As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Gigi*
Hi there! I read your article about the five reasons a guy won’t commit in YourTango – http://www.yourtango.com/experts/matchmaker-kiki-strickland/five-reasons-why-he-won-t-commit –and I’m wondering what advice you have if I’m in a #4 and also it’s pretty confusing and I love him but not sure what to do. I feel like i am in #2 or #5 but we talk about it a lot and get into arguments how it’s our behavior and personalities that clash but hard to let go of each other bc the desire to want to be with one another is still there. He says we started wrong and won’t admit it’s his insecurities but I see a point still so very confused. Any advice would be much appreciated. Feeling Stuck for like over a year.
Thanks for the question. If you want a committed relationship but he is not giving you one, why are you staying with him? Regardless of the reason why, you are not getting what you want. So why stay?
It really doesn’t matter if you are a #2 or 3 or 5 in the article I wrote – the bottom line is that this is not working for you. Women stay because they have gotten too attached to the guy to leave. The ironic thing is that leaving is the only thing that is going to make it work – IF it is going to work. He must know you can walk away from him. He values you if you can walk away. It means you value yourself more than you do him, and that is a turn on to men. They want someone that doesn’t NEED to be with them. They want a woman that values herself too much to be treated badly or to stay when she is not getting what she wants. It is called confidence, self-esteem and knowing your worth.
You deserve more and you should demand it. Walk away if he is not willing to give it.
It is not your job to figure out how to make it work – that’s his job. Let him do it when he realizes he no longer will have you.
Hope this helps. Contact me for a consultation at kikistrickland.com/the-program