So I was talking last week about The Rules. I pointed out some of the ones that I do not agree with. There are many Rules that I DO support and teach my clients! Here are 10 that I fully believe in:
- Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
- Don’t Tell Him What to Do
- Let Him Take the Lead
- Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
- Don’t Open Up Too Fast
- Be Honest but Mysterious
- Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
- Don’t Date a Married Man
- Love Only Those Who Love You
- Be Easy to Live With
and also these from another version of The Rules:
- Rule #23: Don’t be self-destructive by dating married, unavailable, and other mixed-messages guys.
- Rule #24: Stop dating a guy who cancels more than once. (unless he really does have a job that is prone to emergencies, like a EMT, firefighter, doctor, or other on-call at a moments notice job)
- Rule #26: Don’t accept booty calls or meaningless hookups.
These Rules above are actually good rules to follow! Don’t do these!
I will qualify the part about leaving things in his apartment. I think it is OK to have a drawer or some things in the closet and bathroom when you have been exclusive for a while and of course when you are engaged. But you still have your place and should be there at least three nights a week until marriage. He should want to spend more time with you, not wonder when you are going home! Don’t overstay your welcome, or try to move in without being asked or having a firm commitment (like a ring!). Some women start leaving things all around this place, like staking her claim. He starts complaining to his friends that it LOOKS like you have moved in, even though you never talked about it. If he wants more with you, he will ask you. Don’t make assumptions and don’t overstay your welcome or leave much of your stuff at his place without him offering.
Again, he should want more, not less!
More about books like this - women are looking for a formula to follow to get the guy. They want to find their Mr. Right and if there is something out there (anything!) that says, “Look! Here is the way that you can get the man you want,” they will try it. The problem is, there is contradictory information out there so WHICH do you follow???
Ladies, you have to find the coaches and authors that you trust and believe in. Definitely find at least one who is where you want to be – as far as a relationship is concerned. If you are following the advice of someone who is not even where you want to be relationship-wise, you may not want what they are teaching! You may get what they got!
Find the advice that feels right to you and do that.