I recently heard a woman say, “I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life than to be someone’s THIRD wife!” She had just met a man that told her he has been divorced twice.
Be careful with statements like these. It probably stems from your need for everything to be perfect, movie-like or fairy tale-like. The reality is your future husband MAY have been married before. And that is OK.
It is not a red flag that he has been married before. The REASON that it did not work out, however, could be a red flag.
People get divorced. Sometimes the fault is on one of them. Sometimes it is both of them.
People learn from their mistakes. Some men are BETTER husbands because they know exactly what they did wrong in their previous marriage.
You can have a preference on wanting someone who hasn’t been married before. But I recommend never ruling out an entire category of people by saying “I will NEVER date” so and so. Not wise.
You don’t know the package that your mate will come in. You also do not know what he will have endured, gone through, suffered or overcome. But he will be a great fit for you NOW, despite his past. So give him a chance and don’t prejudge anyone. Find out more before you decide anything.
That is all I am asking. Ask the questions and see what you learn before you decide.
Check out this show I did a few years ago with a life coach that works with divorced men. LISTEN HERE
And don’t forget, you are also not perfect. Your guy will have to put up with and deal with your former mistakes, issues and areas. But hopefully you have grown and matured from your past. Give him the same courtesy.
Isn’t it time for YOU to find LOVE? Join Kiki in her Married in 2 Years or Less Program. Visit http://www.kikistrickland.com/program for more information.
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As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Haley*:
Hi Kiki, This is very hard for me because I feel like my family is going to throw a fit when I tell them I want to break up with my boyfriend. They think he is The One for me. But I don’t. I would like to see other people but I know everyone, including him, my parents, my brother and the dog (LOL) is going to be upset with me. He is a nice guy and I understand that but I don’t love him. Everyone is hoping we will get married, except me. What should I do? Thanks.
Thank you for the question. I will get right to the point. Even though I recommend going out on a few dates with someone you are not initially attracted to see if any chemistry develops, I do not believe in continuing long-term with someone that you are not feeling.
Don’t marry him. If you are not feeling it, it does not matter what anyone else wants. Your parents, brother, dog, neighbor, etc. will not be the one in the marriage to him. It will be YOU and him. And if you are not down with this program, you need to let him know and stop wasting his time. If he is open to backing up and seeing other people, do it. But if he says it’s all or nothing, be prepared for your family to be confused and upset. But they will get over it.
Now if there really is nothing wrong with him and the problem is YOU, we need to talk. If you are always running from great guys and hooking with the guys who are NOT good for you, that is another story and we should work together to find out why you keep doing that and if you have some fears surrounding marriage/commitment. You could be sabotaging yourself, as many women do. That is what a dating coach is for – to help you navigate this thing called dating to get you to where you really want to ultimately be in your love life.
But if it is not you, move on from this guy. Good luck with finding the One you do want to marry. Keep me posted!
Do you want to be married in two years or less? Contact me today!
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