Holidays are Here! Time to Meet & Mingle


Every year I do a Blogtalk show on meeting people during the holidays.  This is the perfect time to get out and meet some folk.  Most of you like the holidays but not the crowds.  But really you should be going where the crowd is!  You want to be where the people are.  Where there are lots and lots of men, there will be at least a few that you will find attractive.  And of course there will be some that will find you attractive.  Black Friday?  YES!!!    Christmas shopping at the last minute?   YES!!!   But don’t go for the shopping, go with an eye on meeting some cute guys.  Grocery stores tomorrow will be packed.  Instead of avoiding it, go to the best market (Wegman’s or Whole Foods are great) and hang around for a while, chatting with those in line with you.  Make sure you make eye contact and smile!

The restaurants in shopping areas on Black Friday will be packed, as all those shoppers seek to fuel their stomachs for more shopping sprees.  Make sure you head over there!  Be at the bar area of one of the restaurants by the Mall or town center and mingle.  Instead of staying in the house, go be with the crowd for a couple of hours.  You never know who you are going to meet!

Listen to more Holiday Tips, including meeting others while traveling  HERE


Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Finding the RIGHT One

couple with man giving woman jacketI was telling you last week about the time I was ‘playing the fool’ chasing after my crush.  This was many years ago.  I was seriously chasing this guy.  Let’s pick up where I left off.

We shared the book.  I called him several times and even asked him out to events.  He said no.  But I kept trying.  Nothing he said seemed to deter me.  Even the little voice in my own head that said, “STOP!  LEAVE HIM ALONE!” was totally ignored.  It was like I was a glutton for punishment.  He was clearly not interested in me.

Why did I do this?  I think I decided that he was just so handsome and so sexy and so smart that he HAD to be the one for me.  Nevermind what he wanted.  I was on autopilot.  I chased him for weeks.

And eventually I GOT him.  We started dating.  He finally, after weeks (maybe months, I can’t remember now) of me badgering him, seemed to want to know more about me and invited me out on a date.  We went on several dates.  And I was on cloud 9!  Well, partially.  There was a part of me that was realizing that we were not very compatible.  We did not share the same faith (which I said was important to me at the time but was ignoring because he was so cute), we did not share the same political beliefs (which was not as important but did cause several uncomfortable ‘debates’) and we didn’t even value the same things.  Not a good fit, obviously.  But instead of realizing that and moving on, I was STILL trying to make things work.  I wanted it to work because I was more attracted to him than I’d ever been to anyone in my life.

Since he was now interested in me, I kept going.  Then I discovered that he had been previously interested in another woman at the book club.  I found this out when I mentioned to someone in the club that he and I had gone out on a few dates.  The person was like, “Really?  I thought he liked  Melanie.  He was pursuing her like crazy last year but I think she wasn’t interested.”

Of course that threw me for a loop.  He had ‘pursued like crazy’ this woman (who I had met) and who was in our club.  And since I was the one that had done all the pursuing, I was definitely immediately wondering what Melanie had that I didn’t and why he had obviously and unashamedly pursued her for all to see (apparently everyone in the club knew he had the hots for her!).  I remember I was like, “Do you still like her?” and wondering if he was still into her even though we had started going out regularly at that point.  He did assure me that she was in the past and that now he was into me, but whenever we were around HER I was watching like a hawk, of course.

Don’t play the FOOL!  It eventually did not work out because I was really insecure about the relationship, felt like I was more in it than he was, and we were not even compatible in some major ways, which I had overlooked because I was so attracted to him.

I said all this to say that when you really find love, it is not going to feel like WORK to you as the woman.  The man should be doing all the work (as he had done for Melanie, who didn’t give him the time of day).  When the man is into you, you will know because he will let you know.  Melanie had not done anything to get him to pursue her.   And here I was practically stalking him to get him to take interest.  And then I was insecure because I knew I had to MAKE him like me, when she didn’t have to do anything.  And deep down I wondered if he would leave me if she ever did become interested in him, since she was obviously the one he wanted from jump street.

Ladies, the best love is the love that is offered to you first.  With my husband, I could not get rid of him.  He made it clear that he was interested, he was persistent and never gave up on me (even when I wasn’t acting right).  The man should know that you are the one for him.  I think that sometimes we let strong attraction or physical chemistry cloud our judgement.  It is a mistake and I hope you will learn from mine and not pursue someone that is wrong for you just because you think he is FINE.

The right one for you will be a man (maybe one out of several) that is definitely interested in you first, reaches out to you to let you know of his interest (be it in person or online), and who doesn’t stop pursuing until you are his.

