I meet a lot of women who want MORE in their love lives. Some are already in a relationship but aren’t happy. I’m always surprised when a woman tells me she has been in a relationship with the same guy for several YEARS.
“Don’t you want to get married?” I ask.
“Yes!” they usually say.
“So WHY are you still dating him?”
I get a variety of surface answers but the true answer usually comes down to this – she is afraid to walk away.
Now she may say that it is because she loves him or because she has already invested so much time in the relationship or because he always comes back when she tries to break it off or because he needs her…etc. But the truth usually is she is stuck. She wants marriage but he won’t marry her; she wants out but emotionally cannot break away from him.
He hasn’t proposed to you in five years?
That is nonsense!
There is an easier way to avoid this type of relationship.
It still may hurt (a lot) to break it off, but this way will save you YEARS of hurt.
- Do not continue being exclusive if after a year of dating him if there is no talk at all of marriage.
- If there is some talk of marriage, date him for two years, but no longer than that without a ring.
- If the two year mark hits and the ring has not come, tell him you think you should see other people since you’ve been dating for a couple of years without plans for a real future together.
- Also, never move in with a guy unless you have a ring. (I wouldn’t even do it then but I know some of you believe in living together. At least wait until you are engaged to him to be sure marriage is on the table).
After a year of dating you, believe me, the guy has a sense of whether or not he can marry you. He already knows the answer. He may not be ready, but he knows if it is something he wants with you.
If he is NOT sure about marriage with you after a year of dating you exclusively, definitely start seeing other people. You can still date him, but date others as well. If after TWO years he is not sure at all, end the relationship – you are wasting time.
If you are not in an exclusive relationship with him after a year of dating, forget about marrying him – he is just kicking it with you, not seriously.
But if you have been dating him in an exclusive, monogamous relationship for years but whenever you try to talk about marriage he avoids the topic, changes the subject, starts an argument, or breaks up with you for a while, he is telling you marriage is NOT in the cards for you and him.
ACCEPT THIS and move on.
And to avoid this heartache in the future, when you start dating another guy, tell him upfront (like before you even become exclusive with him) that you do not believe in dating the same person for YEARS. Mention you think people know after a year or two if they’ve found The One. Say you think dating should be one or two years tops before moving on or getting married. Then he will know upfront how much time he has before he has to step up.
On the flip side, I think talking about or believing there should be marriage talk inside of six months is pre-mature. You don’t even KNOW the person yet. It takes at least six months to really know someone and I would never recommend actually GETTING MARRIED to him/her before you have dated a complete year (all four seasons).
If you want to talk about your situation, contact me for a Love Life Chat!