Kiki Strickland

No Rings until Engaged

In Uncategorized on April 21, 2014 at 5:01 pm

ring on finger
I was meeting with a new client the other day and I noticed she was wearing a ruby on her wedding finger. She also wore a band of diamonds on the ring finger of her right hand. It was distracting as we talked about her love life and I finally asked her if she always wore these rings, especially the one on the left hand on the finger that is supposed to represent marriage. She said that she wore it a lot and wondered if she should or not.

DEFINITELY NOT!

These are ways we sabotage our chances at finding love, ladies!

Men look at your hands to see if you are available or not. Women do the same. Men often do not have their wedding rings on when they work or if playing a sport, so it is hard to tell if they are married or not. But women often wear too many rings. If you are wearing a ring that looks something like a wedding ring or engagement ring, men think you are unavailable!

Unfortunately men are not always aware of what finger or even hand the engagement or wedding ring goes on (I know you are thinking “What’s wrong with them!”). They do not know as much about traditions and jewelry in general, so it is not a surprise that my husband tried to put my engagement ring on my right hand when he gave it to me. Another guy friend told me he thought one of my friends was married until I pointed out the ring she wears is on the OTHER hand. They are clueless.

So I recommend not wearing ANYTHING that would confuse them.

We will never know how many men were interested in talking to my new client while she was out and about but were deterred by the rings, thinking she was taken.

“But I LOVE jewelry!” you say.

OK. That is fine. But are you single and looking? Then do NOT misrepresent yourself (purposely or accidently) and wait for someone else to buy you the most important piece of jewelry that you really desire – a RING!

Wear your rings around your girlfriends or family but not when you go out where singles are or where you want to meet potentials. Wear it at home. Wear it when you do not want to meet someone. But PLEASE be aware of anything you may be doing that keeps you from meeting your Mr. Right, as innocent as it may be.

I remember when I was in college there were a few friends that wore ‘promise rings’ that they had given themselves as a representation of their commitment to the Lord to wait before marriage. That is a great and noble gesture, but there really is no need for an outer representation of such a commitment. That is between you and the Lord. So again, why confuse anyone? Keep the ring finger free until your Mr. Right ‘puts a ring on it.’

The Rules part 2

In Uncategorized on April 13, 2014 at 11:17 am

So I was talking last week about The Rules.  I pointed out some of the ones that I do not agree with.  There are many Rules that I DO support and teach my clients!  Here are 10 that I fully believe in:

  1. Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
  2. Don’t Tell Him What to Do
  3. Let Him Take the Lead
  4. Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
  5. Don’t Open Up Too Fast
  6. Be Honest but Mysterious
  7. Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
  8. Don’t Date a Married Man
  9. Love Only Those Who Love You
  10. Be Easy to Live With

and also these from another version of The Rules:

  • Rule #23: Don’t be self-destructive by dating married, unavailable, and other mixed-messages guys.
  • Rule #24: Stop dating a guy who cancels more than once. (unless he really does have a job that is prone to emergencies, like a EMT, firefighter, doctor, or other on-call at a moments notice job)
  • Rule #26: Don’t accept booty calls or meaningless hookups.

These Rules above are actually good rules to follow!  Don’t do these!

I will qualify the part about leaving things in his apartment.  I think it is OK to have a drawer or some things in the closet and bathroom when you have been exclusive for a while and of course when you are engaged.  But you still have your place and should be there at least three nights a week until marriage.  He should want to spend more time with you, not wonder when you are going home!  Don’t overstay your welcome, or try to move in without being asked or having a firm commitment (like a ring!).   Some women start leaving things all around this place, like staking her claim.   He starts complaining to his friends that it LOOKS like you have moved in, even though you never talked about it.   If he wants more with you, he will ask you.  Don’t make assumptions and don’t overstay your welcome or leave much of your stuff at his place without him offering.

Again, he should want more, not less!

More about books like this -  women are looking for a formula to follow to get the guy.  They want to find their Mr. Right and if there is something out there (anything!) that says, “Look!  Here is the way that you can get the man you want,” they will try it.  The problem is, there is contradictory information out there so WHICH do you follow???

Ladies, you have to find the coaches and authors that you trust and believe in.  Definitely find at least one who is where you want to be – as far as a relationship is concerned.  If you are following the advice of someone who is not even where you want to be relationship-wise, you may not want what they are teaching!  You may get what they got!

Find the advice that feels right to you and do that.

“The Rules” according to Kiki

In Uncategorized on April 7, 2014 at 6:13 pm

The RulesLast week I interviewed a friend who is a RULES dating coach.  Listen to the show on “Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland” on blogtalk radio.  It was interesting!  I must say that when I read The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider back in the day, I was like, “Yeah, this is what I’m doing already!”  I never called guys back, I didn’t pursue them, I was barely interested and I couldn’t get rid of them!  I had plenty of dates and ‘guy friends’ hanging around.   But that was because I really didn’t like those guys.  When I met one that I thought was the best looking guy I’d ever met, I chased him like a dog runs after a car!  It was terrible!  That is when I really needed the Rules.  Too bad I didn’t remember any of them while I went off the deep end trying my best to get him to like me.  He even at one point insulted my faith/religion and while that was painful, I did not give up the dream and continued to stalk him.

I eventually got him and we dated a few months.  Again, it was awful.  It never felt right to me (the religion thing was a clear sign he wasn’t right for me), I was insecure about this other woman that he had pursued (she wouldn’t give him the time of day, ironically) and in the end he broke up with me when I pulled away without letting him know what was bothering me.

Having said all that as background, I’d like to share my opinion of The Rules now.  I wrote a book called “How Divas Date” (available as an e-book on my website) in 2011 in which I give advice to women on how I think they can meet their Mr. Right and keep him.  While some of the tips may sound a little bit like The Rules, I also recognize that there are MANY Rules that are totally wrong.

I teach flirting classes (check out our next Flirt Night DC on my website for our next one!) and I help women become more approachable, to make eye contact, to make casual conversation and be relaxed around men.   This very hard for some women and they NEVER meet guys while out.  We work on being friendly and getting more comfortable around the opposite sex.  Well, one of the Rules is

Rule #2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance).

Rule #5:  Don’t sit or stand next to a guy first or flirt with him first.

I think I’ve also read that you are not to look at men or initiate contact.

I do not agree with these.  In fact, I met my own husband (we married in 2013) at a ski club meeting and I spoke to him first.  I said, “Hello.  Is this your first time here?  I’ve never seen you before.”

I was just being friendly but to this day, he says I was flirting with him.  LOL.  I really wasn’t.  I was just being friendly, but the rest is history.  I did not pursue him by any means.  In fact, I even declined his first few suggestions to hang out.  But when a friend was having a brunch, I decided to invite him along.  Again, I was not thinking ‘date.’   I didn’t even think that we would be more than friends after hanging out a few times, but now we are married.  He was persistent.  He pursued.  Though I talked to him first and I invited him to my friend’s brunch, he definitely made our relationship into something that was more than just friends, when I didn’t think it would be.

I’ll share more about my take on The Rules next week, so stay tuned.

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