Learn more about dating topics to help you succeed and be married in two years or less at

Happy Dating!!!


Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Don’t Play the Fool!

Unfortunately for some of us ladies (I say myself too because I have been there and done that as well), we seem to play the fool at times.  If a man is interested in you, HE WILL LET YOU KNOW.   Don’t be a glutton for punishment.  If he has shown no interest in you, stop chasing him.  In fact, don’t chase ANY guy.  Men know how to pursue women – when they really want them.

Once I was really infatuated with a guy I met (well, actually I didn’t even meet him – I just SAW him and was smitten).   He was at a book club meeting with me, and the minute he walked through the front door, my insides just stood up and locked in on him.  I had never had such a physical reaction to a guy.  I thought he was gorgeous and sexy.

When he made a comment during the meeting, I was impressed with his intelligence.  That was a surprise because I had been thinking that a guy THAT cute was probably dumb.  Anyway, I didn’t officially meet him that night.  There was no introduction.  Not that I didn’t try.  I saw him go into the kitchen to get food, so I followed.  I casually (probably not so casually) said hello.  He didn’t even glance my way.  I don’t think he knew I was talking to him.  Later some of the group stayed around playing board games and I saw he was staying and considered trying to stay myself, but I think I had a ridden with someone and had to go.  Bummer!

I thought about him that night and all next day.  Then I had a brilliant idea!  I realized that since we were in the same book club, he must be on the book club email list.  I only knew his first name but yes! I was able to pick his name out of the email list.  Now I had his name!  Woo hoo!

I thought about what I could do to get in touch with him.  I came up with another brilliant idea.  I could ask him to share the book with me.

So I sent him an email saying we were in the club together and asking if he had already gotten the book.  If so, was he willing to share it with me and split the cost?  (Mind you the book was probably like $10 so he probably thought I was crazy.  And I was!)

So you all can probably see where this is going and how it is going to end.  Not well!

He actually was nice and agreed to share the book with me.  I tried to set up a time to meet up with him get it from him but he suggested he just mail it to me.

Mail?  I was disappointed, of course.

And that is pretty much how things continued to go from there for a long while.  I would actually call him up and try to chat with him like he was a friend.   He was polite, but not too friendly.  He didn’t know me from Eve and obviously was not interested.  Did that stop me?  No!

I even got up the nerve to ask him to join me at an artist reception (I thought he would be interested in something like that).  He politely declined.  That really should have been my clue.  Well, not really – I should have gotten a clue day one!

But I still kept trying.  I remember hanging up after one phone conversation with him and breaking down in tears.  I could totally tell that he was losing his patience with my stalking him and it hurt.

Why was I playing the fool?  Why didn’t I know back then that men pursue YOU if they are interested?  You do not have to stalk them.  You do not have to come up with ways to be near them when they like you.

There is more, but I will share it another day.

Just take heed.  If you are currently trying to make something happen with a guy – DON’T!  Just LET IT GO.  STOP!  Now.

Don’t continue to play the fool.

Read more in my ebook, HOW DIVAS DATE, which I wrote long after this experience!  I even have a chapter called “Divas Don’t Pursue Men.”  This ebook is available in my web store.

More soon!

And it’s the same with online dating.  Join me on Thursday, November 12 at my office for a FREE seminar on Success at Online Dating and how to make it finally work for you!  6:30PM.   CLICK HERE for more info.

Happy Dating.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Don’t eliminate guys too soon!

So you went out with a guy once.  Maybe twice.  And you are thinking, “Meh…nothing much going on here.  I think I will let him know I am not interested in pursuing anything but a friendship.”


I see women eliminating guys from their ‘lineup’ way to soon.  You don’t even know him really yet, but you have already decided he just can’t be The One?  Based on what?  Not feeling sparks?  No fireworks?  Something he didn’t do?

Men don’t date the way that we do.  They will date multiple women at the same time (nothing wrong with that) and not drop ANY OF THEM until they decide they want to see one exclusively.  But for some reason, we women think that if we are not head-over-heels in love with him by date two, we have to stop seeing him.

“But I don’t want to lead him on,” you say.

Accepting another date is not leading him on.  He is not in love with you.  He hasn’t declared his undying devotion to you because he has asked for another date.  He is just giving it a try.  He is still seeing what else is out there.  He may be seeing five other ladies, too.   Don’t think you are the only one that he is seeing (unless of course he has told you this and confessed his undying love!).  Dating is casual and you do not have to stop seeing him because you are getting an inkling that you are not ready to swoon yet.

If you are enjoying his company and having a good time with him, keep going out with him!

