Did you see the WJLA (ABC) News report last night? The Cost of Cupid: Does expensive, customized matchmaking work?
The report profiled a company called DC Singles, saying the company charges $2500 for a certain number of matches but had complaining customers who felt they did not deliver on the matches. One woman had paid for seven matches and felt that none of the men measured up to her standards. Another woman paid for four matches (paid the same price for fewer matches – was race a factor?) and did like one guy. But the report also pointed out that DC Singles appeared to be a local company when in fact it is a national company with local offices with a very low consumer satisfaction rating.
This doesn’t surprise me. As a matchmaker and dating coach, I know that people think finding a singles company that will introduce them to their Prince Charming is all that they need. They are willing to spend thousands of dollars on matches and go in with the misconception that they will be able to ‘order up’ the perfect match. For example, most women are looking for a 6’4, slender, making over six figures man who looks like The Rock (Dewayne Johnson).
Unfortunately matchmaking does not work that way. There are very few Dewayne Johnsons out there – and he probably doesn’t use a matchmaker. The singles agency is only going to have those men and women that have signed up with their company, and possibly other sister companies that may work with them. This can work – suitable matches can be found depending on the agency’s clientele. But there is another reason why matchmaking alone does not work.
Singles think they are READY for a relationship and that they KNOW how to date, when often they are not and do not! The reality is finding you a suitable match means nothing if you don’t know how to make a relationship work. If you, as a single woman or man, have not dealt with your issues, developed your relationship skills, know how to communicate and compromise, know how to receive and give love – it doesn’t matter how many matches you get.
I became a dating coach because I realized after a while that only matching singles was not enough. Even singles that LIKED their match and wanted to make the relationship work DID NOT KNOW HOW. I would introduce them to a perfectly suitable and attractive person, the two would like each other, but a month or two later, they would be back in my office asking for another match.
“What happened?” I would ask, and the answer was always something trivial that turned into a communication problem or a miscommunication, a perceived slight, an argument, etc. I realized that a lot of people are single because they really just do not know how to be a part of a couple or date successfully.
Dating coaching helps with this. Coaching allows you to finally LEARN how to date, how to be in a relationship, how to SUCCEED in relationships.
Without this, matchmaking, speed dating, online dating and any other way you find matches, won’t work.
If you do not know what to do with the perfect match for you, how you found the match is irrelevant.
This is why I believe that matchmaking services should only come with dating coaching. There is no point in trying to set someone up on a date if they do not know how to date and are not really ready for a relationship. Coaching determines your readiness, your abilities and skills at dating and helps you be ready for the relationship and the One.
Without this, there is not much success.
Kiki Strickland is a matchmaker and dating coach. Check out her services, programs for single women, podcasts, blogtalk show and more at http://www.kikistrickland.com.