The following article is by Paul Brunson, who I met at a Rachel Greenwald seminar in New York last year. His points are valid, though my own matchmaking clients also won’t date many of the types he mentions here. I can’t say that I blamed them. While you can work with SOME guys, if a guy has more than ONE of these issues, say NEXT!
10 Underrated Men and Why You Should Date Them
Friday, April 8, 2011 | 11:50 AMby Paul Carrick Brunson
Guys You Often Overlook When Dating
The availability of single men is largely about math. If there are 10 single men at a party and you disqualify 9 of them, your probability of meeting Mr. Right shrinks to below 10% (the reason it’s ‘below’ is because, don’t forget, he needs to not disqualify you). When you take this same concept and apply it to our daily lives, the result is that very few women meet and then, subsequently, date men. The average number of dates my female clients have before working with me is 3-5 per year (and I’m beginning to think this is the rule and not the exception). To increase the number of men you date, there are 2 basic things you can do: 1) Expand your social circles. 2) Open your mind to new men. Today we’re focusing on #2 – the following list includes the 10 types of men most women disqualify and I suggest taking a second look.
Under 5’5″ Guys
Height is the number one request I hear from my female clients, with the average request coming in at 6 feet. But, those same clients are surprised to know that only 14 percent of men in the U.S. meet or exceed that clearance level. Height is sought for the feeling of masculinity it embodies. However, masculinity is the combination of physical prowess (height is only a portion of this component), courage, and honor – he may be vertically challenged, but if he makes up for it in other areas, this guy is a keeper!
30-50% of men are reportedly introverts. This means that there are as many as 20 million single introverted men in the U.S. I’ve often said that introverts are invisible on the dating scene because it’s unlikely that they will approach you and you may overlook them because of the distraction caused by their more dominant, extroverted counterparts. The quiet guy is one you should engage in conversation — research shows that they are the most romantic lovers!
No Flava Guys
I’m calling out my cousins as well as wife’s friends (sorry, ladies!) on this one…I always hear about a guy who’s been tossed aside because he doesn’t know why the bottom of your shoes are red, his suits aren’t bespoke, and he’s too nice. The “he’s a cornball” excuse can only last so long. Having ‘flava’ says NOTHING about what’s most important, the husband he will be and also the father he will be to your children…’flava’ is like sprinkles on a hot donut from Krispy Kreme…nice but not necessary.
You won’t find a stronger advocate for Black marriage than me (the core reason for founding my matchmaking company). But, the idea of not “dating out” because you’re afraid of what your friends and family will say when you bring him to the 4th of July barbecue is unfair to your search for love. Don’t be afraid to bring home a White boy!
Mamma’s Boy Guys
I moderate a popular twitter show called Modern Day Matchmaker Wednesday where I match a bachelor or bachelorette with a date. I’ve never seen a faster demise of a bachelor than when one said he was a Mamma’s boy. What’s ironic is that a man’s relationship with his mother is often indicative of how he will treat his wife. Give these guys another chance…
Long Distance Guys
Most people look for someone within 25 miles of their home…thinking they will see them frequently. However, what’s interesting is that most of us married folk see our spouses less than 20 hours per week (given long work days, travel, etc). As long as planes fly, I’m for dating everywhere…don’t let distance stop you…most of us would relocate for career or education…why not extend the same thought for love?
The state of our economy has forced a lot of great guys into involuntary unemployment. He may not have a job today, but tomorrow he may be the VP at a Fortune 500 company. If his values match your own and you can determine that he has strong drive and determination, see this guy through the tough times and better days will be ahead.
Too Young/Too Old Guys
How many times have you said you won’t date anyone more than 5 years older or younger than you (or some variation of this)? We must remove the mental tags from age requirements in dating. If we want someone that can “relate” to us, a number won’t necessarily determine that. Put down your boundaries and plenty of new potential will open up (as long as you’re not scouring school grounds!)
My favorite line from a client was that she refuses to date someone with “a cup size bigger than her own.” From my research, being heavy is the second most undesirable trait in a man (right under being short – no pun intended). Let’s face it, we’re a nation of overweight people trying to lose weight. If health and fitness are a part of your lifestyle, chances are he’ll adopt some of your healthy habits. My wife and I motivate each other with fitness challenges. Friendly competition can yield sweet rewards!
Cave Man Guys
Just because his fingernails are dirty and his breath smells like fertilizer doesn’t mean he’ll never figure out how to remove his cuticles or that flossing isn’t done exclusively in a drop-top. “Shopping” is one style of dating, but I prefer “investing.” Look at your possible mate from the inside out – perhaps the qualities that can’t be seen are worth much more than those that are visible. All beautifully cut diamonds started in the rough.