As a dating coach I meet with singles at every stage of their love lives. Some are not dating at all. Some have gone on a few dates here and there. Others may be actively dating someone and have questions about how to make sure it continues to go well with that person. All of these are great reasons to meet with a dating coach.
Inevitably I get a question about why there was only one date. Many women have asked me how long they should continue talking/texting with a guy who did not ask them out again after their first date.
There is a simple answer to that one. If you met a guy (doesn’t matter if it was online or in person) and he asked you out, and you met up for the date, and after that date all you are receiving from him are texts or emails with no mention of another date, he is not that interested. When a man likes you, he will try to SEE you again, not just talk or text.
But why don’t they just leave you alone after the first date, then, if they are not interested?
There could be a variety of reasons. Maybe they like having women to email/text. Maybe they try to keep the door open for sex or for friendship, even though they do not want to date you. Who knows? But if they went out with you once and then don’t ask you out again, even if they are sending regular texts like, “Good morning, Beautiful! How is your day going?” they are not that interested.
Maybe you even went on TWO or THREE dates with him and thought things were going well. But then he didn’t ask you out again. He just sometimes emails or texts. Same reason – he thought he might like you but ultimately decided maybe not so much.
But having said that, it doesn’t mean that you get upset and cut him off. If he is still texting you, text back. Keep it friendly. It is good to have friends of the opposite sex. If you are going to be friends, that is fine. Just keep it friendly. He doesn’t see you as a ‘starter,’ you are just on the ‘bench’ and that is OK. You probably have your own bench and starters. That is fine.
Manage your expectations. If a man is texting and calling sometimes, be open to his attention but don’t expect a lot. Keep seeing others, keep looking for your Mr. Right – the one that will make you the franchise quarterback of his team, not just a bench warmer. And remember, there is nothing that you have to DO to make him choose you. So no sleeping with him, calling him a lot, no letting him know you’d like him to call you more, nothing like that. When he is in to you, he is in to you. You won’t have had to MAKE him in to you.
Just relax and meet others and don’t put your eggs in one basket.
And come see me if you have other questions.
Join us for “Dating in Your 30’s” on October 26 at my office on K Street NW DC. Check out my website for more information.