Wife Material

Wedding Photos-497

On Saturday morning my blogtalk show will be about whether or not you are wife material.   All the single ladies that have come to me for love life solutions and dating advice are now on their way to meeting new guys, dating successfully, finding fulfilling relationships and even getting engaged!  I want to talk about the next step – becoming a wife to someone.  Most want to be married yesterday but are you really totally prepared for what comes after “I Do”?

Some think it is all about age.  If you are a certain age, you feel like you are definitely old enough to get married.  And legally you are.  But what about spiritually?  Financially?  Emotionally?

Others are consumed with wedding thoughts.  You are more into dreaming about and planning the actual wedding event, like color schemes, dresses, who your bridesmaids are going to be, what kind of cake you want, or whether you would like a band or DJ.  Maybe you have not seriously considered the marriage part that comes after (except maybe the honeymoon!).

Newly married since Labor Day Weekend of last year, I’d like to share with you some insights and knowledge on marriage that I think you should have, to prepare yourself for the journey ahead, single ladies!  Join me live at 8AM this Saturday on blogtalkradio.com.  You can also listen later in the archives section of my show “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland.”

See you then!

Kiki

Dating Talk banner

If you are engaged, join me for a pre-marriage workshop

on August 2, 2014 from 5 – 7PM in Washington, DC.

More details at www.kikistrickland.com

Converting for a Guy? Don’t!

Jodi AriasI’m watching the Jodi Arias movie and I’m in shock.  Talk about chasing a guy, LOL.  She totally didn’t understand his religion or his struggle with temptation (her).  She even put him on blast a few times with his Mormon friends, mentioning their sex life.  He told her to her face a few times that he was going to marry a Mormon woman and did not see their ‘relationship’ as long term.  She herself even complained that she was the one driving five hours to see him (long distance relationship) and felt like just a booty call to him.

She was!

She was right.  Yet it didn’t change her actions.

I hope you are not ever in a situation like that.

She wanted him so badly that she got baptized in the Mormon Church to please him, even though he was surprised and it didn’t change his feelings for her at all.  He still did not plan to make her his wife.

She pretended to be OK with a sex-only relationship, even though she wanted to marry him.  She did everything she could, from moving to his city and shopping at the same grocery store so he would run into her ‘accidently’ and trying to make him jealous by sleeping with some random guy and sending him pictures of her with the guy.  Everything totally backfired!

Never chase a man.  He should be the one pursuing you, driving five hours to see you (at least three hours if you are going to drive two to meet him!).  And I dare say even converting to YOUR religion instead of the other way around!  It is a different story if you feel a real conviction about his faith and believe in it and want to embrace it – that is different.  Do it if so.  But you cannot do it to please him.

He is NOT yours if you feel like you are doing all the work.

Jodi’s story is very sad, of course, and ended tragically.  But it didn’t have to be.  Someone should have told Jodi that when a man loves you, you don’t have to pursue him or wonder where the relationship is going.  You don’t have to stalk him to see who he is with or check his phone messages to see who is texting him or move to his area to ‘run into him’ while shopping.  You don’t have to do anything.   You just ‘are’ and he loves you.

And if you feel that you have to do those things, dump him and instead see a therapist or a relationship coach.

 

Join my “Married in 2 years or Less” 90-Day program!  New spots open for August now.

http://www.kikistrickland.com

Happy Hour – WHO ME?

happy hourSometimes I get the impression that some women do not think they can attend a ‘happy hour’ function or even sit at the bar of a restaurant if they are a Christian.  Why do I think that?

Here is how the conversation goes while we are talking about things they are doing to meet people:

“Do you ever attend happy hours?  Do you coworkers or friends go out after work?”

“No!  I don’t drink!”

Somewhere along the way I think people started thinking ‘happy hour’ has to mean you have an alcoholic drink.  While that may have been the intent in the past (why they called it “happy”), I point out to those that never go – YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK.

Happy hour prices are available at almost ALL restaurants during the time of rush hour, usually starting at 3 or 4PM and ending around 7 or 8PM.  This means you can have half-priced appetizers at most places, and yes, drinks for a lot less, even pitchers.  Bar Louie is one of my favorite places to do happy hour, as their fabulous-tasting flatbread is only $6 from 4 – 7PM.  Yes, that is half-price, same large size!

So when I say ‘happy hour’ I do not mean a BAR.  I mean a restaurant!

But yes, you should SIT at the BAR at the restaurant!

Quiet as it is kept, everyone at the bar area is not drinking an alcoholic beverage.  Soda is OK.  Water is OK.  Even juice is OK.

