As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Abby*
Hi Ms. Strickland! I just read your article about why guys may not want to commit, and I thought maybe you’d be able to offer some advice. I’m still in high school, so I don’t know how much help you’d be able to offer, given the nature of teenage relationships. I guess asking you is worth a shot, though. My best guy friend, whom I’ve known for years, is someone I’ve been interested in for a long time, and in whom within the last year I’ve taken a serious liking to. It’s plain that he’s at least been mildly interested in me, too. The problem is, he dates a lot of girls, and his relationships have lasted no more than two months each. I’m having trouble determining at the core if he’s truly interested in me or if I would end up like all of his exes if I were to date him. I’m going to try to make this as short as I can. The story goes like this: In these five years of being friends with this guy, I’ve gotten very close to him and his family. We’ve experienced the loss of his father, and grown closer through attending the same church. He and his family have been very generous. Anything I or my parents have ever needed, they’ve done for us, no questions asked. His family is not at all silent about how much they want the two of us to be together. He’s tried making sexual advances, all of which I’ve shut down because of my lack of readiness. I believe that shutting him down lead him to think I wasn’t interested in dating him, because he moved on to some other girl, though prior to that he mentioned more than once that we should date. When I saw that he was interested in another girl, it was then that I let him know that I liked him. I regret having been too timid to tell him I was interested before that. Anyway, they dated for two months before he dumped her. Later that month he invited me to stay over so that we could hunt early in the morning. Again he tried making advances, and again, I shut him down. Stupidly, I gave him an ultimatum, telling him that either we’re just best friends or we’re together; not fwb. I thought I’d scared him off, until over Christmas a month later he took me on what I think was a date (he asked me, paid, held the door, shared an appetizer, ignored his phone – the whole 9 yards). However, about two weeks later he started dating this girl he’d been talking to, who just the other day dumped him for her ex. All this while, no matter who he’s dated, we’ve been best friends, and I’ve always had the feeling that his feelings towards me have been more than friendship, and I’ve held on hope that we’ll be something more. He’s cared about me, and payed a great amount of attention to me, complimenting my looks, remembering things I say, and showing genuine interest in my life. My questions for you are: is he interested in me in that way, and if so, to what extent? Was it a date in December? And, what do I do next? Thank you for taking the time to read this and consider my questions. I’ve just got this feeling about this guy, and if I didn’t, I’d probably not be asking for advice on this.
Hi Abby. Thanks for reading my article and for the message. It does sound like your relationship is a little complicated and you will never know the answers to these questions unless you talk to him honestly about all this. Communication is key. He needs to know what you want from him (exclusivity? commitment? romance?) and you need to know what he really wants from you. If he is really a good friend, you should be able to sit down and have a straight heart-to-heart talk about what you both really want from each other, especially after so many years of friendship. Hope this helps! Good luck. Kiki