You’ve been seeing a guy you really like for a while.
You’ve had amazing dates. Deep talks. Passionate kisses. Lazy mornings in bed together where nothing in the world seemed to matter but the two of you.
Could he be “the one?” You wonder… He certainly seems like husband material.
Still there’s one thing that’s bugging you…
You haven’t actually defined the relationship. Is he your boyfriend? Are you exclusive?
But I say, back up! If you do not know where you stand, WHY are you spending lazy mornings in bed together? Why are you in his BED at all?
That was mistake #1! If you are NOT his exclusive girlfriend, don’t sleep with him!
I think many of you are messing up by having sex with men that are not committed to you, not in a relationship with you, may not even really LIKE you. You are just their in-between girl. And you sort of know this. You know they have not mentioned exclusivity or what you are to them (Friend? Friend with benefits? Possible girlfriend?) but for some reason you actually think having sex with him may put you in the driver’s seat. It doesn’t! It is just the opposite. Now you are MORE attached to him. And he is LESS attached to you.
After you have sex with him, you may notice he is calling you even less than before. Or things get hot and heavy (heavier) for a few weeks, then totally stop! He is gone. Or he now just comes by when he wants sex. Either way, you are feeling even more confused about what you are to him. You are more confused and hurt than when you were not sleeping with him yet.
Last Sunday at Zion Church, the pastor did an excellent message on “Your Purpose or Your Sexual Pleasure?” Listen here. He talked about how many men and women have not been able to control this area of their lives (sex) and how it has taken them off of their purpose in life. He was talking about your calling in life and God’s purpose for you. But even in the dating sense – if YOUR purpose and desire is to be married, don’t get sexually involved with someone that isn’t making it clear that they are headed that way with you.
Some of you are thinking that is IMPOSSIBLE to do, that men want sex early and often and won’t stick around if they aren’t getting it. I think it is sad that you believe that. Either you are dating the wrong type of men, or you really don’t believe that you are worth waiting for. You don’t value your body or your ability to keep a man interested in you WITHOUT sex.
We will be talking about mindset issues and inner beliefs at my Mindset Master Class on Dating in November (details coming). This is for the serious woman who is ready to start doing the inner work to finally find real love.
In the meantime, if you are sleeping with a man that is NOT your verbally-declared committed boyfriend, STOP. You slept with the last guy and how did that work out for you? Just saying…
Here are events coming up with Kiki:
Meeting Mr. Right in 3-Days – teleseminar – 9AM on Saturday, October 11, 2014
Romance at Any Age with Dr. Diane Kern – October 21 at DC’s Woodbridge Interim Library