I say this because I know for myself that I almost missed out on my own love.  I wasn’t feeling fireworks in the beginning, and I told one of my girlfriends that the first date was going to be the last.  Fortunately for me I changed my mind.  I was having fun so I did not stop.

Then I fell for him after I got to know him a lot better.  He was persistent, and that helped, too.

So ladies, stop only giving a guy one or two dates.  Make it at least THREE if you don’t see any red flags and are enjoying his company.  Stop looking for signs that you could marry him or that he could be The One.  Just think about how you feel when you are with him, how he is treating you and whether or not you are having fun.

If so, and if he asks for another date – GO!

Stop talking yourself out of a relationship.  Stop sabotaging yourself.  Ride it out.   You don’t have to know TODAY if you could marry him.  Just keep getting to know him for now.

We will talk about this more at my DC DATING SUMMIT when Tariiq Omari Walton joins us to talk about his book, It’s Just a Damn Date!

Join us in January for the DC DATING SUMMIT!  Details coming soon.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

When there is no 2nd Date


As a dating coach I meet with singles at every stage of their love lives.  Some are not dating at all.  Some have gone on a few dates here and there.  Others may be actively dating someone and have questions about how to make sure it continues to go well with that person.  All of these are great reasons to meet with a dating coach.

Inevitably I get a question about why there was only one date.  Many women have asked me how long they should continue talking/texting with a guy who did not ask them out again after their first date.

There is a simple answer to that one.  If you met a guy (doesn’t matter if it was online or in person) and he asked you out, and you met up for the date, and after that date all you are receiving from him are texts or emails with no mention of another date, he is not that interested.  When a man likes you, he will try to SEE you again, not just talk or text.

But why don’t they just leave you alone after the first date, then, if they are not interested?

There could be a variety of reasons.  Maybe they like having women to email/text.  Maybe they try to keep the door open for sex or for friendship, even though they do not want to date you.  Who knows?  But if they went out with you once and then don’t ask you out again, even if they are sending regular texts like, “Good morning, Beautiful!  How is your day going?” they are not that interested.

Maybe you even went on TWO or THREE dates with him and thought things were going well.  But then he didn’t ask you out again.  He just sometimes emails or texts.  Same reason – he thought he might like you but ultimately decided maybe not so much.

But having said that, it doesn’t mean that you get upset and cut him off.  If he is still texting you, text back.  Keep it friendly.  It is good to have friends of the opposite sex.  If you are going to be friends, that is fine.  Just keep it friendly.  He doesn’t see you as a ‘starter,’ you are just on the ‘bench’ and that is OK.  You probably have your own bench and starters.  That is fine.

Manage your expectations.  If a man is texting and calling sometimes, be open to his attention but don’t expect a lot.  Keep seeing others, keep looking for your Mr. Right – the one that will make you the franchise quarterback of his team, not just a bench warmer.  And remember, there is nothing that you have to DO to make him choose you.  So no sleeping with him, calling him a lot, no letting him know you’d like him to call you more, nothing like that.  When he is in to you, he is in to you.  You won’t have had to MAKE him in to you.

Just relax and meet others and don’t put your eggs in one basket.

And come see me if you have other questions.

Join us for “Dating in Your 30’s” on October 26 at my office on K Street NW DC.  Check out my website for more information.

Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
As Seen In EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

‘Settling’ is not a dirty word

At my ‘Dating in Your 40’s” seminar last night I mentioned a book called Marry Him…The Case for Settling for Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb.

Here is the description of the book:

marry him book

The controversial national bestseller!

Nearly forty and single, Lori Gottlieb faced the unthinkable: she’d wasted her best years chasing an elusive Prince Charming who might not even exist. Meanwhile, her friends who’d “settled” for Mr. Good Enough ended up married to excellent husbands and fathers.  This is an eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships and a wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

One of the thing this book points out is how in your 20’s and early 30’s you date and you aren’t that serious and you think that there will always be someone better to come along.

And since you have plenty of prospects, you think you will always have plenty of prospects.

But, the book points out, now you are in your 40’s and while you are still holding out for the 10 that you think you deserve (because you were a 10 in your 20’s, right?), you haven’t quite realized that you are no longer a 10 in men’s eyes.  In fact, you may have dropped down to a 7, without realizing it.

So don’t turn up your nose at the 7s and 6s that approach you.  If no 10s are approaching, you may need to realize that 7s are your best option and pick one of them.

Some of you are offended that I called you a 7 because you believe you are a 10 and you believe that ALL women are 10s.

Well, let’s look at it like this… The Rock is a 10.  Shemar Moore and Michael Ealy and Morris Chestnut are the 10s that we all want to date.

