“I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
It is a LIE, ladies.
A prospective client told me just yesterday that a man she had been seeing for several months, who said in the beginning that he wanted a relationship, a committed relationship, ended up telling her that he did not want anything serious right now.
It took me back to 2006 when I started my matchmaking agency.
A gentleman came to me, told me how he was getting older (36), owned his own business, was set in his career and was now looking to settle down. He paid me a hefty sum to find his Ms. Right.
Here is what happened with the first woman I set him up with.
She called me the day after their meeting upset because he told her he was not looking for a committed relationship.
Back then (in 2006) I was a little baffled. Why would he come to me, pay me and then tell a match the opposite of what he told me?
I set him up with another match. Again, she came back saying he was just looking for friendship.
But here is what happened, ladies.
The third woman I set him up with was The One.
He called me the same night of their date, excited, and said, “You hit the NAIL on the head this time. She is perfect!”
They became exclusive after four dates and in six months they were looking at rings.
He WAS looking for a relationship. When he met the other ladies, he MEANT he didn’t want a relationship with THEM.
It is a hard pill to swallow. For whatever reason, a guy tells YOU that he is just casually dating, then you find out he is getting married to someone else.
It is simply because you were not the one for him.
Sometimes it happens later, after you get to know him better.
You’ve been dating him for a few months. Everything seems to be going well. Then his story changes. While he said he wanted exclusivity and marriage on your first date (in general, of course – not with you) he is now backtracking and saying he isn’t ready for something serious. Or he needs time to work something out. Or he is suddenly too busy. Or he just disappears.
But believe me, he IS looking for a relationship. He has just decided that you are not it. It may have taken him a few months to figure it out, but he has now decided YOU…ARE…NOT…IT.
Why doesn’t he just come out and say you are not the One?
No one wants to intentionally hurt another person’s feelings. You know that. You’ve been there. You went out with a guy then didn’t return the guy’s calls. Or you feigned sickness. Or you said you would be out of town for a while. Or that you just wanted to be friends. You didn’t really care about being his friend. You just didn’t know how to tell him you were taking him off the date list.
Men don’t know how to tell you that you are not the One. And really you don’t want them to.
What if he was honest and said, “I thought you were cool a month ago, but now you are getting on my nerves.”?
“I found you attractive when we met, but I just don’t care for your personality.”?
We feel somewhat better when he says it is really him not us, even though we are still hurt and confused.
So don’t bother asking if it was something you did. It probably WAS something you did or said but he would never admit it. Be honest – you didn’t tell that last guy that because he didn’t pick up the check, it turned you off. You just didn’t return his calls.
Always be aware that at any time either of you can decide it is just not working for you and pull out. But don’t expect the TRUTH about why.
Men will lie.
But so do we.
Here is my latest Blogtalk show – Want to STEP UP YOUR DATING GAME? LISTEN HERE!