You’re CRAZY to Date Him #2

michel-le

This is the second installment of my new series, “You’re Crazy to Date Him!”  (Note, I am not calling any of you mentally unstable.  I am saying that it is temporary insanity to continue in this behavior).

Did you watch the new Lifetime movie on the life of Michel’le?  “Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel’le,” is the story of R&B singer Michel’le and her rise to fame.  I only was able to watch the first hour before having to go to an event, but what I saw had me boiling!

Why do we stay with a man who looks at us with hatred and hits us like we’re a man?

Even though I saw a family member go through something similar, I never understood it.  I saw her struggles and told myself at the tender age of 10 years old that no one would EVER treat me badly like that.  And no one ever has.

Michel’le stayed with Dre, and then went on to another relationship with Suge Knight that was also somewhat abusive.  Her own mother had a warped view of love and had told her when she was young that men hit because they love.  Young and confused about love, Michel’le said that she actually believed that the more he hit her, the more it meant he loved her.

That is a sad story!  Let me just make it clear:  that is hogwash!

You are CRAZY to stay with a man that puts his hands on you, hits you or hurts you in any way.  I know that sounds harsh and not politically correct to say.  But really, your self-esteem needs a major overhaul if you would allow that.  No one has the right to hit you.   You should not allow someone to hurt you.

The movie made me so mad.  I watched in horror at the abuse she suffered at the hands of her ‘boyfriend’ Dre.  There is something mentally wrong with a man that thinks it is OK to beat up a woman, especially one he is supposed to love.  He is definitely crazy, demented and more.  I think men who abuse need therapy AND jail time.  Assault charges can carry significant jail time in some cases.

What is Assault under Maryland Law?
Assault is the attempted touching of another person, without that person’s consent, and includes the act of placing someone in fear of an intentional touching. Battery is the unlawful and offensive touching of another person without that person’s consent.  Under Maryland law, an “Assault” encompasses the crimes of assault, battery, and assault and battery.  From www.maryland-defense-lawyer.com/assault/

Beating/hitting someone is a CRIME!  It is against the law.  A crime has been committed against you.

Michel’le said that based on what she saw and was taught growing up, when Dre beat her up for the first time, she was terrified and GRATEFUL because she thought it meant he really loved her.

I believe both people in an abusive relationship need to get counseling/therapy.  And those in their lives probably need to be a part of a support group for the abused and their families.

If the man you are seeing belittles you in any way, makes you feel less than, ridicules you, talks down to you or calls you names, or hits, pushes, kicks or in any way physically harms you, LEAVE HIM.  Immediately.  If you keep going back to or staying with someone who continues to beat you up, you are CONSENTING to being assaulted and abused.  You are telling the person it is OK to do that to you.  You must stand up for yourself.  Get help and leave!

Nor should you hit anyone.   If you are hitting a man, he is crazy to stay with YOU.  You both have issues and need counseling.

I think back to the whole Ray Rice story and his fiance being knocked out by him in the elevator that time.  And if that was an incident made public because of the elevator cameras, just think of all the incidents that they must have had that were not made public.  I do not believe these incidents are one-time events.  If a man hits you once, it very likely that it will continue unless you get help.

I believe they are still together and about to have a baby.

I hope they are both getting the help they need.

Ray and Janay Riceray-rice

To read more about the Michel’le story:

http://www.ibtimes.com/surviving-compton-exposes-michelles-abuse-dr-dre-relationship-suge-knight-16-things-2428963

Have you ever been afraid of a man you were dating?  Did you ever stay in a relationship that felt scary or unhealthy?  Has a man ever hit you or threatened to?  Leave your comments below if you want to share.

As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 
If you want to be married in the next two years, contact me today!
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You’re CRAZY to date him!

