Are you a Ten?

Original Post – Friday, May 29, 2009

I read the following article by Scott Croft and thought it was spot on! I’ve just posted the best parts, but you can read the entire article for yourself through the link at the bottom. Enjoy! And comment if you have one!
The Diva Dating Coach

by Scott Croft (in part)

Are you a single Christian man who desires to be married? Let me help.

I have an idea for a personal ad:
“Single Christian male (SCM) seeks single Christian female (SCF) to love as Christ loved the church, to give himself up for her to make her holy, to love as he loves himself (Eph. 5). SCF must be absolute physical knockout (no one scoring below 9.0, please), must love to talk politics and sports, and must possess a laundry list of pre-decided personal characteristics so completely that SCM is convinced no better option could possibly be available within the next decade.”

Oh, you’re a single Christian woman? No problem:
“SCF seeks SCM to submit to in everything as to the Lord, to respect, to serve, to follow and to be led by in discipleship and ministry, to trust as spiritual leader of the home, and to serve Christ with for the next several decades or until Jesus comes back. SCM must possess total confidence (but can’t be cocky and must trust SCF’s opinion in all things); must be devastatingly handsome but have no idea that he is; must be exquisite interpersonal communicator who enjoys nothing more than long, conversations about the relationship; must understand SCF completely; and must otherwise fit description of how SCF thought ‘The One’ would be since SCF started thinking about it at age 11.”

I once counseled a Christian brother in his dating relationship with a great woman. She was godly, caring, and bright. She was attractive, but not a supermodel. For weeks I listened to this brother agonize over his refusal to commit and propose to this woman. He said they were able to talk well about a lot of things, but there were a few topics he was interested in that she couldn’t really engage with, and sometimes the conversation “dragged.”

He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he “just pictured differently” on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, “I guess I’m looking for a ‘ten’.”

I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, “You’re looking for a ‘ten’? But, brother, look at yourself. You’re like a ‘six.’ If you ever find the woman you’re looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?”

Here’s something else the world won’t tell you. Even if you find your “perfect ten” — however you define “ten” — marriage is still hard. When you search for a spouse, you are looking for someone (a sinner, like you) who you will be serving God and living the Christian life with until Christ returns or one of you dies.

In that context, even a really good sense of humor will only get you so far. Physical attractiveness (as defined by the world) fades in 100 percent of people, including you. “Chemistry” as the world defines it ebbs and flows in any relationship. Your spouse can be as fun-loving as he or she can possibly be and there will still be many moments that aren’t fun. Your spouse can have the best personality you’ve ever seen and he or she will still drive you absolutely batty sometimes if you live with him or her for the rest of your life. You can marry someone who appears to be an omni-competent genius, and there will still be times that neither of you knows what to do next. Knowing that is part of maturing as a person and as a believer, and believe it or not, it’s part of what makes marriage wonderful and special.

As you seek someone with whom to serve God in marriage, build on something more than what might make for a few fun dates or an impressive “catch” in the world’s eyes.

Read the entire article at

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