Ask Kiki – He doesn’t want anyone to know I’m his girlfriend…

Dear Kiki,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now but it is starting to bother me that no one else on his side knows about us.  All my friends know I have a man but they have never met him.  He doesn’t want to come to anything public.  He doesn’t even want any photos of us on Facebook.  Should I be bothered by this?  I feel like he loves me and when we are together everything is great, so maybe I should just be happy, right?


Hi Amelia,

What is his reason for this?  Does he know that this is bothering you?  Those are the two questions that need to be answered.  You did not mention his reasoning behind your relationship really being somewhat of a secret.  Is he unsure where the relationship is going?  Are you even sure that the two of you are really in an exclusive, committed relationship?

Is he really private in general?   Does he not post anything at all to Facebook?

I can’t really speak to his actions specifically but I will say that in general when a man is happy and feeling in love, he does let other people know.  He is not ‘hiding’ the relationship or pretending you two aren’t together.  Most guys know that it makes us happy to post pics (they really don’t care about all that public stuff themselves and wouldn’t even take photos if not for us).  They know that we females like to attend events together and have our guy meet our friends.

When a guy is serious about a woman he usually wants her to meet the important people in his life.  But that doesn’t mean it happens right away.  Since it has been a year, though, I would question how serious he is about you.  He has been dating you a year and no one he hangs out with knows you?  Let him know that you feel like it is time to meet some of his family and friends.  I am assuming he has family and friends, because if not, there may be an even bigger problem.

If he is more of a loner, doesn’t really have friends and is not close to his family, that is a different story.  But you two still must have a conversation about this.  You do not want to be in a “relationship” with someone that may not be comfortable enough with it to share it with others.

Hope this helps!

If you want to be on the path to marriage in two years or less, join my Married in 2 Years or Less Program.  Details are at

Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

As featured in EBONY Magazine

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