Why do I recommend happy hours?  Because people are congregating after 5PM, usually to mingle and meet other people.  And yes, to eat and get something non-alcoholic to drink.  Not everyone drinks alcoholic drinks during the week.  Maybe a Friday night will be more rowdy and full of drunkards (usually not even then, just people unwinding and relaxing, not getting drunk).  Please do not think everyone at a bar area is getting drunk.  It is just not true.

You should be getting out and about regularly.  Why not stop by the local PF Chang or Ruby Tuesdays on a weeknight, if it is a happening spot?  Sit at the bar!

I told one lady to sit at the bar area and you would have thought I told her to go out and fornicate!

It is not that serious, folks.  The bar area is not off limits to Christians.

I’m not sure what she thought.  Maybe that people would think SHE is a drinker/alcoholic?  Or that she was that at the bar to try to meet a man?

Happy Hour is not like that.  People may be waiting for the traffic to die down before heading home.  People may come for the food.  People may be there because they want to socialize a bit.

So what?  It doesn’t matter WHY people are there.  But it is good that people are there because you need to meet people!

Most people sit at the bar because they are by themselves and open to chatting with others around them.  No one is going to come over to a table to chat with you unless they already know you (or unless they are extremely bold!).  But at the bar, everyone is chatting with everyone, including the bartender.  This is a GOOD thing, ladies.

If your coworkers are getting together to hang out for an hour or so after work, GO (unless you don’t like them).  Or go by yourself.  Stop in to a popular place for an hour, have something to eat, smile at a few people, chat with those sitting next to you at the bar and then go home.

You’ll feel better for being PROACTIVE.

And as I always say, you never know who you might meet.

Happy Dating!

Kiki

http://www.kikistrickland.com

A Lesson on Photos

terry-crewsTerry-Crews1

I really like Terry Crews since I started watching reruns of Are We There Yet?  I remember him in a few movies as the thuggish villain, which he plays really well, being so big and as a body builder. He was often the victim of type-casting.   If it wasn’t for Are We There Yet, I wouldn’t have known his softer, handsome, intelligent, good husband side.  I love that a show like this hired him (kudos to Ice Cube!) for the lead male role.

I think this is a good lesson for women who are dating online.  You may have a perception of men who look like Crews’ type that is totally incorrect.  I know I did.  I would not have been open to dating him if I came across him online.

If you saw the first photo (above) of Terry Crews online, would you be open to dating him?  I probably would have said no in the past and not even continued on with the rest of his profile.  The truth is men don’t usually take good photos.  Most of the online dating photos that men put up are terrible.  I know that many of you delete men’s profiles based on their photos and it is a mistake.

Look at these two photos of Crews.  I believe most guys would choose to post the one on top because they think they look cool and sexy if they aren’t smiling.  In fact, they probably think they look soft or cheesy when they smile.  Women, on the other hand, would much prefer the smiling pic here of Crews, right?  You might not even read the profile of a guy looking like his photo on the left.  You think he looks mean (even though he is wearing a suit) and you’ve probably made other assumptions about him – his character, education, income, etc.

The photo underneath looks more comfortable, relaxed, happy, like a nice and fun guy.  Even though he is not wearing a suit he seems to have a lot going for himself.  But you may not even see this photo if you just stopped at the first photo he had up, the one on top.  Or he may not have even posted the second photo of himself, thinking he looked too corny.

I encourage you to stop eliminating guys based on their photos at all.  Read the profile!  (more on profiles later though, since a lot of men just hurriedly put one up).  Give the guy a chance before hitting delete, especially if you are really serious about meeting The One this year.  You may have passed over lots of good guys based on a bad photo or a misconception over how they look (or seem to look).

If you need to meet for online dating help, check out my website at www.kikistrickland.com

PS – check out this photo below.  What perception/opinion do you immediately get when looking at this photo of him?  And why?

WWE And The Creative Coalition's SummerSlam Kickoff Party

PSS – I don’t know Crews at all so really any thoughts I have on him are based on his acting career.  I would have to date him to find out if he is worth dating, just like you will have to talk to a guy to find out if you could like him.  That is the point!  Happy Dating!

 

Date someone in the “MEANTIME”

date imageAre you out dating at least once a month?  It should be more, but at a minimum, you should be going out once per month.

“But I have no one to go out with,” you say.  Rarely is that true.  There is usually SOMEONE that is asking you out, even if that person is not the person you are interested in.  If you are a female, someone should be asking you out.  (If not, there is a huge problem and you need to meet with me ASAP to find out why that is not happening).

