As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Wendy*
Hi I saw an article online that you had written, 5 reasons he won’t commit in YourTango.com. I’ve been seeing this guy for 5 months and he still won’t make it official.. I’ve brought it up several times and we end up fighting. Last time I brought it up he said it was me, that since I didn’t give him head he couldn’t see me being his girlfriend. It’s not a big deal to me so I said I would etc… Then I asked again same convo and he said what’s it going to change? I ended up breaking it off and he texted me a few hours later saying how he cares about me etc. Still nothing… I don’t know what to do, I really like him, more than any other guy I’ve ever been with. He treats me like We are together.. We hang out 3-4 times a week. We go on dates, go to the beach, took me on a great outing for my birthday. I’m confused and I don’t know if I should continue giving him time or leave for good.. Some background.. He won’t do sleep overs (I’m 24 and he is 28) even though we live 2 min down the road from each other. We don’t talk on the phone, and I’m the one who has to ask to hang out.. He says he likes to feel loved… Ugh, I would really like some professional answers and not from friends and family… Thank you!!
There was a similar question a few weeks ago from a woman who said that she felt like she was in a relationship but the man she was seeing kept saying they were not. And guess what? They were not. If a man says you are not his girlfriend, believe him.
The dynamics are all wrong in your relationship. It sounds like you have been doing the pursuing. You said you are the one that asks to hang out with him. He doesn’t even sound very interested in you. Yes, when you are together, he is fun and you enjoy yourself. But he doesn’t call you or ask you out or want to stay over.
Women tend to think that if a man has a good time with her and likes having sex with her, he is considering her for a real relationship. No! He wants nothing more than to have sex and spend a little time with you…that is all. If he said he can’t see you as his girlfriend or doesn’t want to talk about it, that is your answer. You are wasting your time with him. Cut him off. Unless he comes back to you ready to commit, there is no reason to continue with him.
It is a hard truth to take, but you must or you will keep wasting your time on him instead of finding the man that does want to commit to you and you only.
Let me know if you need to do a phone session, which is available on my website at www.kikistrickland.com. Good luck!