Last week I interviewed a friend who is a RULES dating coach. Listen to the show on “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland” on blogtalk radio. It was interesting! I must say that when I read The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider back in the day, I was like, “Yeah, this is what I’m doing already!” I never called guys back, I didn’t pursue them, I was barely interested and I couldn’t get rid of them! I had plenty of dates and ‘guy friends’ hanging around. But that was because I really didn’t like those guys. When I met one that I thought was the best looking guy I’d ever met, I chased him like a dog runs after a car! It was terrible! That is when I really needed the Rules. Too bad I didn’t remember any of them while I went off the deep end trying my best to get him to like me. He even at one point insulted my faith/religion and while that was painful, I did not give up the dream and continued to stalk him.
I eventually got him and we dated a few months. Again, it was awful. It never felt right to me (the religion thing was a clear sign he wasn’t right for me), I was insecure about this other woman that he had pursued (she wouldn’t give him the time of day, ironically) and in the end he broke up with me when I pulled away without letting him know what was bothering me.
Having said all that as background, I’d like to share my opinion of The Rules now. I wrote a book called “How Divas Date” (available as an e-book on my website) in 2011 in which I give advice to women on how I think they can meet their Mr. Right and keep him. While some of the tips may sound a little bit like The Rules, I also recognize that there are MANY Rules that are totally wrong.
I teach flirting classes (check out our next Flirt Night DC on my website for our next one!) and I help women become more approachable, to make eye contact, to make casual conversation and be relaxed around men. This very hard for some women and they NEVER meet guys while out. We work on being friendly and getting more comfortable around the opposite sex. Well, one of the Rules is
Rule #2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance).
Rule #5: Don’t sit or stand next to a guy first or flirt with him first.
I think I’ve also read that you are not to look at men or initiate contact.
I do not agree with these. In fact, I met my own husband (we married in 2013) at a ski club meeting and I spoke to him first. I said, “Hello. Is this your first time here? I’ve never seen you before.”
I was just being friendly but to this day, he says I was flirting with him. LOL. I really wasn’t. I was just being friendly, but the rest is history. I did not pursue him by any means. In fact, I even declined his first few suggestions to hang out. But when a friend was having a brunch, I decided to invite him along. Again, I was not thinking ‘date.’ I didn’t even think that we would be more than friends after hanging out a few times, but now we are married. He was persistent. He pursued. Though I talked to him first and I invited him to my friend’s brunch, he definitely made our relationship into something that was more than just friends, when I didn’t think it would be.
I’ll share more about my take on The Rules next week, so stay tuned.