Check out the new series from Dating Coach Kiki Strickland called “You’re Crazy to date Him!”essence-com-photo
photo credit Essence.com
As a dating coach, I meet with women who are seeking to improve their love lives and finally meet the Right One, get engaged and start a family.  Over the years I have heard all kinds of stories.  One frequent story I hear from ladies looking for Mr. Right is that they have been wrapped up in a warped relationship with Mr. Wrong!
And sadly sometimes this relationship is with a MARRIED MAN.
They know this is wrong and that they should never have given him the time of day (unless they didn’t know that he was married initially, in which case they were fooled) but usually they are having a hard time ending the relationship with him.  In some cases they have been seeing him for YEARS.
And they realize on some level that being with him, or rather NOT being with him in the relationship that they want and need from a man, is one of the reasons that they have not been able to find the right man.
If there is any situation where you are crazy to keep seeing him, this is the one!
Here is what I say about you with married men:
– he had the nerve to give another woman YOUR ring and make a commitment to HER not you, then tries to come around you PART-TIME while giving her full-time love.
You are a secret
You get his leftovers
You don’t think highly enough of yourself to demand 1st place in a man’s heart
You have accepted second place
You believe in a man who has made lying a daily thing (to his family and to you.  Don’t think for a second that he is 100% honest with you about their relationship, he isn’t.)
Neither of you are being respected and cherished by him
You deserve better
To all the ladies that come to me caught up in a cycle with a taken man – whether he has a girlfriend or a fiance or a wife or he just won’t commit to you after all this time – I advise them to cut it off immediately.  The relationship has been a waste of precious time.
How can God bring you the gift he has for you when you are involved in the degradation of a marriage?  What room do you have for the man that is going to love and cherish you and commit to you when your heart is entangled with a cheater?  It does not end well.  End it now before it gets worse.
Once you set yourself FREE from that dead end relationship, you will come alive again, your spirit will soar, the blinders will be taken off and you will finally be on your way to true happiness with the RIGHT person.  Amen!
If you want to be married within the next two years, join me in my Married in 2 Years or Less Program at http://www.kikistrickland.com/the-program.
As featured in EBONY Magazine
Kiki Strickland

“Married in 2 Years or Less” Dating Coach

p: 202-718-7797 a: 1629 K St NW Suite 300 Washington, DC 20006

 

Why Matchmaking Alone Doesn’t Work

cupidDid you see the WJLA (ABC) News report last night?  The Cost of Cupid: Does expensive, customized matchmaking work?

The report profiled a company called DC Singles, saying the company charges $2500 for a certain number of matches but had complaining customers who felt they did not deliver on the matches.  One woman had paid for seven matches and felt that none of the men measured up to her standards.  Another woman paid for four matches (paid the same price for fewer matches – was race a factor?) and did like one guy.  But the report also pointed out that DC Singles appeared to be a local company when in fact it is a national company with local offices with a very low consumer satisfaction rating.

This doesn’t surprise me.  As a matchmaker and dating coach, I know that people think finding a singles company that will introduce them to their Prince Charming is all that they need.  They are willing to spend thousands of dollars on matches and go in with the misconception that they will be able to ‘order up’ the perfect match.  For example, most women are looking for a 6’4, slender, making over six figures man who looks like The Rock (Dewayne Johnson).

Unfortunately matchmaking does not work that way.  There are very few Dewayne Johnsons out there – and he probably doesn’t use a matchmaker.  The singles agency is only going to have those men and women that have signed up with their company, and possibly other sister companies that may work with them.  This can work – suitable matches can be found depending on the agency’s clientele.  But there is another reason why matchmaking alone does not work.

Singles think they are READY for a relationship and that they KNOW how to date, when often they are not and do not!  The reality is finding you a suitable match means nothing if you don’t know how to make a relationship work.  If you, as a single woman or man, have not dealt with your issues, developed your relationship skills, know how to communicate and compromise, know how to receive and give love – it doesn’t matter how many matches you get.

I became a dating coach because I realized after a while that only matching singles was not enough.  Even singles that LIKED their match and wanted to make the relationship work DID NOT KNOW HOW.  I would introduce them to a perfectly suitable and attractive person, the two would like each other, but a month or two later, they would be back in my office asking for another match.

“What happened?” I would ask, and the answer was always something trivial that turned into a communication problem or a miscommunication, a perceived slight, an argument, etc.  I realized that a lot of people are single because they really just do not know how to be a part of a couple or date successfully.

Dating coaching helps with this.  Coaching allows you to finally LEARN how to date, how to be in a relationship, how to SUCCEED in relationships.

Without this, matchmaking, speed dating, online dating and any other way you find matches, won’t work.

If you do not know what to do with the perfect match for you, how you found the match is irrelevant.

This is why I believe that matchmaking services should only come with dating coaching.  There is no point in trying to set someone up on a date if they do not know how to date and are not really ready for a relationship.  Coaching determines your readiness, your abilities and skills at dating and helps you be ready for the relationship and the One.

Without this, there is not much success.

Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and dating coach.  Check out her services, programs for single women, podcasts, blogtalk show and more at http://www.kikistrickland.com.

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
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Kiki Strickland
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
 
“Country’s Top Matchmaker!” – EBONY Magazine