Go anyway!

I’m not saying go out with the homeless bum that said “Hey, baby” the other day.  I’m talking about any guy that was polite when he approached you and asked.  Or the guy online that has sent you three emails.  Or the guy friend/coworker that keeps asking when you can do lunch.

What is the harm in meeting him for lunch or coffee/tee at a Starbucks?

It is good for you to get out and get more dating experience, even if it is with someone you think you are not going to like romantically. Consider these dates dating practice.

Get more dates under your belt.  Get in the habit of regularly going out!

And you never know, one just may turn out to be a great guy and a fun date!

 

Anything else is just an excuse

So I have this client who says she is seeing this guy but he never gets together with her.  He just texts.

He has made some half-hearted attempts to get together in person but something has come up two of the three times.  He did meet with her briefly for about half an hour one evening during the week.  Then he had to go to ‘take care of some things.’

So do you think he is really interested in her?

Some of you are saying, he could be really busy – like at an important job, like a doctor who is on for twelve hours for example – but he is not a doctor.

He could just have a lot going on in his life right now – someone else said (yes, her).

But the truth is, if someone is saying they like you but are not making time to meet up with you in person for this reason or that reason, it is just an excuse.

If a guy really likes you, he will make time.  If a woman really likes you, she will make time for you.

Now he or she may not be able to be with you as much as they really WANT to, but they will be with you.

There will not be excuse after excuse, because the truth is, we make time for the things we want to make time for, even if it means missing some sleep, eating on the run to do something during lunch, or cutting out another event we even paid for.

When we really like someone, there is nothing that can keep us away from them.

There was a poem I once heard that went something like this.  Not sure of the author.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. 

It is true!  Wait for the one that is bending over backwards to be with you.  It will be worth the wait!!!

Dating 4, 7, 10 Years? Don’t do it! 

I meet a lot of women who want MORE in their love lives.  Some are already in a relationship but aren’t happy.  I’m always surprised when a woman tells me she has been in a relationship with the same guy for several YEARS.

“Don’t you want to get married?” I ask.

“Yes!” they usually say.

“So WHY are you still dating him?”

I get a variety of surface answers but the true answer usually comes down to this – she is afraid to walk away.

Now she may say that it is because she loves him or because she has already invested so much time in the relationship or because he always comes back when she tries to break it off or because he needs her…etc.   But the truth usually is she is stuck.  She wants marriage but he won’t marry her; she wants out but emotionally cannot break away from him.

He hasn’t proposed to you in five years?

That is nonsense!

There is an easier way to avoid this type of relationship.

It still may hurt (a lot) to break it off, but this way will save you YEARS of hurt.

  • Do not continue being exclusive if after a year of dating him if there is no talk at all of marriage.
  • If there is some talk of marriage, date him for two years, but no longer than that without a ring.
  • If the two year mark hits and the ring has not come, tell him you think you should see other people since you’ve been dating for a couple of years without plans for a real future together.
  • Also, never move in with a guy unless you have a ring. (I wouldn’t even do it then but I know some of you believe in living together.  At least wait until you are engaged to him to be sure marriage is on the table).

After a year of dating you, believe me, the guy has a sense of whether or not he can marry you.  He already knows the answer.  He may not be ready, but he knows if it is something he wants with you.

If he is NOT sure about marriage with you after a year of dating you exclusively, definitely start seeing other people.  You can still date him, but date others as well.  If after TWO years he is not sure at all, end the relationship – you are wasting time.

If you are not in an exclusive relationship with him after a year of dating, forget about marrying him – he is just kicking it with you, not seriously.

But if you have been dating him in an exclusive, monogamous relationship for years but whenever you try to talk about marriage he avoids the topic, changes the subject, starts an argument, or breaks up with you for a while, he is telling you marriage is NOT in the cards for you and him.

ACCEPT THIS and move on.

And to avoid this heartache in the future, when you start dating another guy, tell him upfront (like before you even become exclusive with him) that you do not believe in dating the same person for YEARS.  Mention you think people know after a year or two if they’ve found The One.  Say you think dating should be one or two years tops before moving on or getting married.  Then he will know upfront how much time he has before he has to step up.

On the flip side, I think talking about or believing there should be marriage talk inside of six months is pre-mature.  You don’t even KNOW the person yet. It takes at least six months to really know someone and I would never recommend actually GETTING MARRIED to him/her before you have dated a complete year (all four seasons).

If you want to talk about your situation, contact me for a Love Life Chat!

Kiki