As a dating coach I am often sent questions about specific love life situations that women are going through. I have decided to post some of those here in my blog because I realize that many of YOU are going through similar issues. I have changed the names* to protect the identities of the parties involved. Feel free to comment below if any of these situations resonate with you.
Question from Rochelle*
Hopefully you can give me the advise I need to do one of two things. I know what my heart wants and he cant give that to me. Here’s whats going on. I met a man on a dating website almost 7 months ago. About two months a go we introduced our children and have begun doing a few outings with the kids maybe every other weekend which to me is a big step. At the 5 month mark I brought up the idea of us being in a commited relationship and he laughed it off and said we’d talk about it later. Granted he is horrible at talking about his feelings I did tell him I would give him some time to think about what he wanted to say but that I was not going to completely forget about the topic. I let it go for a month and brought it up again. The answer I got was… Im just not ready and I dont know how to explain why. A month ago I found him on the same dating website I met him on. He told me his account was private and that he was only on it to message someone back, “he was being nice”. SO, I created a fake account and about an hour later he messaged the fake person who he didnt know was me all the way up until he asked her to meet him for drinks. I know that right there shouldve been a sign but I have put so much into this already to just emotionally back out of it. I have tried 2 times to walk away and he pulls me back both times. When he found out it was me he was talking to not the fake person i had put on the account he said sorry and didnt think it was a big deal becuase he was only talking to girls and “we arent together”. Every since then he’s deleted his accounts “because i asked him to” and I cant seem to trust him. We had the commitment talk again a few days ago and I got the same answer… im just not ready. I explained to him that we’re basically playing pretend. I’m at his place 5 nights a week sometimes more. We spend weekends together, he talks about moving in together but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now…we met on a dating website! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank you and God Bless.
Kiki: Hello Rochelle and thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about your dilemma! But he has already given you your answer, you just do not want to hear it. He told you point blank that he does not want a committed relationship with you. He even demonstrated it by still seeking to meet other women. So what is your question? If you are asking if you should continue to date someone that isn’t committed to you, my answer is no.
Unfortunately women think that if a man likes being around her and is having sex with her, he will eventually change his mind about commitment. The man usually does not. You are talking about moving in together but he is not committed to you and he has been clear on that. He thinks you are clear on that since he has told you this. If you want someone that wants you as a girlfriend and eventually a wife, I suggest moving on from him. Now!
I know that it is easier said than done, so if you need help moving on, I am here to help.
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