As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Gigi*
Hi there! I read your article about the five reasons a guy won’t commit in YourTango – http://www.yourtango.com/experts/matchmaker-kiki-strickland/five-reasons-why-he-won-t-commit –and I’m wondering what advice you have if I’m in a #4 and also it’s pretty confusing and I love him but not sure what to do. I feel like i am in #2 or #5 but we talk about it a lot and get into arguments how it’s our behavior and personalities that clash but hard to let go of each other bc the desire to want to be with one another is still there. He says we started wrong and won’t admit it’s his insecurities but I see a point still so very confused. Any advice would be much appreciated. Feeling Stuck for like over a year.
Thanks for the question. If you want a committed relationship but he is not giving you one, why are you staying with him? Regardless of the reason why, you are not getting what you want. So why stay?
It really doesn’t matter if you are a #2 or 3 or 5 in the article I wrote – the bottom line is that this is not working for you. Women stay because they have gotten too attached to the guy to leave. The ironic thing is that leaving is the only thing that is going to make it work – IF it is going to work. He must know you can walk away from him. He values you if you can walk away. It means you value yourself more than you do him, and that is a turn on to men. They want someone that doesn’t NEED to be with them. They want a woman that values herself too much to be treated badly or to stay when she is not getting what she wants. It is called confidence, self-esteem and knowing your worth.
You deserve more and you should demand it. Walk away if he is not willing to give it.
It is not your job to figure out how to make it work – that’s his job. Let him do it when he realizes he no longer will have you.
Hope this helps. Contact me for a consultation at kikistrickland.com/the-program
So many women I meet have become discouraged about love and finding the right man. They see couples and think, “What about me? Why hasn’t it happened for me?” And since yesterday was Valentine’s Day – the biggest, in-your-face LOVE day for couples ever, you may have felt this way yourself in the last 48 hours.
Thousands of couples just got engaged. Millions of couples celebrated their love with chocolates, cards, gifts and dinners out yesterday.
But what about you?
Why hasn’t it happened for you? Why aren’t you in a happy, healthy relationship with the opposite sex?
There could be many reasons. But this post isn’t about the WHY.
It’s about what you are going to do NOW.
I recorded my “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland” Blogtalk show yesterday on dating Q&A (LISTEN HERE) and one of the questions was “How can I make sure I am not in the same place again next year?”
I talked about some things that you can do. But the main thing you need is FAITH and a positive outlook on love and relationships. You must BELIEVE that there is someone out there for you. You must believe that love and marriage ARE for you. EXPECT to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Expect to meet great guys that will be interested in pursuing a dating relationship with you. Optimism is your friend! Leave negativity and pessimism behind. You must go forward with CONFIDENCE that you WILL meet him.
He is out there looking for you!
Once you start out with this positive outlook, the rest of the steps will come a lot easier.
And for the rest of the steps (and there are many), work with me in my Married in 2 Years or Less Program. Click HERE for more information about the Program.
“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach
p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006
As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names* to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Jen*
Hi there ma’am. I’m Jen, 18yrs old from Philippines. I have read some of your articles while I was browsing in google. Like, how to get over his past. It was really a big help for me. It helped me to overcome my insecurities with his ex girlfriend. Thank you for that. Since before having relationship with him, I promise to myself that I want to be the right girlfriend for him. But eventually, I’m really getting worse and worse. I’m becoming possessive and it’s really hard for me to cure it. I always want to prove him that I can change my possessiveness to be a more loving girlfriend, but I always fail. I really need someone to give me advise. I do really love him, and I dont want to lose him.
Whenever, he’s talking to other girls, like his classmates, schoolmates, or friends, i always feel like i want to punch those girls in the face. I know it’s really mean to do. I think i also have problem with self-esteem. Sometimes we even argue because of small things, or I even start fight with non sense things. Please help me. I want to be a better girlfriend for him.
Kiki: Hi Jen! Thanks for the email. Yes, it does sound like it is your own insecurity that is getting in your way of a good relationship. If you have no reason to suspect him of cheating or doing anything wrong with these women, be confident that he has chosen YOU as his girlfriend and allow him the space to have friendships with others. It is a hard thing to do when you fear someone else can take him away from you. But since that has not happened, it is unfounded and just a distraction to keep you from being happy. Don’t let it!
I think you should also talk to someone about your jealousy issues. You should not want to fight a woman just because she is talking to your guy. There is a self-esteem issue, just like you suspected, and you can get help for that from a therapist or counselor. Why are you insecure? Why is your self-esteem low? There are reasons and you must address those in order to begin to see your own self-worth and become more confident in who you are and your ability to attract and keep a good man. You are only 18 – you have plenty of time to work on yourself and your confidence. We can do a few sessions together to start heading you in the right direction. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more info.