness to Meet Men!

march madness Ladies, this weekend is the Big East Championship!  If you don’t even know what I am talking about, you should have joined us at the “March Madness Basics” seminar I had on Sunday.  Just like for Super Bowl Sunday and the championship games that happened before Super Bowl, men will be out in droves to watch, especially if Georgetown makes it.   This is exactly where you should be to meet them!

We are having a March Madness Flirt Night for this very reason, where you can practice your flirting where all the men ARE.  It’s Saturday, March 14, starting at 6:30PM (for the Big East Championship).  Sign up today to get the Art of Flirting podcast to start preparing.  FLIRT NIGHT

Here are some of the tips we learned at my March Madness Basics seminar that will be useful in flirting. While watching the game you can ask him: “Do you think either of these teams can take it all?” “How many teams do you think the Big East will send to the DANCE?”  (the Dance is the National Tournament).

Before going to the game this Saturday, Google the top five teams of the Big East so you can add little nuggets to the conversation.

Here are the Big East teams playing this week (again, the championship game is this Saturday!):bigeast-tourney-bracket

Even if you are not joining us for Flirt Night, go to a nearby sports bar or restaurant in your area on Saturday evening and check out the men who are there.   Be friendly and sociable!  Wear sports attire but look cute!

Next Sunday is Selection Sunday, when the teams are selected for the National Tournament/Dance.

You can use these flirt questions below after Selection Sunday has taken place and the games have begun:

Ask him who his ‘cinderella team’ is.  A ‘cinderella team’ or ‘sleeper’ is the underdog that may do better than expected and take it all.

Ask him who is in his Elite 8 or Final 4.

Ask him who he thinks will take it all.

Also, if any local teams are in it (Georgetown or Maryland for the DMV area), ask how he thinks that team will do.

Make sure you do your own brackets so you can answer questions about who YOU have picked.

We will have another March Madness Flirt Night when it is down to the Final Four on April 4th so JOIN US!!!

Happy Dating, ladies!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine