Sex won’t GET or KEEP him!

couple-in-bedI just received this paragraph from another dating coach who was telling women how to deal with not knowing where you stand with a man.  He said this:

You’ve been seeing a guy you really like for a while.

You’ve had amazing dates. Deep talks. Passionate kisses. Lazy mornings in bed together where nothing in the world seemed to matter but the two of you.   

Could he be “the one?” You wonder… He certainly seems like husband material.   

Still there’s one thing that’s bugging you…   

You haven’t actually defined the relationship. Is he your boyfriend? Are you exclusive?   

But I say, back up!  If you do not know where you stand, WHY are you spending lazy mornings in bed together?  Why are you in his BED at all?

That was mistake #1!  If you are NOT his exclusive girlfriend, don’t sleep with him!

I think many of you are messing up by having sex with men that are not committed to you, not in a relationship with you, may not even really LIKE you.  You are just their in-between girl.  And you sort of know this.  You know they have not mentioned exclusivity or what you are to them (Friend?  Friend with benefits? Possible girlfriend?) but for some reason you actually think having sex with him may put you in the driver’s seat.  It doesn’t!  It is just the opposite.  Now you are MORE attached to him.  And he is LESS attached to you.

After you have sex with him, you may notice he is calling you even less than before.  Or things get hot and heavy (heavier) for a few weeks, then totally stop! He is gone.  Or he now just comes by when he wants sex.  Either way, you are feeling even more confused about what you are to him.  You are more confused and hurt than when you were not sleeping with him yet.

Last Sunday at Zion Church, the pastor did an excellent message on “Your Purpose or Your Sexual Pleasure?” Listen here.  He talked about how many men and women have not been able to control this area of their lives (sex) and how it has taken them off of their purpose in life.  He was talking about your calling in life and God’s purpose for you.  But even in the dating sense – if YOUR purpose and desire is to be married, don’t get sexually involved with someone that isn’t making it clear that they are headed that way with you.

Some of you are thinking that is IMPOSSIBLE to do, that men want sex early and often and won’t stick around if they aren’t getting it.  I think it is sad that you believe that.  Either you are dating the wrong type of men, or you really don’t believe that you are worth waiting for.  You don’t value your body or your ability to keep a man interested in you WITHOUT sex.

We will be talking about mindset issues and inner beliefs at my Mindset Master Class on Dating in November (details coming).  This is for the serious woman who is ready to start doing the inner work to finally find real love.

In the meantime, if you are sleeping with a man that is NOT your verbally-declared committed boyfriend, STOP.  You slept with the last guy and how did that work out for you?  Just saying…

Happy Dating!

Here are events coming up with Kiki:

Meeting Mr. Right in 3-Days – teleseminar – 9AM on Saturday, October 11, 2014

Romance at Any Age with Dr. Diane Kern – October 21 at DC’s Woodbridge Interim Library

Details here

Still looking for The One? Contact me today!
Kiki Strickland, Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Helping you find the LOVE you’ve always dreamed of.
202-718-7797

Married by Age 40?

40 years old card

Some of you are nearing the age of 35, 37, 38 and want to be married by age 40.   I know exactly how you feel.  I met my husband when I was 38, we got engaged when I was 40 and I married him at 41.

Are you headed in that direction right now?  Are you happily in love with a man that will make a great husband?  If not, get cracking!  This is the time to crack down and get more serious and proactive about your love life.

You need a strategy, a plan. Not be desperate and just take the next man that asks you out, but to be STRATEGIC in your dating.

I had a plan.  I had narrowed down the PLACES I knew the type of men I liked went.  And that is exactly where I ended up meeting my husband.  I now work with women on their dating strategy.  It is called “My Dating Plan” and yes, you need one.  Schedule a Meeting Mr. Right Session with me to get started.

You also need to make sure that there are not any inner hindrances keeping you from being successful in a relationship.  Why have your relationships ended?  What was the cause of the breakups?  Were you at fault?  Has it been your insecurities, fears, attitude or issues?  Deal with and correct these NOW before it is too late and you are not only 40 but 50 and still single.

Come to my Dating Mindset Master Class this month, where we will start to do this INNER work to prepare for your future husband.  It’s $50 and takes place on October 25.  Check out my website at www.kikistrickland.com and make sure that you attend if you know you need to be there.

Note:  There really is no rush, however, so don’t get frustrated if you are almost 40.   It may be that you marry at 47, like my cousin, and be extremely happily in love once and for all.  Does it really matter WHEN you find love as long as you find it?

Happy Dating!

 Still looking for The One? Contact me today!

Kiki Strickland, Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Helping you find the LOVE you’ve always dreamed of.

www.kikistrickland.com

 

BlogTalk Radio: ” Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland”

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dating-talk-with-kiki-strickland

 

FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/divamatchmaker

Twitter@DivaMatchmaker

 

Traditional Marriages, Applebee’s and Men of Means

monet and vaughn

Ladies, I want to make sure that you know it is OK for you to want to have a traditional marriage with traditional gender roles.  If this is what you want, don’t feel bad!  There are men who also want this.  The key is finding him!

Millions of viewers watched Monet & Vaughn on Married At First Sight discuss their views of traditional marriage.  They both had said they wanted a traditional marriage and that was one of the reasons why they were paired together.  It showed once again that some women still have an interesting view of “traditional.”  It seemed Monet wanted the MAN to be the traditional bread winner and provider of the family but she didn’t think she should have to be the traditional wife.  A traditional wife cooks and cleans or takes responsibility for these things getting done.  Vaughn did not think she was a traditional wife like she claimed to be.

We will be talking about this at my ‘Meeting a Man of Means’ seminar tomorrow.  Women do want a man that can provide for his family.  But women do not always think about what a man who provides wants in return.  Women say that they know they are supposed to be a helpmeet/helpmate to their future husband, but then they do not want to help where he needs it (food, comfort, sex, clean house, emotional support).  Check out radio show “Are You Wife Material” HERE.

My seminar on Saturday is really going to be about finding a man that CAN provide, because there are many men out there who can’t or do not WANT to provide.  They do not make enough money to cover a complete household of wife and children.  They can barely provide for themselves!  And even some who do make decent money or even good money, don’t have that provider mentality.

If you really do want to be a traditional wife (dare I say even a stay-at-home wife/mother), you need to find a man that can and will provide.  And if you want him to provide well, he needs to be a man of means.

Even if you are a woman that makes a lot of money yourself, you may still want a man that makes MORE than you.  How are you going to find that?  Women today are out-earning men in some areas, especially in the African American communities.

I remember when I held my ‘Strong Successful Single Woman Syndrome’ seminar a few years ago, some of the ladies were complaining that men felt intimidated by their success and what they had.  I asked where they were meeting these men.  I will never forget that one woman said she met her last guy at the Applebee’s in Suitland.   Now….I don’t feel I really need to say anything bad about Applebee’s restaurant or Suitland as a city, but I think common sense will probably tell you that you are not going to meet a man of means there.  You have to be more strategic in where you go and who you meet.

We will talk about this more at tomorrow’s seminar.  If you are interested in attending, get your ticket HERE

See you there!

 

Kiki Strickland, Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Helping you find the LOVE you’ve always dreamed of.

Short Hair VS Long Hair…and what men like

long-hair-vs-short-hair-Halle-Berry

One of the wonderful ladies who attended my “Finding a Husband After 40″ seminar last Saturday mentioned that since she has cut her hair short and gone natural, she has not had one guy approach her.  I barely recognized her myself, since it had been over a year since I’d last seen her and she did look drastically different.   I LOVE the new goldish/blonde tint to her hair and her makeup looked flawless!   But the fact that I, a woman, liked it, meant nothing if it was not getting her the results she wanted for her love life.

Do men like longer hair?  Yes!  It is a well-known fact that most men prefer and are more attracted to women with longer hair.  Some don’t care if it is your own hair or not, they just know that they are more attracted to women with more length.

Check out these photos.  Which look do you think is more attractive?  Longer or shorter?

long-hair-vs-short-hair-Hayden-Panettiere long-hair-vs-short-hair-michelle long-hair-vs-short-hair-Natalie-Portman

I believe I personally look better with longer hair.  My figure even appears more shapely when I have more length and my face seems softer and more becoming.

But regardless what I think about it, my husband’s opinion is important.  He has let me know that he likes it longer and definitely prefers my own hair to braids.  I’ve heard him loud and clear on that.  I love braids – they are convenient, allow me to swim, etc. but if my husband doesn’t find them attractive, why would I wear them?  Just because I am married already doesn’t mean that I don’t want to look as attractive as I can to my man.

Some men may prefer short hair.  Find that guy if you plan to keep yours short.  But if you want a wider pool of men to choose from, start growing it longer (or add extensions, hair pieces, clips or get a weave).

I believe in doing whatever it takes to be more appealing – whether losing weight, getting a makeover, growing hair or changing your style of dress.  For example, if men prefer women who look more feminine, put on a dress or skirt.  Don’t look like a tomboy in sweats and t-shirts if you are trying to meet men.  Skirts and sandals or heels are more attractive.  Show some leg!

If you have changed hairstyles and feel that it is hindering your love life, do something about it.  Go to the beauty supply store and check out different options and pieces to possibly add on to the back of your hair.  Consult with the clerks in the store and get their suggestions on how to change up your look.

Here is a new look DC Dating Tele-summit guest speaker Kat Smith gave me during her Diva Makeover Clinic this Spring and I loved it!  My husband did too!  Kat added clip-ons into my hair for an instant longer look.

kiki makeover1

 

The great thing about hair pieces and add-ons is that they are temporary and it’s easy to test them out.  Wear one when you go out shopping and see if there is a difference in the attention you get.  Let me know what happens!

Email me at info@kikistrickland.com

Join us for the DC Dating Tele-summit this week! August 25 – 28 every night at 6:30PM.  You can also listen to the replays at this same link:

DC Dating Tele-summit

Happy Dating!

Kiki

http://www.kikistrickland.com

Using Football to Meet Men

Are you Ready for some FOOTBALL!!!football girl

Football season has started (the pre-season that is) and the sports bars and restaurants have started to fill up!  Ladies, this is a prime opportunity to meet some new guys.  Men LOVE sports, especially football, so why not start visiting some of these venues that are showing the game?  There are usually several men sitting at the bar or nearby high tables enjoying the action.   They are in a good mood (hopefully their team is winning!), they are friendly and looking to talk a little trash.

You should be there!  But you should also know a little bit about football first.  Being clueless and clapping while the opposing team is scoring is a No No (unless you are a fan of the other team).  It is easy to get a little knowledge about the game before heading out in your favorite jersey and joining the bar stools of die-hard fans.

If you are in DC, join us on Thursday, August 21 for the Cliff’s Notes on Football for only $10 with me and my meetup groups.  We will be discussing the basics of the game so you know what is going on while watching.  You can also read up on football on wikipedia or NFL.com on your own, of course.  But get SOME knowledge if you don’t know anything about the game.

What if you are actually there AT the game? Some men like to ATTEND games and will be happy to have you join them.  What if you are invited as a date?  Would you go?  YES! You should! Even if you don’t really care for the game, it is a nice outing and fun to be there in person.

Football can be complicated for some of us, but here are some basic things you should know to enjoy the game if you are at a live game (your man may have season tickets!) and you are not very familiar with football.

THE BASIC GOAL OF EACH PLAY

To simplify what is happening, the goal is to get at least 10 yards with the ball (and the players have 4 chances to do this).  If they get 10 yards, they get another 4 chances.  If they don’t get 10 yards, it’s the other team’s turn to try.

FOLLOW YOUR MAN’S LEAD

When I started going to the Redskins games with my then boyfriend/now husband, I often didn’t even know WHERE the ball was!  It all happened so fast, the play was over before I knew what happened.  That is OK.  Just follow the lead of your man.  If he cheers, you cheer.  If he complains, you complain.  Or say, “I know, right?” or “That’s crazy!”

Asking questions is OK but only if nothing is happening on the field.  If the players are moving, be quiet.

THE REPLAY WILL SHOW WHAT HAPPENED

If you miss something, just wait until the REPLAY on the screen shows a close up of the play.  No need to say much until then.  Then you can comment on it, i.e. “That was CLEARLY a touchdown!”

LOOK FOR THE TEXT DISPLAY

It took me a long while to realize that everything the announcer said about the play was showing up in a little display in the stands.  For instance, right after it happens, you can read an exact account of the play:  “Pass intended for Helu incomplete.”   Or “That was Roy Helu for a gain of six yards!”  So as long as you are watching the text on that display screen, you will know what happened.

THERE ARE DIFFERENT TEAMS FOR DIFFERENT PLAYS

Yes, they are all on one team, but you may see one set of your team’s players running off the field and another set running on.  What is going on?  Another unit/team is coming out to run a different type of play.  There is the offensive unit, defensive unit and special teams (for kicking plays).  Think of it like different department handling different parts of the game.

There is a LOT more you need to know to have even a basic understanding of the game, so join us for “Football Basics for Women” on August 21 in Chinatown, DC.  Contact me at info@kikistrickland.com to sign up.

Or read up on ‘American Football’ on Wikipedia or go to NFL.com.

Also join us for a Monday Night Flirt Night – details coming soon!

Happy Dating!

Kiki Strickland

http://www.kikistrickland.com

Kiki Strickland is a Matchmaker and certified Dating Coach who is passionate about helping smart, successful singles who have a difficult time finding and keeping love.   Her private coaching sessions and dating seminars are all about providing love life solutions to singles who desire to be married.  Through her Flirt Nights, “Meeting Mr. Right” classes, Love Attraction Retreats and more, Kiki is helping singles find love and the relationship they have dreamed of.

Lending Money to Your Man?

peoples court
Ever watch Judge Mathis, Judge Judy or the People’s Court?  A surprising amount of the cases are old flames suing the ex for a sum of money they either loaned them, are out of as a result of something they did, or an instance where they cosigned for a major purchase.  Sometimes even credit cards have been taken out on behalf of the love interest and now the person is trying to recuperate paying for someone else’s debt.

It never works out well unless there was a promissory note signed or agreement to repay.

Here is how it goes:

“Judge, the defendant owes me $800 for the cell phone bill that we had to put it in my name because his credit is bad.”

or

“I gave him $1000 toward the purchase of his car when his broke down and he had no way to get to work.  He promised he would pay me $100 a month until he paid off the loan.”

Judge asks: “Do you have a promissory note or something in writing where he agreed to pay this back?”

Sometime they do have a promissory note or something in writing, and they WIN!

But usually they do not.  They trusted the person.  And now that they have broken up the person is saying, “That was a gift.”  Or “She was paying me back for all the shoes I bought her – it wasn’t a loan.”  Or “We BOTH used that phone, not just me!”

Unfortunately I have heard stories from single women who are involved with men who ‘fall on hard times’ or somehow get into a financial bind and need to be bailed out.  One such woman is Natasha* who recently appeared on my blogtalk show to talk about her experience with loaning money to a man she was dating.   Because things were going well and seemed to be moving toward marriage, she was open to giving him ‘help’ for the down payment toward a home he was going to purchase.  She even helped him find a realtor and looked at homes with him, thinking they would eventually marry and live in the home together.  Listen to her story here on blogtalk radio.

Should you do it?  If you are falling in love with a man and he needs some cash til payday, what do you do?  What if he is late on his mortgage and needs you to ‘contribute’ since you are always over there anyway?

Many of you are giving, trusting, possibly even naive in your dealings with men.  You want to help.  You are nurturing by nature.  Or you are afraid if you don’t lend him the money, he will leave or break up with you.  Let him!

It is my first thought that a man should never ask a woman for money.  He should get it from his boys, his family, his boss – I don’t care who – but not his woman.  I believe that if he is trying to woo her, he won’t even WANT her to know that he is having financially difficulty.  Lending money – a no no!  But if you are going to do it, definitely get something signed from him that he is going to pay it back.

In my ebook, How Divas Date, I talk about how in a lot of cases it is an older woman dating a younger man that tries to take advantage of her.  Don’t let him!

PROMISSORY NOTE: noun – a signed document containing a written promise to pay a stated sum to a specified person or the bearer at a specified date or on demand.     Dictionary.com

If you cannot get him to sign a promissory note, just give it as a gift.  Don’t expect it back.  But be sure you will not resent not getting it back if he doesn’t even offer to pay it back.

Only “loan” money when it is really a gift and you don’t NEED it back.

If it is going to make you feel he is less than a man or the provider you need, say NO.  He should have other devices to turn to, including his mother/father/brother or best friend.

That being said, this doesn’t mean that if you are making a lot more money than the man you are dating, you cannot pay for the things you want the two of you to do.  For instance, if you are used to travelling and plan to go on a cruise or trip that you know he can’t afford right now, pay for the both of you.  It is what you want and you can afford to do so.  Not a big deal.  Don’t expect him to pay you back (but kudos to him if he tries) and don’t ever throw it up in his face later that he couldn’t go without your help.  This is your treat.  Don’t make him feel bad that his pockets are not as deep as yours.

In the DC area, there are a lot of sisters who are making over six figures and still alone because they think their man is supposed to also be making over six figures.  Well…there just aren’t as many counterparts available.  It is definitely OK to date a working class brother or blue collar man who is about something and treats you well.  Don’t let money be the deciding factor, especially if you have lot already.

But on the flipside, don’t be an ATM for him or anyone.  Not without a signed piece of paper with him agreeing to put those funds back into your account.  (A lot of times if you have an email or a text where the person agrees they owe you, you win your judgement on People’s Court – FYI).

Check out more on this topic Sunday at 5PM on Should You Lend Your Man Money Part 2 on my Blogtalk Radio show.

Happy Dating!

Kiki

http://www.kikistrickland.com

*not her real name

Don’t Be Gone With the Wind!

scarlett ohara2One of my favorite movies is Gone With the Wind.  I was trying to watch it the other day and realized that Scarlet O’Hara was totally like today’s woman – pursuing a guy who didn’t want her and trying to make it work even after he told her to her FACE that it wasn’t going to happen.

Why do we do this, ladies?

One woman told me she was going to “Wait for him.”  By this she meant she expected that one day he would finally realize that she was the one for him (even though she had been sleeping with him for two years without the commitment she wanted).

Scarlet was a hottie and had many pursuers.  The guys were lining up to dance with her, pursue her, even marry her, but she set her sights on Ashley and would not give up the dream.

Rhett was totally in love with her, gave her everything she wanted but her heart just wanted what it wanted – a man who showed her no interest and even married someone else.  Yes, maybe he did it out of family obligation and not love, but he married Melanie nonetheless!

Can we start behaving and acting with our BRAINS instead of our hearts?

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV).

Sometime it hurts, but you’ve got to be smart and not stupid.  Men don’t change their minds.  If they say that you are not the One, believe them.  Scarlet knew that Ashley had feelings for her initially, but he still chose not to act on them and married someone else.  When at the end she finally realizes that Ashley does love Melanie, she finally feels free to love Rhett – too late, of course!  But the truth is she should have tried to love Rhett earlier and given up the fantasy of being with someone who married another woman.  Rhett was perfect for her in personality and temperament.  He knew how to handle her and didn’t take too much for her controlling ways.

Why would she keep waiting for a married man?

Unfortunately women do this every day and convince themselves that things will work out for them, not caring about karma, the Word of God, the other woman involved or anyone else.

Karma is a terrible thing.  Even if he left his wife and married you, how could it be any good when it has already been established that you are both cheaters?

It can’t work.

Don’t waste your time and effort on someone who won’t choose you or does not put YOU first.  He is TAKEN!  Let it go!

Think with your brain and act accordingly.

 

Check out my “Wife Material” segment on Blogtalk Radio this Saturday at 8AM on Dating Talk with Kiki Strickland.

Single ladies!  Join my “Married in 2 years or Less” 90-Day program!  New spots open for August now.  Sign up at www.kikistrickland.com