But are the Michael Ealys of the world asking you out?

If you are only getting the Anthony Andersons or Don Cheadles of the world approaching you, then you need to recognize that is who is attracted to you.  Dating an Anthony Anderson is OK and may lead to a happy, fulfilling marriage.   I think Don Cheadle is pretty hot these days.  He may not look like Michael Ealy, but…so what?

In fact, who said that marrying The Rock or Shemar Moore would lead to happiness?

Maybe you would really be “settling” if you married a sought-after pretty boy who was gorgeous, but may not be faithful, attentive nor a great father.  Be careful that settling in your mind is not about looks.

If a man has the qualities that you are looking for, and you marry him, you are not settling.

But even if others do feel like you settled, so what?

Settling is not a dirty word.

It is being realistic and giving up the fantasy that the Perfect Guy is going to come along.  Saw that movie this weekend and it didn’t end pretty!

One of the ladies at the seminar last night mentioned she feels like some of her friends have settled to get married.

Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t.  Maybe they didn’t marry their fantasy guy.  But maybe they married a guy that was close enough.  And how about this thought – maybe they were not their spouse’s fantasy either.

We women don’t realize that men ‘settle’ every day.  They may have wanted Halle Berry or a Gabrielle Union look-alike.  Is that you?  Probably not.  But men realize 1) that if they are attracted to you, 2) if you aren’t crazy, 3) if you are somewhat a nice person and fun to be with, they are willing to give it a try.  You may make a great wife and mother.  Even if you don’t have a six pack or a butt like Serena Williams.

We should be the same way.  Don’t be so quick to dismiss a guy because he is not Morris Chestnut.  Give him a chance.  See what he is about.

You just may realize that you aren’t settling at all.  You may have a real keeper.

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Are You a Gold Digger for Wanting a Man with Money?

gold digger

Are You a Gold Digger because you want a man with money?

I have heard people (men mainly) throw around the term ‘gold digger’ for women who are interested in the financial status of the men they date.  What do you think about the term?  Who would you describe as a gold digger?

Here is what it says in the dictionary –

Webster says:  : a woman who becomes or tries to become romantically involved with a rich man in order to get money and gifts from him

Informal – a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.

From urban dictionary:  Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits.  A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man.   The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boytoy.

So, is a woman that has her own money but only wants to date a man who has more money than she does a gold digger?


As a dating coach, I meet with singles about their love lives.  They tell me what they are looking for, what they need and want, and how things are going.   Many of you ladies tell me that you would love it if a man makes at least as much as you do (and you are making a LOT!).   Some of you want him to make more than you do.   There is nothing wrong with this.

It is ALSO OK if you do not make a lot of money but want to date and marry someone that makes MORE than you do.  That is not gold digging.

I believe that to be a gold digger, you must be trading or attempting to trade favors for monetary or material gain.  That means that you are with a guy who can provide ‘benefits’ for you or pay for things for you when you don’t really like him.  If you really do like him and not just with him for money, you are not a gold digger.

You are not a gold digger just because you go on dates with men and let them pay.  That is just silly.  (I had a woman tell me she never lets a man pay because one guy told her that women who go out with men and let them pay are just gold diggers.  Hogwash!).  A man should pay for your date, if he has invited you out on the date.  (And don’t worry, men who have money are not bothered by paying for your dates.  It is usually the broke men who want to call women gold diggers and derogatory names, when they don’t have any gold to dig anyway!).  Now if you expect the man that you date to pay your bills, rent/mortgage or car note, that is something else entirely.  Or if you think you are going to LIVE off the man you marry, despite what he wants, you may need to check your mindset.   (If he wants you to be a stay-at-home wife and you want to, that is fine!)

Don’t let anyone try to make you feel bad for having financial standards in dating.  If you make six figures and only want to date men who make six figures, that is your preference.  It may narrow your pool a lot, but if you are fine with that, fine.  If you make $40,000 per year and want to date men that make six figures, that is OK too, but keep in mind that they may want a woman that is similar to them is education, background and lifestyle.  You may not be what they are looking for.  But if you are, great!

Divas don’t play the gold digger role.  I talk about this is my e-book, How Divas Date.  A diva has her own finances and can support herself, usually very well.  But on the other hand, I also have a podcast series called “Meeting a Man of Means” that I offer in my web store for women that are looking for a man of status and wealth as a partner/husband.  Know what you want/need and stand by your decision, unapologetically.  And don’t let the term ‘gold digger’ phase you if it really doesn’t apply.

What do you think?  When is a woman a gold digger?  And are men ever gold diggers, too?  Comment here.

Happy Dating!

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach